ASD impossible to meet new people.

[Tony Ramirez]

After googling this topic and getting profanity from reddit with safe search on I decided to post here where you are more polite.

I notice that whenever I try to make new friends, I find that it is impossible. I go to new places, but it is either the same people or I am the only one that shows up as everyone flakes. Example is my yoga studio was doing a fitness group. The first pre session was cancelled because only I showed up. The following week I was promised new people would show up but when I got there for the actual six-week session I was the only one. They still are doing it but again, besides only knowing the teachers, it's a dead end.

Then at Church or church events the lent prayer only one married man I know that time we meet in the park and two woman I know because I have their numbers were there. Again, no new people to meet.

So, is it just an ASD thing that people flake or is it something else?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

How come you are constantly the only person going to the sessions?

Because I want to still get out of the house. No one else signed up or shows up.

 

[Forest Cat]

Is there still a covid problem where you are? Maybe people are still avoiding gatherings like that, groups of people breathing on each other, because of covid.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Is there still a covid problem where you are? Maybe people are still avoiding gatherings like that, groups of people breathing on each other, because of covid.

No, it's not. The actual yoga classes are full. I am talking about social groups. Same with church, which is full, it's the groups that people flake.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

So, is it just an ASD thing that people flake or is it something else?

Something else. I just think you happened to sign up for a few "unpopular" events and nobody showed up. Happens. I don't think for a second that it had anything, at all, to do with you. Just bad luck, nothing else.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

It seems like they are all "unpopular". If people do show up it's the same people. This is why I stopped going to preservice prayer.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

It seems like they are all "unpopular". If people do show up it's the same people. This is why I stopped going to preservice prayer.

That's pretty typical, I would think. You always have those small groups of people at church that are highly active and social. My wife's church has the same dynamic. She has her "chick group", the same 8 gals that do everything together.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I just hate seeing or hearing these words from people especially new ones "I can't make it", "I'm busy".

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Also I would stop going to the lent prayer but we are only doing it until Easter.

 

[Kregan]

I tend to shy away from groups now days, but the ones I used to hang out with were usually either card games, like Trading card games, or a few parties.

What I usually experience is, someone always needs to be the center of attention, and everyone else seems to air those people up, and I don't usually follow suit, and I eventually get ostracized.

When it comes to the card games it's easier for me as I can focus on the rules of the game, and they are inflexible so nothing to get upset about (meltdown) I do tend to have a meltdown if people cheat.

I have never mastered truly understanding others as I have PTSD and implicitly do not trust anyone enough to open up anymore.

I would say if you truly want to find new people to hang out with, if you have time and resources, find a hobby that is interactive with others so it is exciting for all members present, and the guidelines are set.

 

[Kregan]

Yeah I have met a handful of people I honestly would say are trustworthy people, people who you could leave a sweat shirt at their place during a party and it would still be there the next time you stopped by(even 2 weeks later.)

But I find usually people when they associate with anyone, usually there is a motive(small talk is an exception.)

I flocked to TCG groups as I said because there were set rules, and everyone was like me in that they didn't have a lot of money, and we played the decks made of cards pulled from packs(no online orders)

 

[Skittlebisquit]

Hi tony
I think you need some hobbies that are more nerdy. Things like tabletop rpg games, model making, dioramas, collecting comic books and action figures, stuff like that. Anime films.

It seems like you are trying to make new friends in places that just arent a great fit for your personality. Like you are fishing in a dry creek.

Nerds are awesome. They(we) are kind of a bit off. They talk for hours about marvel universe dynamics, and table top gaming is more fun than you might think.

 

[paloftoon]

These sessions you are finding, are they free?
Sometimes people don't take free things seriously. If they had to pay, they WILL show up or they would have had a good reason for canceling for sure.

Is it possible these other people know you from another context and they don't want to be around you because of prior experience?

Sorry this is going to be a bit harsh, but it has to be said: Just from me reading some of your past posts, I feel like I wouldn't want to hang with you. I feel like you do and think of things in a way where you're expecting others to do things for you and you aren't able to do things on your own or be intellectual enough.

Even in a nerdy group, this kind of dynamic will have importance. I think it'll be easier to work in this space than the spaces you have been trying it sounds like. At least you live in/near a big city. So, you have many options and a plethora of different groups of people to meet. You mess up with one group, you try to learn from it and move to the next thing.