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Are you good at texting?

M

mikeanthony

New Member
When I was employed and had kept in contact with a couple guys they would joke at the fire station how they would be texting me in a conversation and then I just disappear...

I will say this...

I hesitated even posting in this forum because I criticize myself so much. I have a voice in my head constantly criticizing me, Ive developed it to keep me safe...

I guess I just never learned how to end a conversation...I havent texted or talked to anyone from work since August last year. Theyve called and texted and stopped by but I ignore everything.
 
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I also hesitate to respond to anyone.

I just ignore.

People from work would call me to do something and I would completely ignore the message. To the point that I feel like if I didnt listen to the message or read the text then I never got it.

I delete messages and texts without reading them.
 
I think Ive learned that Im so bad at social interactions that its easier to avoid them.

The only time I was good at them was when I was drunk.

If i text people then they want to hang out and Im not that kinda person. That want to go out with wives and I dont have that type of conversation..

Ive always had an issue my entire life that if I was ever called on in class or a had a groups attention, even my own family I blush and become completely red faced. It was real bad and people would make fun of me. Still happens.
 
I actually have much the same problem. It’s taken years of experience for me to become somewhat comfortable posting on forums like this, I still often deliberately hit “cancel” instead of “post.” The first forum I was on (not this one), it took me at least a year of just reading to join and years after that to make my first post.

I do not do direct conversation well at all. I’m better now with indirect, where attention is not on me alone, like if I’m one of multiple people replying to something here. Things where I don’t have to come up with something immediately are a little better, but only a little, I still often end up not replying to people because I can’t think of anything to say that seems even remotely adequate. I’m sure that gives the impression that I don’t care, when in fact the opposite is true. I have extreme trouble initiating any sort of interaction. In person, I’m incapable of speaking when I’m extremely nervous. Even if I can find words, I can’t get them out no matter how hard I try. Of course because I speak fine sometimes, nobody who’s met me in person believes that’s true, but that’s a whole nother topic.
 
I don't mimd written responses and I like the casual nature of texts. But I don't like conversing that way back and forth. It is tedious and I always feel pressured to respond quickly.
 
I feel like I'm better at texting than at in-person conversations. I'm more comfortable and more expressive. I'm not always good at having conversations, and don't always know what to say, but I really prefer texting to speaking.
 
I’m not necessarily bad at texting, but sometimes I get distracted while writing a response, and then I don’t respond, and then I feel like too much time has passed for me to respond and I just feel bad.
 
I get it.
Phone calls I just completely ignore, do not phone me because I will not answer the phone. I HATE speaking on the phone.
As for texting, well it could take me days to respond, it's not that I do not want to (some cases and people are an exception to this). Tend to think text messages over and over constantly before sending them, make sure people could understand me, that the tone is not such that it conveys something different from intended message.

Try to explain to people that you are not ghosting, just a thorough person
 
Binary_Bark said:
Phone calls I just completely ignore, do not phone me because I will not answer the phone. I HATE speaking on the phone.
Click to expand...

Same here. Although sometimes it is a necessity.
But, I do not answer the phone. It has a message machine on which people can leave a
message. If it is important or someone I know, I will answer and return the call.
This keeps Robo calls and solicitors to a minimum.
The more in person answers of the phone they get the more they keep calling.

Texting is tedious. Only two people I ever text, and I keep it short.
 
SusanLR said:
Same here. Although sometimes it is a necessity.
But, I do not answer the phone. It has a message machine on which people can leave a
message. If it is important or someone I know, I will answer and return the call.
This keeps Robo calls and solicitors to a minimum.
The more in person answers of the phone they get the more they keep calling.

Texting is tedious. Only two people I ever text, and I keep it short.
Click to expand...

Forest Cat said:
I have had some problems with that too, I never liked phones and over time the sound of a phone ringing turned into something very negative for me. Something stressful and uncomfortable. My phone is always in the same place, a table in a corner, with the sound off, and I just check it now and then.

I really have to do something about that, it's a little rude to ignore people and not a good thing to do. But phones just suck, talking on the phone isn't fun. But I do like to stay in touch with people and talk with them, so it’s a stupid issue. Now we live in a world with phones everywhere all the time, so I have to fix this somehow, work on my phone habits.
Click to expand...

