Anyone with aspergers that are asexual?

[butterfly2]

Hello was just wondering if there was anyone with aspergers who has never been interested in sex or never had any sexual urges as i feel im in the minority here. Ever since i was young i was never interested in that aspect of life plus i had and still have social anxiety so do not have much in common with other people. It would be nice to be in some kind of friendship but without the sexual side, altho i would say i was a hetro. Also i have a lot of phobias and ocd so never ever liked bodily fluids. Sorry ive lost concentration and my train of thought so would be grateful for any replies!

 

[BruceCM]

Wouldn't say I was asexual but being 36 & never having had sex might say I am! Think I've got the 'social anxiety', too; not the phobias, though. Certainly, I seem to manage to be in some sort of minority, even among Aspies, so hope that helps a bit!

 

[butterfly2]

I think it sounds like your waiting for the right person to have a sexual relationship with. I admire that you havnt slept with anyone just cos thats a thing to do by a certain age and cos everyone else was doing it! Anyway thanks for your reply!

 

[Ste11aeres]

I'm not asexual, but am waiting for marriage and am surprised by how easy that is. Of course, I'm not sure I'll ever wind up married, since it's so hard even to have friends.

 

[pjcnet]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being asexual and there's lots of other people who are also asexual. We don't hear so much about asexual people as they are usually quiet about it as there is no statement for them to make to draw the attention of others.

Asexual people can still develop feelings for other people however even if it's not sexual and some asexual people still have successful relationships and even get married. When you meet a partner it never lasts if there is only a sexual attraction anyway as this will eventually fade leaving nothing, there has to be much more than that for people to stay together successfully for life. Anyway, I wouldn't worry about it, just accept how you are instead of being over concerned about how you think others think you should you be. If you never develop a sexual attraction for anyone, then so be it.

I'm unsure where you live, but have you looked for any local Aspie groups or social groups for people with social anxiety?

For online information please see asexuality.org as it might be of interest, under the menu Media & Press, Other Resources, there's lots of interesting links to other websites regarding asexuality too.


PS: I'm not really asexual as I still sometimes feel physical attraction although I don't act on it. I've been single for a long time as with Aspergers I'm not the best person at socialising to say the least and I have lost a lot of interest as I've got older. With some of my unsuccessful relationship attempts in the past I sometimes think I would have been better off as an asexual person. I don't think being asexual is directly linked with Aspies, although there might be a higher proportion of people with Aspies that are asexual.

 

[Aalo]

I'm not asexual, but am waiting for marriage and am surprised by how easy that is. Of course, I'm not sure I'll ever wind up married, since it's so hard even to have friends.

I was about to forget my response to this. Oh well. Asexuality is different from celibacy. Asexuals needen't be in any case against sexual interaction, but they just simply don't crave for such. Some are even disgusted of the idea. People in celibacy restrain willingly even if they might like to have sex on some level. The main difference is that after the wait person in celibacy usually can start having sex without problems. But of course in spectrum both these groups are far from sexually active people.

I recently came across this: Info Graph: The Varieties of Intimate Relationship

My theory for people being so hesitant on getting to understand ace is that it's easy to figure gays - they like people of same gender, or trans people - they're comfortable as they were born, but aces, they lack sexual interests on a whole, so there's really nothing to talk about. And now I'm not implying it'd be easy for those groups I mentioned either, no. I personally find myself really oblivious as almost aromantic asexual (my whole litany is really pretty). I don't want even nicest persons to notice me because people in general don't want same things as I do. But I'm not complaining, at least I like my life.

 

[Levitikuz]

I would say I'm on the fence of being asexual...what I find attractive [sexually] definitely differs from what my peers do. I've never found meaningless hookups (one night stands) something I was attracted to, which also makes the women at about every social scene unattractive, because I know this happens all the time, and just about everyone does it.

I was 24 years old when I finally got in my first romantic relationship, which ended badly, and since then she's still been the only women I've ever been with sexually and intellectually/emotionally. As of now (26 years old) I find very few women attractive at all, with very little interest in sexual activity as well. I do know I eventually want to have a deep connection/relationship with someone, but the interest/attraction sexually isn't what I would call a strong force in my life now, or has it ever been.

