Anyone know of any gender fluid/non binary forums/communities?

[MildredHubble]

So hey guys!

I'm really enjoying this forum of awesomeness! I really very much like it here and I was wondering if any of you know some good forums for gender fluid/non binary people to talk like we do here?

I have mentioned previously that although I'm biologically male, this is not how I view myself from inside my head. I haven't really talked about this much to anyone in the real world.

I have talked a little about it here though and that's been quite wonderful and liberating!

I'm still trying to figure out what label applies best to me (though perhaps that not super important). I think it's a tie between non binary and gender fluid.

I did find a forum on a place called "empty closets" and I joined up there. But it just doesn't seem super active at times and maybe I'm doing something wrong but I don't seem to be able to get the level of back and forth conversation there as I do here :-(

So I thought I would ask since I know a few members here are in a similar boat.

Or perhaps we could have a forum channel here for these sorts of discussions? Perhaps there's not a huge amount of demand for it? If that was the case I could understand if this wasn't something people wanted to do. I'm just kinda thinking out loud a bit here

 

[Gerontius]

I (biologically male, mostly asexual) used to be on AVEN (Asexual Visiblity and Education Network) and there are a lot of nonbinary people there.
The reason being was I was trying to figure out why my near-complete lack of libido didn't quite square up with what the majority of the human race seemed to experience.
In the process I did actually wonder whether the non-binary label described me better, but the more I looked at it, the more I was convinced that I should just be happy. Decided to live so comfortably masculine that I could do anything I wanted without worrying whether it was going to square with toxic masculinity. And as far as asexuality went, all I can say is it was nice to live a little more openly, at least with myself, about why I am who I am and that's all that I am.

AVEN is a fairly easy to use forum & you could probably at least join & read some of it.
I wouldn't know if it's somewhere I would want to stay forever--I left, quietly--but that's mostly because the main questions I had were answered by the nice folks there and by some offline research.

And many autistic people are not exactly conforming with the social expectation of their sex.

 

[Thinx]

I identify as nonbinary, but I don't know of or use specific forums relating to this. Partly because in some ways it's a non identity, I guess. I mean, I don't see the point of most gendered language or cultural norms that divide people into 2 categories on basis of perceived biological genders. So I try not to use gendered language and I continue to resist gender categories. I'm just being me, without needing to perform masculinity or femininity. So not sure what I would talk about in relation to that. Yes I've heard of AVEN, sounds a good resource.

 

[Duna]

The reason being was I was trying to figure out why my near-complete lack of libido didn't quite square up with what the majority of the human race seemed to experience.
In the process I did actually wonder whether the non-binary label described me better, but the more I looked at it, the more I was convinced that I should just be happy.

This describes pretty much my situation, though I feel I haven't explored this aspect enough yet to come to a final conclusion for me. I'll definitely have a look at that forum.

 

[Duna]

I'm just being me, without needing to perform masculinity or femininity

Couldn't agree more!

 

[MildredHubble]

I (biologically male, mostly asexual) used to be on AVEN (Asexual Visiblity and Education Network) and there are a lot of nonbinary people there.
The reason being was I was trying to figure out why my near-complete lack of libido didn't quite square up with what the majority of the human race seemed to experience.
In the process I did actually wonder whether the non-binary label described me better, but the more I looked at it, the more I was convinced that I should just be happy. Decided to live so comfortably masculine that I could do anything I wanted without worrying whether it was going to square with toxic masculinity. And as far as asexuality went, all I can say is it was nice to live a little more openly, at least with myself, about why I am who I am and that's all that I am.

AVEN is a fairly easy to use forum & you could probably at least join & read some of it.
I wouldn't know if it's somewhere I would want to stay forever--I left, quietly--but that's mostly because the main questions I had were answered by the nice folks there and by some offline research.

And many autistic people are not exactly conforming with the social expectation of their sex.

Thanks so much for letting me know about AVEN! I will check it out!

I guess I just would like to talk to some people who are a similar demographic to myself about something I have had to keep hidden for so long. I feel a bit mentally worn down by it at times and there's this whole side of me that mostly just exists internally and isn't expressed much in the real world.

