Are certain people more a part of your routine

[Pats]

I had a really fun visit with my oldest sister from Tennessee this past Friday. She's the only one I still have contact with. She used to call me daily and it drove me crazy, but she stopped and started just calling once every couple weeks which is much easier to handle.

We met at this hot dog place for lunch - they have good chuckwagons (breaded veal on a bun). We met at this store first so whoever got there first could shop while waiting for the other. I was excited to see her, so we hugged. During lunch we were both laughing so hard our eyes were full of tears and stomachs hurt. (And I didn't see my son in law there, which I was kind of sneaking into town without stopping to visit my kids. My daughter texted me later saying I was busted. lol) But I was tired from trying to be funny and entertaining for those couple hours. Being funny is just the only way I can be comfortable around people I don't see on a regular basis. And with her, I can be funny and say things that I couldn't with just anyone. I even had her in tears laughing, talking about death and dying. Anyhow, it was fun (exhausting, but fun).

We said our goodbyes and gave each other a little hug - okay. I started walking back to my car and she kind of rushed back to me and hugged me again, tighter and started to finish the hug and hugged me more. That made me think maybe I'm not as attached to her maybe as she seems to be to me. I know her extra hugs and little teary eyed was her not being sure if she'll see me again (our age, we both know anything could happen to either of us at any time). I know that, too, but it doesn't get to me. It's made me realize I'm detached.

When I look back at my past relationships that I have broken off - it's always been a matter of changing habits. It's the changing of habits that is hardest for me, not the loss of the relationship. In my past, when I've started feeling, for whatever reason, that a relationship is about to end, I start changing my habits (or routine) so when it does end, I'm fine with it. Does that make sense? Like, say you have a boyfriend who calls you every night. They miss a night and you get upset. Is it because they've messed up what has become part of your routine? Not saying there are no feelings involved, but which is it most?

 

[Judge]

Not in my case. "Routine" for me most often translates into being alone.

Very rare for me to be out and about with much of anyone.

 

[BraidedPony]

It depends on the person. There are only a few people that I have really truly cared about and they probably never even knew it. But when a favorite person left, either moved or left a job, I would miss them very much for a few days.
For people I don’t really truly care about, then a change in routine would bother me most.
The loss of pets is the only painful thing where change in routine doesn’t even matter. The only human death that has been painful is my dad. Everyone else that has died is not that painful really.
I know that sounds cold, but it isn’t. When I see people cry dramatically at funerals it looks fake to me. I’m quiet but what saddness I feel is at least real.

 

[Fino]

I'd say I agree but since we're the same person or something I don't need to point it out!

I do specific things with specific people at almost regular intervals, which would be exact if it were up to me but whaaaaatever.

For most people and most situations, it would definitely be the routine that's the problem, or the sudden change of routines where it's like the world goes wobbly and weird and everything is shifting.

For some people, the idea of rejection/abandonment might be worse than the change of routine, though. But then it's a double whammy!

Finishing college and leaving all the people I had gotten to know was most bothersome because of changes in routine, not whoever it was that I won't see anymore or just not as often. Bleh!

 

[Clueless in Canada]

Yup. I am with my partner most of the time, I see my 24 yo son once or twice a week and my parents once a week for coffee. I have a friend I meet up with about once every two months. These are the people it is effortless for me to hang out with although the experience will still tire me. At least I get worn out with something I enjoy.

 

[SusanLR]

The loss of pets is the only painful thing where change in routine doesn’t even matter. The only human death that has been painful is my dad. Everyone else that has died is not that painful really.
I know that sounds cold, but it isn’t. When I see people cry dramatically at funerals it looks fake to me. I’m quiet but what saddness I feel is at least real.

I was just thinking about this last night.
The only human death that really hurt was my Mom.
And I didn't even cry at her funeral. I had the eulogy to deliver and no tears although it ripped my
world upside down.
It also hurt when my Dad died and it was the same. No tears.
Mom wanted me to sing a song in front of the people at the funeral. I stood in front of the coffin
with a mic and sang it.
Everyone ask how I did that without breaking down. I did it for him.

Very rare for me to be out and about with much of anyone.

Same with me.

 

[Gracey]

I’d say yes.
Should someone I know arrive in person unexpectedly, I wobble.