 

[code-e]

Michael Jackson was asexual

 

[wyverary]

I am asexual. I sort of had a sex drive when I was younger, but even then never cared much about sleeping with anyone. Now it is just non-existent. Some of it, I am sure, comes from my extreme discomfort of any sort of physical contact--again, something that has gotten stronger as I am moving through my 20s. While there are plenty of people I care much for, I cannot see myself craving either the emotional or physical intimacy that most "normal" folk do. I do not want anyone sharing my bed, or, indeed, any of my "personal space." The few occasions I have had roommates (mostly when I was younger) it was very awkward and while we got along great we rarely spoke. And I do not want to have to worry about pleasing/being pleased* by somebody else.

I think part of the reason asexuality gets a lot less attention than homosexuality and other gender issues is the fact that we do not really NEED any advocacy. It is not like anyone is trying to prevent us from getting married to...ourselves? Heck, even the Catholic Church likes us! So yes, because it is pretty much a non-issue for us, we (or at least I) do not have any particular need to be recognized.

*extreme oversimplification. I think y'all know what I mean.

 

[Sydney]

I am asexual in that I have sexual urges and I liked the feeling (I masturbated in the past), but I was never sexually attracted to a person. I don't like the idea of an intimate (or emotionally binding) relationship. I would much prefer to have a solely mental relationship with someone. I find sex to be distracting and unnecessary (I don't want to bear children).

 

[Aalo]

There are some aspects that I like in sex, too, they are just so few that I'm mostly bored and annoyed by the idea of smooshing skins together, sweaty. There are so much better pleasures in life.

What I find interesting is the fact that slut shaming isn't uncommon in ace community. I understand that people who aren't that interested in sexual activity might not want to see sexual images all over (so don't all sexuals either), but I think it still should be seen as a person's own choice how do they dress or behave, and their value shouldn't be determined solely upon that. There are also some similarities with some other sexual orientation activists I've seen as some do insist that romance and sexual plots should be forbidden from entertainment. I don't want my movies to be porn either, but can like normal movie with few love making scenes jut as any other movie if it's otherwise good. Sure it would be interesting to see something else after a while, but I believe that it's futile to demand that something that's so usual for most of human interactions, should be changed because of them. It's still argumentative bias that everyone should do what supposed me is seen doing. I'm just glad that I don't find actions of others frustrating or intimidating.

 

[Mozambike]

Well, I am asexual, and this was a thing I realized way before I even considered the fact that I have asperger.

I have my whole history about this, how I had depressions because of nobody understanding my lack of sexual orientation and how I managed to be ok with that and tell people about it without fearing the fact that they could make fun of me and stuff. I used to visit a forum in 2011 about asexuality, called AVEN (Asexuality Visibility and Education Network), I met good people there.

I know 2 persons with asperger on the internet that told me they think they are asexual... it may be just coincidence, but still surprising me.

 

[ReadRothbard]

I'm not asexual at all; in fact, I have a pretty high sex drive. I always daydream about physical contact with women I like and/or find attractive, and it is really frustrating to see absolutely gorgeous women with beautiful, flowing hair and cute clothing and know I can't attract them; I'm not so sure even what to say to them! It is terrible, and it is certainty one of the major downsides of going to school. I can definitely envy you, as being asexual would be much easier than being a horny aspire teenager with little social schools in the art of love and sex.

 

[Craig]

I have three core drives. Making Money, Playing Games and improving my knowledge and skills. I possess little drive for anything else, this includes sexual activity, though I wouldn't consider myself asexual. Instead, I like to see it as saving my self for that special person. :rolleyes2:

 

[nowwhat]

I wish. Would've made my life easier, I think. Nope plenty of "urges" here.

 

[aceofhearts]

I am a heteroromantic asexual. This means that I desire romance, companionship and love from the opposite gender. I do not however wish to have sex with anyone. For me romance=/=sex! I would absolutely love to find a heteroromantic asexual female to date, maybe get engaged with and perhaps even marry. Before you tell me that asexual romance can not work, let me stop you and tell you that asexuals have gotten married.

Of course I find some women, okay a lot of women to be beautiful and attractive, but I do not want to have sex with them. I don't look at a beautiful woman and think: "I'd like to tap that." if you will. I look at a beautiful woman and think: "What a beautiful person, I would like to get to know her." When I look at a pretty woman, I don't get aroused. It's like looking at a beautiful painting or a sculpture and in this case, the sculptor is the most-high.

