Arguement with family.

[FreeStone]

A huge argument broke out with my family.
They talked about their frustration with me for my behavior, personality, and disagreeableness despite explaining my aspergers and my illiteracy when it comes to the rules that govern social life.
I'm still undiagnosed and they won't believe me once I get one (it seems) which will take months.
I'm so tired.

 

[toothless]

dont bring up labels unless your diagnosed, you will get that paranoia and lack of trust from them otherwise,family should always support each other in an ideal world but when youve got to put up with ignorance your best of describing your impairments instead,eg; 'i struggle to do x because i have social difficulties and misunderstand people easily i dont mean to though so i apologise if ive upset you', 'i get overloaded and/or feel pain by lights/sound/taste/touch', 'if you want to hug me could you hug me tightly please because light touch hurts me' OR 'please can you shake hands with me instead i really struggle with hugging,it hurts and overloads me', you know-that sort of thing, just make sure not to mention aspergers, if you do get diagnosed and they still dont trust you, it doesnt completely matter as at least youll know in your own mind you are autistic so screw everyone else you are an independant person who doesnt need their input to know you are who you are.

 

[FreeStone]

"dont bring up labels unless your diagnosed, you will get that paranoia and lack of trust from them".
That is a really good idea and I wish I had thought of it some months ago. I guess I can stop bringing up the A word again from here on out but it might be too late.

 

[Mia]

So sorry Free Stone, that has to be so hard, I know something of how that feels. Think that you might want into look into family dynamics, it sounds as if you might be the scapegoat in your family environment. It might help you decide what you want to do at this point.

"In dysfunctional families, black sheep are often viewed and treated as scapegoats within the family. Scapegoating involves the practice of singling out a party for unmerited negative treatment or blame; it can be likened to bullying."
https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/toxic-families-who-scapegoat/​

No family is ever perfect, they all seem to have difficulties. But some are worse than others in the way that they treat their children or one another. It's one of the reasons I left my own biological family at the age of sixteen and made a life for myself. There's a fine line between what's best for someone and what is considered abuse, both psychological and emotional.

A normal family would solve their differences and help one another. Here's an example of a regular family, something I actually had no idea about:

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/12/15/what-makes-a-family-functional-vs-dysfunctional/

Here's another example called Maslow's hierarchy of needs, which is a pyramid of what is required for all individuals to function well:

http://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html


These are things that you should know and understand, without them families are problematic and dysfunctional. If you don't have anything but basic needs met, then there will be difficulties all along.

 

[midlife aspie]

I know how you must feel. If you try to do your own explaining, it's just you making excuses. You have no credibility. Your family will likely need a neutral third party explanation of your condition for things to sink in.

 

[toothless]

"dont bring up labels unless your diagnosed, you will get that paranoia and lack of trust from them".
That is a really good idea and I wish I had thought of it some months ago. I guess I can stop bringing up the A word again from here on out but it might be too late.

its not to late-they cant denie you have x or trait as they are a part of you-they arent a diagnosis as such,its like if i said to my support staff; i have schizophrenia because i scored high on the PANSS test [positive and negative syndrome scale] 5 yrs ago given by a pyschologist, they dont believe i have schizophrenia because its not written on my record but they do acknowledge it when i tell them the voices i heard and people i saw and the behaviors i did,they simply cant denie something i feel-its like saying you cant be sad when you feel sad-i cant tell you how you experience the world.

if your family continue to denie your traits just wait till you get it on paper and wave it in their faces,if they behave like armchair psychologists and denie your diagnosis then youve done your best and you will have to ignore their opinions, i get that problem sometimes-when new support staff see me they think im not classic autistic because i can speak to an extent,they dont realise i was non verbal up until my late twenties and i was much more severely challenging up until two years ago when my medication was altered. i just have to avoid speaking about my autism around them and i dont get their ignorance thrown back at me- saves me suffering from anxiety.

 

[Judge]

Me too. I finally had it out with my cousin on Thanksgiving evening. I guess it was inevitable. Right now I'm in the process of writing an email to her explaining that I won't be sharing Christmas with her. Or any holiday or day at all with her in the foreseeable future.

I can no longer be around much of anyone who demands that people behave like "shiny happy people holding hands". And that if you don't she "unloads" on you.
In her militant pursuit of being unreasonably cult-like positive 24/7, she's becoming less "Pollyanna" and more "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde". It is her who needs an intervention- not me.

People of all kinds regardless of neurology have positive and negative traits. It's absurd to expect people to be able to selectively project only their positive traits just to appease a single person. It's hard enough for anyone to have to "walk on eggshells" just to pacify someone to accommodate their hypocrisy. I can't tolerate this any more.

I'd rather spend Christmas alone now. Far less stressful. I'm done with my cousin.

 

[wight]

they don't like your personality? seriously!? So basically they are saying they don't like YOU.

I realize this is family so it's not easy as this; but I don't go around people that don't like me. Especially ones that are abusive about it. This is why I don't talk to my sister.

 

[FreeStone]

I know how you must feel. If you try to do your own explaining, it's just you making excuses. You have no credibility. Your family will likely need a neutral third party explanation of your condition for things to sink in.

I'm doing case management with a social worker and I'm seeing a therapist for general sessions that could talk with them but it might not be good enough since it is not a straight up diagnosis.