Apparently I look 40% autistic, whatever it means

[vergil96]

Another rant

One thing is that I met with this friend and he is on the autism spectrum, he keeps on asking what each facial expression means. I told him in the end that I often make facial expressions that don't make much sense and I've been told that many times that people would ask why I have a facial expression that seems angry or sad while I'm not or often, I frown, because I have photophobia or can't hear well. But he kept on asking questions. I told him I'm on the autism spectrum, so he stopped asking questions why I come across to him as more distanced than I really am. I also am a rational person, so there's that. He is quite frank, so he replied that he noticed that I "don't reflect facial expressions" and don't give signs that neurotypical people do when they want to keep the conversation going. Which confused him. And he said that because of that he would estimate the chance that I have autism to be 40%? What would that mean? Maybe autistic, maybe not, but he'd rather bet that not? He said I don't have the other interpersonal signs, that's why he would think that not. Although it seems like he had known before only people who were early diagnosed and when I told him about the other non-interpersonal symptoms he said that yes, it's very typical. I know, blunt friend. But I'm not offended or anything, I'm hard to offend - I'm more confused about what it means about how I appear to others people and I thought I was going to burst out spewing my drink hearing that I "don't reflect back facial expressions" and that it's obvious to everyone, although I had no clue. He seems to be conflicted about masking, he finds it useful to make people understand he wants the conversation to continue. I feel like I rely heavily on different cues than he does for that, I've never encountered the notion that I look like I'm leaving the conversation when I'm not, although he seems to think that. He pays a lot of attention to faces, I don't. I would say confimations like "aha", ask follow-up questions and the such if I wanted to continue a conversation. Okay, I don't know where I'm going with this, I'm confused and surprised that I didn't notice something obvious, but at the same time I find it frustrating that it's being mistaken for "being not nice" or being anxious.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Sounds like he doesn't understand autism as much as he thinks he does.

 

[Aspychata]

I have a sweetheart guy who when he listens to me, his eyes do glaze over, like small talk completely shuts him down. I think he might be on the spectrum. The other part of the equation is l can't read his emotions unless he is smiling. So of course, l just want him to smile all the time. Which is totally unrealistic of me. But still, his smile lights up his entire face. It's as if he smiles with his entire soul. Autistic people can be so beautiful.

 

[Dagan]

I thought this was going to be about some app that looked at my picture and gave me a percentage of how "whatever" I look. Haha. Glad that wasn't the case.

 

[Kalinychta]

He sounds like one of those autistic people who believes he’s an expert on autism by virtue of being on the spectrum himself. Unless he’s qualified to make a diagnosis he should simmer down. And anyway, autism doesn’t involve percentages; it’s a spectrum.

 

[BobbiSueEllen]

Muggles & autism...I swear...I better not swear, this is a civil place!

I stopped visiting a guy's place a few weeks back, just cut it off cold, because by the way he's acting around me: not only does he seem to not believe autism exists, he can't ask questions or wrap his head around what he encounters from me. In many ways, he's a fair person...but he frustrates easily, especially around me. I do my best to keep my mouth shut, and did so around him. But over time, his frustration came out: he's angry because I won't fly with him because I'd rather not fly for awhile due to a near-midair collision my flight was involved in 2 years back. Oh, and does it show. He expects me, even told me, to "man through it", which is another sore point because he's heard me tell others I am agender and dislike masculinity...and the more toxic it is, the less I like it. Then, when we worked on his car project and took it out for test drives; I tried to give him the feedback he asks for as we drove but whenever I do, he gets suddenly angry, downshifts and floors it. So I shut up. I didn't feel safe anymore, got tired of it. And now, we're done.

Anyway: how are we supposed to look? To feel? To act? We're already repulsed by most of how Muggles look, feel and act, as much as they are of us. We're different enough as it is; is it that bad we're different from them, to any degree? I think Muggles should stop judging and start asking questions. Real, honest, dignifying questions. I'm not holding my breath, however.