No, I do not find sex to be "scary". There are far more terrifying things called tornadoes and I wish to chase them. Nor do I find sex "dirty" or "wrong" (except oral sex, ew!).Sex was instituted by God and if someone enjoys sex while obeying the laws of God, more power to them. Sex does have the benefit of keeping the human race going. However, I do find using certain body parts to express your love for another person to be foreign and bizzare.

I have felt this way for a long time, since as far back as I can remember. No, nothing bad happened to me to make me this way. I just am this way. I feel no guilt or shame for this so don't ask me to.

 

[Hadassah]

I can relate! I had this short term bf that was the only one I got a little bit intimate with and he tried to jump on me every occasion he had. It was really awkward for me and I just put on a mask and went a long, without really enjoying it. I thought that I wanted him that way too, but it wasn't the case at all. It could be that subconsciously I knew that he was a jerk and that he only wanted to use me as an object!! It was horrible and I wasn't really enjoying any of it or relaxed enough. Maybe it just needs to be with the right person I don't know. But in the end very intimate stuff I don't tend to like. I've often pondered if I'm asexual too, but not sure about it. Maybe here I can learn more about it. I do crave for affection though :/

 

[wyverary]

I strongly believe that sexuality is quite complicated and forms a continuum, and, as demonstrated by the posts here, even "asexuality" has its own variations. Some people never were interested in sex, and others (like myself) have seen their sex drives decrease over time as to become practically non-existent. Some still like romantic attachment, some even like physical contact; and others have no desire for (and even aversion to) either.

This is something I would be interested to research some more.

 

[Hadassah]

Me too. I'd be really interested to know if wanting sex and having sexual feelings, but not really liking it when it comes to the real deal is asexual or something else...? Or just being an aspie

 

[nowwhat]

I am a heteroromantic asexual. This means that I desire romance, companionship and love from the opposite gender. I do not however wish to have sex with anyone. For me romance=/=sex! I would absolutely love to find a heteroromantic asexual female to date, maybe get engaged with and perhaps even marry. Before you tell me that asexual romance can not work, let me stop you and tell you that asexuals have gotten married.

Of course I find some women, okay a lot of women to be beautiful and attractive, but I do not want to have sex with them. I don't look at a beautiful woman and think: "I'd like to tap that." if you will. I look at a beautiful woman and think: "What a beautiful person, I would like to get to know her." When I look at a pretty woman, I don't get aroused. It's like looking at a beautiful painting or a sculpture and in this case, the sculptor is the most-high.

No, I do not find sex to be "scary". There are far more terrifying things called tornadoes and I wish to chase them. Nor do I find sex "dirty" or "wrong" (except oral sex, ew!).Sex was instituted by God and if someone enjoys sex while obeying the laws of God, more power to them. Sex does have the benefit of keeping the human race going. However, I do find using certain body parts to express your love for another person to be foreign and bizzare.

I have felt this way for a long time, since as far back as I can remember. No, nothing bad happened to me to make me this way. I just am this way. I feel no guilt or shame for this so don't ask me to.

This is so interesting. I always lumped the romantic and the rawer sexual urges together. For me, when I find a woman beautiful, and am attracted to her, I also want to be sexual with her. I get all the pheromone-charged, sweaty-palmed, pupil-dialating symptoms of arousal, too. I never though the two categories could be discrete. It's all part of the same thing for me. As far as genetalia being weird, and oral sex being off-putting, yes, if my motor's not warmed up, or if I don't "like" her in that way. Given an affinity for her, a nice hormonally-charged mating ritual buildup, and a building lust, going down on her becomes a very exciting idea, and her naughty bits become beautiful. When I'm depressed, and therefore not really arousable, sex is weird and sometimes, nasty-seeming. So, there is a restraint, a barrier to be overcome. Some don't seem to have this mechanism, tho, which makes me scratch my head.

When I was younger, I really didn't like being touched at all, by any one. I am nearly 50, and have apparrently outgrown this. I'm even OK with casual friendly touching, by my friends, though I'm never sure when it's appropriate for me to do it. I just accept it when offered, with good grace as a sign of friendship.