As a NT what should I do?

[Manulika Sharma]

I have a co-worker who is an Aspie. When he joined my company I fell for him instantly but did not realize he was an aspie. I thought he was mean when he was just being brutally honest, he didn’t understand my sarcasm and thought I was annoying but we started going to the gym together and we got physically involved with each other. We both were in a committed relationship then (yes we both cheated ). But he never showed any affection or emotions towards me but it wasn’t strictly physical either. We hung out as friends, watched movies, went for dinners, worked out together.

eventually I realized he is different and then understood about his Asperger and ever since then my approach towards Him changed naturally considering I knew he was not being mean. And since then we have been very close. He has mellowed down towards me, cares for me (we still are physically involved).

just about a month ago coincidentally we both went through a break up with our respective partners and I moved in with him as his roommate.

Me being me I naturally show affection and emotions towards him where as him he holds himself back. Like he wants to show affection but he does not. Our intimacy with each other is passionate. He cuddles with me when he sleeps, kisses me in the middle of the night with no sexual intent. But when he is awake he tries to keep his affection away.

He says he feels emotions towards me but it’s not romantic also I am not his girlfriend. Also he is not over his girlfriend. Their relationship was messed up but he loved her. He thought she was the one even when he had to make all the compromises and she controlled him. And he says he would have continued to do so had she not broken up.

Will this change eventually. Will he realize that I genuinely feel for him? Will he stop holding himself back and start showing affection towards me?

how do aspies deal with situations like this.

please don’t judge me. I am honestly looking for help and I genuinely feel for him.

 

[Wolfgangus Faldestolius]

I'm probably more than twice his age. Now, I wouldn't let you move in. At his age, I'd have been without hope.

In other words, don't package deal.

 

[Tom]

If this is the same guy you spoke about before, you don't actually know if he is aspie. You tried to get some indication by taking an online Aspie test yourself, inserting answers as you imagined he would answer, because as you put it 'you know him inside and out'.

Although I concede that methodology is marginally better then asking a arcade fortune telling machine, it still falls short of conclusive.

All I see is some sort of irregularly shaped love/sex quadrilateral and all I can say is try not to hurt anyone, and protect yourself from being hurt.

 

[Judge]

He says he feels emotions towards me but it’s not romantic also I am not his girlfriend. Also he is not over his girlfriend. Their relationship was messed up but he loved her.

Forget neurological considerations. Just focus on the obvious.

The good news: He's being quite honest about his situation. The bad news: He's being quite honest about his situation. Based on what he's told you, clearly he still cares about his significant other. With no apparent indication that this will change.

In the meantime, he's having his cake and eating it too. Clearly you aren't. So you need to move on, and it perhaps terminate your present relationship that caused you to look elsewhere. With the intent to avoid getting involved with anyone who is already in another relationship. Look for a relationship with a future rather than clinging to an emotional trainwreck.

While I've never cheated on a significant other, I did once have a relationship with a married woman I met at work. We were good friends, and I always liked her. However I could never really get beyond that for a simple concern. That if she was so willing to cheat on her husband, what's to keep her from cheating on me?

This always haunted me, and kept me from becoming emotionally intimate with her. Eventually I made a painful decision to ghost her altogether. She never attempted to contact me, and I've always suspected she knew all along as to why I ended our relationship.

 

[Magna]

If this is the same guy you spoke about before, you don't actually know if he is aspie. You tried to get some indication by taking an online Aspie test yourself, inserting answers as you imagined he would answer, because as you put it 'you know him inside and out'.

Although I concede that methodology is marginally better then asking a arcade fortune telling machine, it still falls short of conclusive.

All I see is some sort of irregularly shaped love/sex quadrilateral and all I can say is try not to hurt anyone, and protect yourself from being hurt.

I was going to ask if he'd been formally diagnosed or if she suspected that he was autistic. I see I'm not the only one then that was wondering about that.