Somehow became a negative thing for me as well. Especially at work, been accused many times of being rude/ angry on the phone. It's just how I talk, if the needs be.
Problem is, as with texting, it takes a bit for my brain to be happy with what is written or being said. Even after, I still have the need to change the wording or writing, much more difficult to do so when speaking on the phone.

Think that one of the contributions to this texting and speaking on the phone, is that we on the spectrum, already find it taxing trying to work out what someone is saying through body language or small social cues in speech or movement.
Not being able to see the person increases the anxiety levels.
 
I find I'm the one who posts and others hesitate to reply. I feel like a lot of my Messenger conversations are rather one sided. It's hardly what I'd call flowing conversation. It can get rather disheartening, as it's been a running theme for years.

Sure, I get that not everyone uses Messenger a lot. But for messages to be read and to not receive a reply in days or weeks? I think that's very rude.

It's not like I don't get on with the people I message. Perhaps it's an age thing. People seemed to be a lot more pro-active and energetic in IM conversations when we were in our teens and early 20's.

Ed
 
I rarely text. If I do it is mostly to my caseworker. My dad has an iPhone and I don’t but if he texts me from his phone, it’ll pop up on my iPad. My old phone was a flip up and would have taken me forever to type one sentence using that tiny keypad and pressing repeatedly until I got the letter or number that I wanted. I didn’t even know how to take pics with it and then send it as a text. Texting just doesn’t feel natural to me.
 
dragonfire42 said:
I actually have much the same problem. It’s taken years of experience for me to become somewhat comfortable posting on forums like this, I still often deliberately hit “cancel” instead of “post.” The first forum I was on (not this one), it took me at least a year of just reading to join and years after that to make my first post.

I do not do direct conversation well at all. I’m better now with indirect, where attention is not on me alone, like if I’m one of multiple people replying to something here. Things where I don’t have to come up with something immediately are a little better, but only a little, I still often end up not replying to people because I can’t think of anything to say that seems even remotely adequate. I’m sure that gives the impression that I don’t care, when in fact the opposite is true. I have extreme trouble initiating any sort of interaction. In person, I’m incapable of speaking when I’m extremely nervous. Even if I can find words, I can’t get them out no matter how hard I try. Of course because I speak fine sometimes, nobody who’s met me in person believes that’s true, but that’s a whole nother topic.
Click to expand...


Yes, this is me exactly.

Even in groups of people that have the same interests, like forums with fruit trees, I still hesitate to post. I hate replying too.

If someone does text me, email me or respond to a post I usually take while to return it or not at all...its like a I can 'feel' something but cant express it properly.
 
Binary_Bark said:
Phone calls I just completely ignore, do not phone me because I will not answer the phone. I HATE speaking on the phone.
Click to expand...


SusanLR said:
But, I do not answer the phone.
Click to expand...

I also let the phone calls go to message.

The phone is a necessary tool but speaking with it drains me and sometimes I end up shaking with anxiety. I’m extremely vulnerable to voices and sounds. It’s like way, way too much of my brain gets activated, wnile the other part, the reasonable part, gets extraordinarily frustrated and pissed off. This doesn’t happen every time I have to take a call, but often. When I make a call, I have a plan in place as to how I am going to proceed.

So for me, compared to phone calls, texting is better.
 
I am pretty gosh darn bad at texting… it’s that whole “object permanence” thing plus not really knowing how to interact with others smoothly… and a tad bit of social anxiety. I’ve gone months without texting good friends of mine. God forbid I get a text from someone I’m not close with! They’ll never hear back from me…

I try not to beat myself up about it, but sometimes I do feel bad :( I attempt to explain it the best I can if it ever comes up. Not sure what else to do beyond that…
 
When Covid started in 2020 my psych/therapist when to online/zoom appointments for visits...

It was a complete deal-breaker for me...I didnt want to do it and I knew I would hate it. I was very reluctant to try and the psych insisted I would like it but couldnt stand it!!!

That was my last appt and I havent really got to talk to anyone since then March 2020...

There is just something about communicating in person. I fee like I tell part of my feelings with my body, my posture, my movements and I get feedback when I can see them and their movements...

phones, texting, zoom,...it all seems so unnatural and its like nails on a chalkboard to my mind.
 
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