Are you afraid of the dark?

[Nisk]

I'm curious as to what people are really afraid of and how it affects your life. For me the big 3 are commitment, change and being judged.

Fear of Commitment has led to many fights and my wife in tears many times because I didn't ask her to marry me.

Fear of Change has led to me refusing to do things when I know my way is wrong but I'm not willing to change.

Fear of judgment is why I can't be in a crowded room without thinking everyone is looking at me.

That's just a few example how they've affected my life

 

[Beverly]

To find any life affecting fears, I'd have to go back several decades. I have a mild fear of climbing ladders, not heights, I'm fine once I get up there, it's the ladder that scares me but, I can climb them.I don't have any fears that affect my life.

I don't fear judgement, someone is always going to judge me but, that's just their opinion.
I don't fear change, that is generally a good thing even if it's difficult.
I have no problem with commitment, I simply do not make commitments I am unwilling to be bound to or that I feel I would not be able to honor properly. I don't avoid commitment, I use wisdom and discretion before entering into one.

Some sounds make very agitated but, that isn't fear of the sound, it's sensitivity to it and, a marked dislike of the discomfort the sound causes.

 

[ancusmitis]

I'm afraid of letting people into my life that will be harmful or dangerous. I am afraid of being forced to interact with people. I'm afraid of being humiliated or attacked.

 

[Cosmophylla]

Ditto the fear of judgement... That holds me back from many, many things related to social contact. Speaking up in a group is just one thing. Going out. Playing sport. Making phone calls. Public speaking. Getting involved in causes I care about. Also fear of being judged for mistakes I make. Anything that draws attention to myself. It's funny that when I was doing visual arts at university 20 years ago I dressed as wildly as I could and felt that it was a kind of disguise. I could hide within my strange clothes and people were too embarrassed to look at me. I couldn't dress like that where I live now without being stared at. So I dress tamely.

Fear of making mistakes and not being able to go back and fix them. Is that fear of commitment? The sort of video games I like are the ones without lives to be lost. The ones where I can change my mind without consequences.

Fear of the dark still bothers me a little, but not too much these days... My two kids have somehow helped me almost conquer this fear.

Fear of things changing around me beyond my control. Sudden changes of plan. My favourite TV and radio shows going off air...

Fear of cockroaches and certain types of spider (mostly mygalomorphs...shudder), but I don't know if this fear or disgust. I had some bad experiences in earlier years that probably set this fear up.

Fear of seeing images that upset me, because I can never forget them and they haunt me forever. I don't watch many films, nor much TV because of this.

Fear of losing control of myself. To alcohol/drugs, to sensory overload, etc.

This is an interesting exercise.

 

[Progster]

I'm afraid of losing control of my environment, and seek to control it. I have a constant battle with myself not to turn into a complete control freak.
I fear change and not being able to cope with it.
I fear old age.
I fear death.
I fear exposure, that my mask will slip and people will see the real me underneath, I feel vulnerable and exposed.
I fear making mistakes and being judged.
I fear failure.
I fear elevators and being in a confined space with strangers.
I fear thunderstorms and sudden loud noises.

 

[Suzanne]

I am afraid that fear tends to rule my life!

My BIGGEST fear is scrutiny! The thought of being sized up, just TERRIFIES me. No matter how much I try to reason that it is normal and so what etc etc, it still halts me from achieving the best I can.

Like Progster, I fear old age; it is FRIGHTENING to look in the mirror and see lines on my forehead and what is commonly referred to as: crows feet, at the side of the eyes! I have a tiny bit of white in my hair, but am trying so hard to laugh about these things. For example: to have lines on the forehead, symbolizes a person who smiles and laughs a lot and yep, that would be me. With horror I have a slight double chin and honestly it crushes me and worse, it is not to do with weight; because I know this woman who is slim and yet, she has a double chin, so it has to do with the skin loosening! My "grey" bits, do amuse me because they are thicker than my "normal" hair and so, I have this idea that perhaps I can achieve the wonderful locks of hair, by just dying back to my red hair lol and also, I am pulling out the strands of grey hair or white, as they look on me, which makes me chuckle.

