ask culture vs. guess culture

[ZaphodsCloset]

Do you relate to this, at all?

Ask Culture vs. Guess Culture | Ask MetaFilter
"In some families, you grow up with the expectation that it's OK to ask for anything at all, but you gotta realize you might get no for an answer. This is Ask Culture.

In Guess Culture, you avoid putting a request into words unless you're pretty sure the answer will be yes."

Which side do you tend toward?

 

[Harrison]

I belong in the 'ask culture', growing up I was taught to ask and accept that it might not go the way I wanted. As a result I just carried on that way through life, disappointment isn't something I worry about as I just adapt.

 

[zurb]

I think this is similar to high context vs low context cultures, and direct vs indirect cultures. All different names for the same thing. Particular cultures tend towards one or the other, but within the culture you will still have variation.
Western cultures tend to be more of the ask/direct type to varying degrees. Personally, I veer more towards the indirect than my culture, but in typical paradoxical aspie style, I don't like people being too vague with me (or too blunt either I guess).

 

[Suzanne]

Second one, because every time I did ask, I was shot down in flames, which has resulted in me, not being able to ask and when there is no choice, I am fully prepared to be turned down and, sometimes, I am pleasantly surprised and other times, sadly accurate.

Of course, I am in the situation that I rarely receive, because I rarely ask.

 

[epath13]

Nagging culture growing up I wouldn't leave my parents alone until I got what I wanted. Sometimes I didn't but in many cases I did. I had to come up with all kinds of reasons, I had to talk to them about all the positive impact receiving a thing would have. Let me put it this way, in many cases I was very convincing some things took longer, but I still got what I wanted... man, I should have become a lawyer I'm not even sure how I would survive in the guessing one, it would be too confusing.

 

[paloftoon]

I think one works better than the other, and sometimes neither works and you just have to deal with the situation. You aren't expected to know the "right answer." You may be expected to deal with the situation.

 

[Jess]

My family endorsed the guess culture for sure. My siblings and I learned to keep quiet and only ask for something if we "knew" the answer would be yes. Otherwise we just suffered silently rather than have the experience of being told "no."

 

[AsheSkyler]

I asked. If I get a no, I want to know why rather than trying to figure out why.

 

[Judge]

LOL...I grew up in a military family. Where an "ask culture" didn't exist!

 

[DogwoodTree]

Wow, that's a great discussion over there, and I really like the post you linked to. Lots of food for thought...yummy.

To answer your question...my family-of-origin was and is extremely enmeshed and tended heavily toward the "guess" culture when I was a kid. I think my sisters have moved away from that some for their own purposes (they're not afraid to say no, but still don't like to hear no from others), but the expectation on me and within me still seems to be to conform to that guess approach.

As I've tried to take more of what they're calling the "ask" culture, my family has been highly offended that I would ever say no to them, especially my mom, even though they don't have a problem saying no to me (which I hardly ever ask for anything anyway, and it's always with a very clear message of freedom that they can say yes or no in response).

I think this is similar to high context vs low context cultures, and direct vs indirect cultures. All different names for the same thing. Particular cultures tend towards one or the other, but within the culture you will still have variation.

Google food...yay.