Are School Events Worth It?

[jack_attack]

Hi,

Homecoming is in two days, and I've been on the fence about whether to go or not for weeks. I'm incredibly awkward and anxious in social situations, especially ones involving crowds, excessive background noise, and overstimulation in general. (High school assemblies are absolute torture). Also, I don't have a solid group of friends - only groups of acquaintances between whom I can bounce as a third wheel. So, homecoming and most other school events (games, other dances, etc) sound like hell.

Should I still give these things a try, just to get the experience so I don't regret missing out ten years down the line? Or is it just not worth it given my social and sensory challenges? Also, if I decide to go after all, what are some strategies to cope with these challenges?

Thanks!

~Jack Attack

 

[Tired]

I am NT, but I have a huge social anxiety and also don't have friends I can randomly bring with myself to some parties (not that I go to any). If I am forced to go somewhere (or have this fear of missing out), I go to the event and sit there for up to 2 hours, and then I'm telling how sorry I am that I need to go, and happily run away.
Drinking was helping me to cope, but because I stopped drinking alcohol, now I just prefer to stay near the person I know, and have a dialogue with them and anyone else who comes into the discussion, even tho I hate it.
If there is no one I know good enough, I just won't go.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

It sounds like you gave them a try. Do you think you will think of homecoming in ten years?

 

[Rodafina]

Hey @jack_attack
I think when we are young (and even as we age), it is a good idea to sometimes challenge ourselves and learn what our tolerances are. Some people here have reported loving big, noisy events like musical festivals or dancing events.

I think it's good not to resign yourself to the idea, "I'm autistic, I don't like big events."

BUT...

Sometimes, we give things a try and we know it's not for us. There is nothing wrong with not enjoying big events. Giving things a try to see if we like it is different than dragging ourselves to something just so we can have that experience and avoid regret later in life. "The experience" that you have at these big events may be different than what other people are experiencing.

If you do decide to go to this event, consider giving yourself an out - you can slip out whenever you want and retreat to a more comfortable place. Alternatively, you could just do something totally different that day - create your own fun experience or have a solo adventure so that you aren't just thinking about NOT going to homecoming. You're just doing your own thing.

If it is helpful to hear this, I do not regret missing out on most/all major social events in high school and college. I am 43 now and I never have feelings of wishing that I had overcome my aversion to big events. Instead of going to big events, I learned to love solo adventures, quiet spaces, and the occasional one to one connection with a friend.