@Thinx I have from a very early age, never been comfortable with gendered language. I used to always refer to people using "they" and avoided she/he when referring to others. It just seemed weird to me that we have to announce someone's gender in normal conversation.

Personally, I don't really mind if someone uses he or she to refer to myself. Either is fine as there are times where either feels right. Though I would say 60-80% of the time, "she" would feel more appropriate. But I do think it's an archaic concept, particularly in the English language since it dropped the need for gender (mostly) a long time ago!

Like the great Eddie Izzard said "Look, it's a spoon! Get a grip!"

 

[Luca]

I’m genderfluid and I think it’s great that there are other genderfluid/nonbinary people on here

I look female and mostly use female pronouns (I was born female) but I mostly wear men’s clothes (and often bind my chest) and have more stereotypically “masculine” personality traits and interests.

Not entirely sure what my sexuality is. I thought I was straight for a long time. I definitely have zero interest in sexual intimacy though so I don’t think the gender of a potential partner would really matter.

But gender stereotypes are stupid lol

 

[Duna]

and often bind my chest

Wow, that's something I have wanted to do for some time now but I'm not sure how.
Though I dress my way with elements of both male/female, I never liked having breasts and how non-tailored clothes look when put over breasts. So I'm mostly hiding my chest by folding my arms which of course is translated as "don't wanna talk, leave me alone"

 

[Misery]

I did find a forum on a place called "empty closets"

I actually found that place like, yesterday, when I was searching around for reasons that I probably dont need to explain at this point.

The forum looked kinda.... dead. Sorta.

Which isnt too surprising, in this era of freaking Reddit. And of course I dont really want to go near Reddit...

What little I have seen of such forums seems to be a bit different from our forum here though. On here, we seem to usually have a good number of regulars who show up pretty often, right. Which is usually the case for most forums I've been familiar with. But whenever I've spotted a forum of the sort you're talking about, looking around them often just shows like a bazillion posts from users with like 1 or 2 posts total... forums where people mainly go to ask a single question and then leave.

That's been my experience in looking around for such places at least.

Gotta say, not very helpful.

I do want to say though, for what it's worth, you can feel free to bring up such a subject here on this forum. Gender-related whatever, I mean. Many here seem to understand very well even if they arent necessarily in that same category. Very understanding sort of place, this forum.

Or perhaps we could have a forum channel here for these sorts of discussions? Perhaps there's not a huge amount of demand for it? If that was the case I could understand if this wasn't something people wanted to do. I'm just kinda thinking out loud a bit here

That would be nice.

 

[MildredHubble]

I’m genderfluid and I think it’s great that there are other genderfluid/nonbinary people on here

I look female and mostly use female pronouns (I was born female) but I mostly wear men’s clothes (and often bind my chest) and have more stereotypically “masculine” personality traits and interests.

Not entirely sure what my sexuality is. I thought I was straight for a long time. I definitely have zero interest in sexual intimacy though so I don’t think the gender of a potential partner would really matter.

But gender stereotypes are stupid lol

I'm glad that you dress the way makes you feel comfortable You are quite right, gender stereotypes are pretty stupid, particularly when you consider how much they have changed and swung about through history. We see loads of art with men wearing elaborate wigs and pretty frilly clothing and makeup. I think they called them "Dandies and Fops". I'm pretty sure the 18th century was the most gender fluid era in the history of the human race lol!

I have some stereotypically masculine interests but also what I guess some that are considered more feminine like art/drawing, though I'm not saying it's necessarily a feminine activity. I guess if I had been born female I would have been considered something of a tomboy

@Misery I have found the same with the forum I mentioned! It's like there's posts with loads of replies but the most recent replies were weeks ago. There isn't the lively engagement there is here. I've posted some things there and maybe got a couple of "likes" and the odd one sentence "I hear you, I understand, same boat" sort of reply. I kinda thought maybe I should contribute to other threads, like we have here on music etc. Still there had been no engagement with the thread apart from once in a blue moon.

