AS parent of non-AS child

[ClaudiaQ]

Hello,

I see there's a huge community of parents of AS children, but I would like to find parents who have been diagnosed AS themselves, not their kids.

That seems to be my case.

Trying to help my 3-year-old son who is a late speaker, I find out that I have AS (self-diagnosed).
So far, he probably hasn't any developmental issue, according to his audiologist.

I'm searching for professional help, but first of all, I would like to know about personal experiences and insights on this situation.

My greatest concern is how can I help him develop properly, in all fields, since I have natural difficulties that he may not have.

I'm a 34-year-old mom, married to a non-AS husband.
I will look for diagnosis, although I don't really feel it's necessary.
Reading about AS really let me solve the secret puzzle of my life.
Then I did Dr. Baron-Cohen's online test (I did it twice, scoring 38 first and then 32) and also Aspie-quiz, where I scored 168 out of 200.

Any mom or dad who could share concerns and directions?

Thank you.

 

[epath13]

What country do you live in?
And another question... Oh, wait, Hi yeah, another question, you've said your son is a late speaker, does he talk at all?
The reason why I'm asking about where you're from to see if I can get a picture about Autism awareness in your area.
I'm in my 30s somewhere I'm married to a guy who seems to be normal, ADHD and dyslexia don't seem to bother him that much anymore. 2 kids, one officially diagnozed with ASD, another one may never get diagnozed, we'll see how he does without it. He's most likely going to get IEP and that's good. My husband still has doubts about him being on the spectrum even though he goes back and forward with it... I see a lot of myself in my son, so I'm about 90% sure he's on the spectrum.
So... What would you like to know, talk about?

 

[ClaudiaQ]

Hi!

Interesting that you've asked where do I live/come from. I'm Brazilian, currently living in Uruguay. If AS is tabu everywhere, you can consider it an "extra" tabu in a culture of impulsive and loud speakers. In Brazil, oral communication skills are specially valuable. In the common sense, it is a sign of intelligence, almost the same as wit, as it's related to "quick thinkers". What a stupid idea. In my culture, "normal" people should enjoy noise, as it's the sound of happiness: parties, busy places, any sort of joyful chaos. If someone doesn't talk too much, he is boring, or just doesn't have anything interesting to say. If someone likes silence, he is depressed. Autism equals schizophrenia.

Yeap, that's my world.

So I grew up listening that I was always saying "funny" things (when I was not trying to be funny), or talking too little, or being somewhat clumsy, or being distant ("hey, wake up!" / "are you there?"). My friends used to say things like that, and they were not trying to hurt me. They just though I was funny, and I tried to look cool about it, but I knew that I was actually different. What teenager can feel "normal" when he/she enjoys *a lot* chemistry homeworks? Or what teenager can freely talk about her personal project of the Greek mythology family tree?

For a while, I though everybody had his own little secret interest. Then I realized that I was immersed in a culture of exclusive mass media consumers that would never understand - or respect - my interests, or any difference. Ok, that sounds global, but it's even worse in the countries where thinking is not valuable by its own people. You make no idea what sort of people become celebrity in Brazil, perpetuating the concepts above.

Sorry for that, but there was no other way to present my country in this context. And I love many aspects of Brazil.

So my husband was relocated to Uruguay and we all moved there. Spanish-speaking country. People at my son's school noticed a delay in his speech development, but first they believed it was because of the bilingual experience (he was 2, Portuguese and Spanish have many false similarities, sound different etc.) But, a year later, not only he was not speaking Spanish at all, his Portuguese vocabulary was not bigger than 80 words. It should be at least 500 words. It could be 1000 words. And, the worst fact: almost no use of grammar. Nothing more than "want water" or "no water".

Then we went to the recommended audiologist. She spent three afternoons with him and concluded he had no developmental issues, but, let's say, probably a "lack of stimuli". Yeah, I felt that was for me.
Well, since he was born, I actually quit my job to be a full time mom, just to be with him. So it was not easy to hear, three years later, that maybe I did not talk or play enough to/with him. And, honestly, I feel somewhat guilty.
I had no idea that my "personality" could affect his development. Could it? I still question myself, since I did not live in a cave with him. We saw family everyday, we walked a lot, we moved amongst busy talking people. But, well, I talked little, I played even less.

But let's move ahead. I'm already trying to talk every single moment to him, trying to play with him, trying to get involved with the neighborhood's "moms community". He is actually improving a lot his vocabulary (although his grammar use is still very poor), he is enjoying all kinds of play, spending time with those plays, and he just loves to meet the kids at the park and to go with them and mommies or after school to ice cream shops and cafes.

I feel we both are developing, although I don't think I'll ever like chatting trivia. I feel how difficult it is to find someone interesting to me, then I wonder that maybe I just won't, because of me, not people.
How can that affect my son's interactions, in a long therm?

Any experience, thought or direction, any idea on this issue will be absolutely welcome.