 

[Rasputin]

I have a co-worker who is an Aspie. When he joined my company I fell for him instantly but did not realize he was an aspie. I thought he was mean when he was just being brutally honest, he didn’t understand my sarcasm and thought I was annoying but we started going to the gym together and we got physically involved with each other. We both were in a committed relationship then (yes we both cheated ). But he never showed any affection or emotions towards me but it wasn’t strictly physical either. We hung out as friends, watched movies, went for dinners, worked out together.

eventually I realized he is different and then understood about his Asperger and ever since then my approach towards Him changed naturally considering I knew he was not being mean. And since then we have been very close. He has mellowed down towards me, cares for me (we still are physically involved).

just about a month ago coincidentally we both went through a break up with our respective partners and I moved in with him as his roommate.

Me being me I naturally show affection and emotions towards him where as him he holds himself back. Like he wants to show affection but he does not. Our intimacy with each other is passionate. He cuddles with me when he sleeps, kisses me in the middle of the night with no sexual intent. But when he is awake he tries to keep his affection away.

He says he feels emotions towards me but it’s not romantic also I am not his girlfriend. Also he is not over his girlfriend. Their relationship was messed up but he loved her. He thought she was the one even when he had to make all the compromises and she controlled him. And he says he would have continued to do so had she not broken up.

Will this change eventually. Will he realize that I genuinely feel for him? Will he stop holding himself back and start showing affection towards me?

how do aspies deal with situations like this.

please don’t judge me. I am honestly looking for help and I genuinely feel for him.

I would have a serious discussion to ask how he feels about you, and you tell him how you feel. It takes time to earn trust, and if he feels pressured that could cause anxiety. No one here is able to advise what you should do.

 

[Thinx]

Mmm I think I can see why his girlfriend left him. What you see is what you get with this guy, I think. Enjoy!

 

[Jumpback]

I have a co-worker who is an Aspie. When he joined my company I fell for him instantly but did not realize he was an aspie. I thought he was mean when he was just being brutally honest, he didn’t understand my sarcasm and thought I was annoying but we started going to the gym together and we got physically involved with each other. We both were in a committed relationship then (yes we both cheated ). But he never showed any affection or emotions towards me but it wasn’t strictly physical either. We hung out as friends, watched movies, went for dinners, worked out together.

eventually I realized he is different and then understood about his Asperger and ever since then my approach towards Him changed naturally considering I knew he was not being mean. And since then we have been very close. He has mellowed down towards me, cares for me (we still are physically involved).

just about a month ago coincidentally we both went through a break up with our respective partners and I moved in with him as his roommate.

Me being me I naturally show affection and emotions towards him where as him he holds himself back. Like he wants to show affection but he does not. Our intimacy with each other is passionate. He cuddles with me when he sleeps, kisses me in the middle of the night with no sexual intent. But when he is awake he tries to keep his affection away.

He says he feels emotions towards me but it’s not romantic also I am not his girlfriend. Also he is not over his girlfriend. Their relationship was messed up but he loved her. He thought she was the one even when he had to make all the compromises and she controlled him. And he says he would have continued to do so had she not broken up.

Will this change eventually. Will he realize that I genuinely feel for him? Will he stop holding himself back and start showing affection towards me?

how do aspies deal with situations like this.

please don’t judge me. I am honestly looking for help and I genuinely feel for him.

I have always had a great deal of difficulty getting over past girlfriends. But then, I also have known a couple girls who I was only interested in for temporary companionship.

I haven't cheated, but that might just be because that such things seemed highly unlikely among adults I knew growing up, so the what I learned was just don't do these things.

 

[Fino]

It's interesting that when you met, you thought he was mean and he thought you were annoying, yet you started going to the gym together then became physical.

 

[Wolfgangus Faldestolius]

Manulika, he "thinks" drifting into physicality with whoever is the done thing because that's all he was ever taught. No matter what a jerk he is, and no matter if you believe the same, you are still taking advantage of him because you know you are quicker on the uptake but you are not even making it work to your own advantage.

Don't mix business & pleasure:

business = roof over your head
pleasure = physicality with whoever (in your scenario if I understand it)

Move onto the sofa at nights and admit you lost time looking for somewhere else.

Then company keeping can be done for company keeping's sake.