It's of course great that I can post here about these subjects. I suppose arriving here and finding everyone so welcoming, I thought "huh, maybe I should look for a forum that deals with non-binary issues etc..." But as far as I can see, the engagement seems to be lacking on other forums :-/

 

[Rodafina]

Or perhaps we could have a forum channel here for these sorts of discussions? Perhaps there's not a huge amount of demand for it? If that was the case I could understand if this wasn't something people wanted to do. I'm just kinda thinking out loud a bit here

That would be nice.

Serious question and a negative answer is acceptable, though I admit I am hopeful for a positive one. If a section like this did appear on the forum do you think cis gender allies who are interested in understanding and supporting would be wanted there?

I understand having to need specific spaces and sometimes allies can complicate things, so I really am asking for genuine opinions here if someone like myself, a cis gender female (sure, a tomboy, but I feel like a girl) participating in conversations about gender fluidity and identification is relevant. If an ally could preserve the safety of the space do you think they would be allowed?

It’s not even fair for me to bring this conversation to cisgender folk right now, because we have often had the spotlight, but this is why I want to be here. I want to ask.

 

[Luca]

Wow, that's something I have wanted to do for some time now but I'm not sure how.
Though I dress my way with elements of both male/female, I never liked having breasts and how non-tailored clothes look when put over breasts. So I'm mostly hiding my chest by folding my arms which of course is translated as "don't wanna talk, leave me alone"

There are online shops (like underworks for example) where you can purchase comfortable binders instead of wrapping your breasts with bandages or wearing a compression bra, which can really hurt!

I mostly bind my chest because I am a 38FF bra size and having huge breasts is uncomfortable and doesn’t help with gender identity issues.

I also find sports bras pretty comfortable.

 

[Luca]

Serious question and a negative answer is acceptable, though I admit I am hopeful for a positive one. If a section like this did appear on the forum do you think cis gender allies who are interested in understanding and supporting would be wanted there?

I understand having to need specific spaces and sometimes allies can complicate things, so I really am asking for genuine opinions here if someone like myself, a cis gender female (sure, a tomboy, but I feel like a girl) participating in conversations about gender fluidity and identification is relevant. If an ally could preserve the safety of the space do you think they would be allowed?

It’s not even fair for me to bring this conversation to cisgender folk right now, because we have often had the spotlight, but this is why I want to be here. I want to ask.

I see no issue with it personally because you have always been respectful and have always offered valuable input. You are what’s considered a good ally, in my opinion.

If it were someone who had made transphobic comments or made fun of people or brought things like religion or politics into the conversation, then I would be uncomfortable and say no.

 

[MildredHubble]

Serious question and a negative answer is acceptable, though I admit I am hopeful for a positive one. If a section like this did appear on the forum do you think cis gender allies who are interested in understanding and supporting would be wanted there?

I understand having to need specific spaces and sometimes allies can complicate things, so I really am asking for genuine opinions here if someone like myself, a cis gender female (sure, a tomboy, but I feel like a girl) participating in conversations about gender fluidity and identification is relevant. If an ally could preserve the safety of the space do you think they would be allowed?

It’s not even fair for me to bring this conversation to cisgender folk right now, because we have often had the spotlight, but this is why I want to be here. I want to ask.

I think it's something that needs to be talked about in more places. But I guess it's a question of if those who run a place like this feel it's something that needs to have its own space.

I suppose what I'm getting at is that I wouldn't necessarily expect a forum that was established to talk about retro computers would want a section on cats. It would be super cool for me if they did though!

I think the more normal the conversation becomes the better for everyone. But I don't think it's necessarily ok to walk into on space and start demanding changes when it was never in the original intention of that space to focus on issues outside of their remit.

So I hope I've given something approaching an answer here.

It's up to the people who created the space to decide if the issue is relevant in the context of their space or they may feel a little like focus has been taken away from their core mission.

So it's amazing if they do, but understandable if they don't.

Hope my thoughts make sense

 

[Rodafina]

I see no issue with it personally because you have always been respectful and have always offered valuable input. You are what’s considered a good ally, in my opinion.

If it were someone who had made transphobic comments or made fun of people or brought things like religion or politics into the conversation, then I would be uncomfortable and say no.

I think it's something that needs to be talked about in more places. But I guess it's a question of if those who run a place like this feel it's something that needs to have its own space.