I also hate failure, despite the fact that it is inevitable that one fails! So, I tend to bulk back because I cannot cope with the end result of failing!

I fear meeting new people.

I fear upsetting people!

My faith truly helps me keep balance though!

 

[Cosmophylla]

Suzanne: please, please don't pull out those grey hairs... They might not grow back and then you'll be worrying about having NO hair! A decade ago I used to pull out those few greys I had until my hairdresser aunt scolded me for it. Now I'm about 35% grey at age 39. It's related to hormone imbalance in my case. If you're worried, perhaps you could look into how hormones affect your skin and hair?

Back to the topic: I'm the same as Suzanne in that my fears do tend to control my life these days. I live in fear of people calling, people coming over, meeting new people, going new places, going into my son's school and being looked at by other parents, doctor's visits, losing my family and having to fend for myself...

 

[Harrison]

The darkness has always been my friend, especially when I'm out and about. In the countryside, at night, I feel perfectly at home and safe. Can't say the same for cities though, they have those horrible human-thingies roaming about

Never been a fearful person and all the things I was scared of I conquered (except spiders). Flying was always my biggest phobia so I learnt to fly, once I was at the controls I was good.

 

[Slithytoves]

If we have no fears at all, we cease being as human, in my opinion. We lose personal dimension and psychological complexity. We also lose empathy and compassion. We can even develop pathology.

Off the top of my head: I fear loss, I fear death, and sometimes I fear change. It's uncomfortable but I'm glad I do. Fear can be a great motivator for growth. It gives us challenges to overcome. I've done a lot of interesting and informative things to learn to deal with these fears; I still have them, but at least I learned a lot more about what makes them tick, which makes them less paralyzing. I am now able to do things that scare me.

A line from one of my favorite songs, called Darkness (Peter Gabriel): "I have my fears, but they do not have me." That's what I strive for.

 

[Nisk]

I fear small talk with people I don't know, I will sit in silence or only answer questions when asked. This has made me come across as snobbish or just mean in many situations.

 

[ancusmitis]

I fear small talk with people I don't know, I will sit in silence or only answer questions when asked. This has made me come across as snobbish or just mean in many situations.

I've been there

 

[RidingDutchman]

I don't know if I can call it fear but I do live with a constant worry about everything, every action is deliberate and weighted for pros and cons.

Even as a kid I was incredibly safe (the first time i ever needed a bandaid was when I was 5) I'd rather watch other kids hurt themselves.

Aside from that I'm mainly afraid of things I don't know, like I check under the toilet (seat) if there might be any bugs there even though I'm not scared of bugs, just don't want to get surprised by them.
The rest of my things are more anxiety related as really due to fear (or maybe fear in low levels) like checking if I locked the doors or turned on my alarm clock or shut off my PC properly.

 

[Nisk]

I don't know if I can call it fear but I do live with a constant worry about everything, every action is deliberate and weighted for pros and cons.

Even as a kid I was incredibly safe (the first time i ever needed a bandaid was when I was 5) I'd rather watch other kids hurt themselves.

Aside from that I'm mainly afraid of things I don't know, like I check under the toilet (seat) if there might be any bugs there even though I'm not scared of bugs, just don't want to get surprised by them.
The rest of my things are more anxiety related as really due to fear (or maybe fear in low levels) like checking if I locked the doors or turned on my alarm clock or shut off my PC properly.

Fear of the unknown maybe?

 

[Cosmophylla]

Hmm, this topic has me wondering about the differences and similarities between fear and anxiety. Do they provoke different physiological responses, etc.? I must find out. I'd be interested in hearing others' thoughts.

 

[RidingDutchman]

Hmm, this topic has me wondering about the differences and similarities between fear and anxiety. Do they provoke different physiological responses, etc.? I must find out. I'd be interested in hearing others' thoughts.

To me, anxiety is a milder state of fear, as anxiety grows it becomes fear.