 

[Kalinychta]

Muggles & autism...I swear...I better not swear, this is a civil place!

I stopped visiting a guy's place a few weeks back, just cut it off cold, because by the way he's acting around me: not only does he seem to not believe autism exists, he can't ask questions or wrap his head around what he encounters from me. In many ways, he's a fair person...but he frustrates easily, especially around me. I do my best to keep my mouth shut, and did so around him. But over time, his frustration came out: he's angry because I won't fly with him because I'd rather not fly for awhile due to a near-midair collision my flight was involved in 2 years back. Oh, and does it show. He expects me, even told me, to "man through it", which is another sore point because he's heard me tell others I am agender and dislike masculinity...and the more toxic it is, the less I like it. Then, when we worked on his car project and took it out for test drives; I tried to give him the feedback he asks for as we drove but whenever I do, he gets suddenly angry, downshifts and floors it. So I shut up. I didn't feel safe anymore, got tired of it. And now, we're done.

Anyway: how are we supposed to look? To feel? To act? We're already repulsed by most of how Muggles look, feel and act, as much as they are of us. We're different enough as it is; is it that bad we're different from them, to any degree? I think Muggles should stop judging and start asking questions. Real, honest, dignifying questions. I'm not holding my breath, however.

The muggle in question is autistic himself. The percentage thing also suggests an “I’m more autistic than you i.e. I’m cooler” attitude. Autists can be insensitive know-it-all jerks, too. In fact, to be fair, we’re rather infamous for it.

 

[BobbiSueEllen]

True. We're only people, after all. With super- and sub-abilities...all wrapped up in various 'nonconventional' traits, also of varying degrees.

I just keep remembering Thomas Jefferson: "[They] who [know] best [know] how little [they know]" (paraphrased to be gender-neutral). I know a lot, but not everything. The thing about percentages boggles me, though...I thought this was all shades, hues, so on. Sometimes I wonder if the guy's percentage-thing wasn't some sort of weird internet quiz he picked up, where someone uploads a pic and the 'magic genie' of software boops, beeps & clicks until it magically (nay, randomly) generates an answer with a percentage. I think we'd have better luck having an AI bot set a broken leg.

 

[vergil96]

The muggle in question is autistic himself.

Yeah

The percentage thing also suggests an “I’m more autistic than you i.e. I’m cooler” attitude. Autists can be insensitive know-it-all jerks, too. In fact, to be fair, we’re rather infamous for it.

I think it's not how he meant it. He lacks an intuition about people and he's just saying exactly what he thinks, looking for feedback about people's behaviour. I would also argue he's "more autistic" than I am, because he needs accomodations and it's very obvious that he's autistic, while I managed to live so many years undiagnosed and even got told that I'm not autistic by mental health professionals, when my parents asked (not once). The question was brought up over and over again by random people and in random situations, and I think I could come up with some bingo about "do you have autism/Asperger's?" questions, because it's quite absurd.

 

[vergil96]

I thought this was all shades, hues, so on.

It was a probability

I should have mentioned this is one of my math friends. One of my interests is mathematics.

 

[Fino]

It means nothing, actually.

 

[vergil96]

Perhaps he's been through ABA and that's why he's so anxious when someone makes facial expressions that are apparently unrelated to the conversation? He's been told it's wrong or a sign of dislike? He was confused about my poor eye contact as well. Why would he conclude it's not autism, though, I don't know. What are the other symptoms? If he took a psychological/academic perspective from ABA, it would make sense, I was told by mental health professionals that I don't have the symptoms, so oerhaps he's speaking about the same symptoms. Although it's super annoying that e.g. the eye contact is being consistently confused for anxiety and in reality I have trouble following the conversation and hearing when making "proper" amount of eye contact. Tbh I'm sick and tired of hearing all these comments that something (not harmful) is wrong with my behaviour and that I'm somehow not enough and they are making me anxious in contact with other people.