I suppose what I'm getting at is that I wouldn't necessarily expect a forum that was established to talk about retro computers would want a section on cats. It would be super cool for me if they did though!

I think the more normal the conversation becomes the better for everyone. But I don't think it's necessarily ok to walk into on space and start demanding changes when it was never in the original intention of that space to focus on issues outside of their remit.

So I hope I've given something approaching an answer here.

It's up to the people who created the space to decide if the issue is relevant in the context of their space or they may feel a little like focus has been taken away from their core mission.

So it's amazing if they do, but understandable if they don't.

Hope my thoughts make sense

Thank you both for your honest and open answers. I am very grateful for both of your opinions.

 

[Stuttermabolur]

Or perhaps we could have a forum channel here for these sorts of discussions? Perhaps there's not a huge amount of demand for it? If that was the case I could understand if this wasn't something people wanted to do.

To be honest, I'm surprised it doesn't already exist. I think it makes perfect sense even if there are other gender identity focused forums around. It is a large consideration for several users of the forum so having an autism specific space to talk about sexuality would likely be useful for a lot of people here.

I can see it being either under the "Specific Autism Spectrum Discussions" category or the "Private Discussions (Members Only)" one. It could be named something like "gender, sexuality and identity" (maybe a better name can be found). As it stands, threads like that don't really have a place except in "off topic" or "general private discussions" subgroups.

@Satal Do you think something like this would be possible?

 

[Misery]

If a section like this did appear on the forum do you think cis gender allies who are interested in understanding and supporting would be wanted there?

Honestly the way I see it, allowing anyone to post is exactly the right way to go. As long as they arent like, being a total booger, that is.

To be honest, I'm surprised it doesn't already exist. I think it makes perfect sense even if there are other gender identity focused forums around. It is a large consideration for several users of the forum so having an autism specific space to talk about sexuality would likely be useful for a lot of people here.

I can see it being either under the "Specific Autism Spectrum Discussions" category or the "Private Discussions (Members Only)" one. It could be named something like "gender, sexuality and identity" (maybe a better name can be found). As it stands, threads like that don't really have a place except in "off topic" or "general private discussions" subgroups.

@Satal Do you think something like this would be possible?

Ooh, I like this idea.

I think it makes sense here... there's always been a good bit of talk of such things in this place. Isnt there like, a connection between autism, and gender/sexual identity topics to begin with? So I've heard, anyway.

 

[MildredHubble]

To be honest, I'm surprised it doesn't already exist. I think it makes perfect sense even if there are other gender identity focused forums around. It is a large consideration for several users of the forum so having an autism specific space to talk about sexuality would likely be useful for a lot of people here.

I can see it being either under the "Specific Autism Spectrum Discussions" category or the "Private Discussions (Members Only)" one. It could be named something like "gender, sexuality and identity" (maybe a better name can be found). As it stands, threads like that don't really have a place except in "off topic" or "general private discussions" subgroups.

@Satal Do you think something like this would be possible?

I suppose that is a very good analysis of the situation

It certainly is a part of human experience and therefore a valid inclusion. I suppose the question is, would this topic really require it's own "sub forum" or is it already catered for within the realm of "off topic".

As I say, I'm tremendously grateful that I can post about gender identity here and the reaction has been extremely positive. I wouldn't want to start "rearranging the furniture" here unless people were receptive. But it does seem that there are some members that would appreciate the sort of thing you have suggested/imagined

 

[Rodafina]

Honestly the way I see it, allowing anyone to post is exactly the right way to go. As long as they arent like, being a total booger, that is.

Thanks for sharing this opinion, Misery. I would clarify, too, that my real desire to be there is because it’s looking like my forum friends would be there, and I care about what everyone is going through. I just want to be with the people I connect with.

 

[Slime_Punk]

I personally think that would be super cool if it ever happened as well, even though I'm cis male and wouldn't really be able to contribute (I do way more reading here than I do posting though, of course!). Just putting another vote of ally support in here in the event that it matters one day!

Also, there's definitely some documented crossover between LGBTQ+ identities and autism, meaning it would be super important if a subforum ever were to emerge.