Anxious for me is a state of alert, becoming nervous and thinking of all the bad things that could happen. When I'm anxious I can still think quite clear although I get distracted quite quickly. As it turns to fear I lose control of common sense and nature takes over.

Example, if a small spider is staring at me I become anxious but realize it can't really hurt me but if a tarantula is eyeballing me, I just run off.

To me fear is the highest possible form of fright, but I have noticed that many people tend to use it a lot broader, but you asked for other peoples insights so here it is. Hope it's any clear and don't feel afraid to ask for clarifications

 

[Cosmophylla]

To me, anxiety is a milder state of fear, as anxiety grows it becomes fear.

Anxious for me is a state of alert, becoming nervous and thinking of all the bad things that could happen. When I'm anxious I can still think quite clear although I get distracted quite quickly. As it turns to fear I lose control of common sense and nature takes over.

Example, if a small spider is staring at me I become anxious but realize it can't really hurt me but if a tarantula is eyeballing me, I just run off.

To me fear is the highest possible form of fright, but I have noticed that many people tend to use it a lot broader, but you asked for other peoples insights so here it is. Hope it's any clear and don't feel afraid to ask for clarifications

Thank you, it's very clear. I would say I class fear as lasting longer than fright. That is, fright is the acute physiological reaction you have when confronted with your feared object/situation. Does that make sense? That is just my opinion. My fears are like baggage I carry everywhere... Fright/being scared is what happens when the fear bags are opened! My anxieties are things that keep me awake at night, but don't seem to provoke an acute response on their own. Only when those anxieties are realised (that is, they actually happen or seem about to happen) does my feeling escalate to a fear or fright.

Hmm, as I write I see that "fear" can be used in two ways: in the way you describe, as a less intense form of fright (but with adrenaline); and as a piece of baggage that one carries around in the way I described. Interesting.

 

[Cosmophylla]

I fear small talk with people I don't know, I will sit in silence or only answer questions when asked. This has made me come across as snobbish or just mean in many situations.

This is me, this is me! I wait in the car for my son to come out of school rather than have to go into the school and run into someone I know...

 

[NTgirl4276]

I am fearful of being deemed inadequate, particularly by friends or romantic partners.

I am fearful of being or becoming anyone's regret.

I am fearful of open doorways in mirror reflections (i.e. it makes me almost unbearably uneasy to stand in front of my bathroom mirror, with my open bathroom door reflected in it), and I am fearful of any mirror reflection in a dark or unlit room.

.... so, definitely both forms of fear that Cosmophylla mentioned above: fright and baggage.

 

[Cosmophylla]

I am fearful of being deemed inadequate, particularly by friends or romantic partners.

I am fearful of being or becoming anyone's regret.

I am fearful of open doorways in mirror reflections (i.e. it makes me almost unbearably uneasy to stand in front of my bathroom mirror, with my open bathroom door reflected in it), and I am fearful of any mirror reflection in a dark or unlit room.

.... so, definitely both forms of fear that Cosmophylla mentioned above: fright and baggage.

Oh yes, that fear of failing to live up to another's expectations! Even the fear I feel as I write on here... Will people think I'm this, or that, etc.?

 

[Suzanne]

Suzanne: please, please don't pull out those grey hairs... They might not grow back and then you'll be worrying about having NO hair! A decade ago I used to pull out those few greys I had until my hairdresser aunt scolded me for it. Now I'm about 35% grey at age 39. It's related to hormone imbalance in my case. If you're worried, perhaps you could look into how hormones affect your skin and hair?

Back to the topic: I'm the same as Suzanne in that my fears do tend to control my life these days. I live in fear of people calling, people coming over, meeting new people, going new places, going into my son's school and being looked at by other parents, doctor's visits, losing my family and having to fend for myself...

So sorry, that is not what I meant! I brush my hair and they come out naturally! I cannot see them anyway and so, it is only when I am brushing my hair and just occasionally see a wire type strand and think: ah there you are again! But at 45, it is normal.