total-recoil
Well-Known Member
I've been asking myself some tough questions lately and thought I'd ask the same questions here for people to apply to themselves.
First, let's recap on the meaning of autism = selfism. Many people on this forum are believed to be on the autistic spectrum. The conception originally behind the term "autism" is that people with HFA or Aspergers are "defective". Our tendency to withdraw from society, together with our awkward social skills, apparent poor, initial performance in class (HFA) and our mood swings has led psychologists to conclude we suffer from autism. Going against this is a more recent tendency to conclude that, in actual fact, people with Aspergers are not defective at all. Rather they are neurologically distinct. A few people have even proposed Aspergers is a genetic personality type.
O.K., here is where I start: I would say roughly that 80 per cent of my actual problems or autistic traits have to be viewed in a social context. I was considered slow and autistic because of my difficulty relating to other people. I was aware of this reality from possibly the age of 3!. As a direct consequence, difficulties relating to others created an ever wider void which creates a kind of vicious circle. The more you withdraw, the more you become "different", "independently minded", socially off-balance. This then creates a massive pressure on the individual. Little wonder depression follows. For example, many neurotypicals who go abroad to work in places like Japan or Korea sometimes suffer major depression as the sense of social isolation throws them off balance, they feel disconnected, insignificant and strange. For aspies, it is like that but much worse.
The problem I do have is with those other Asperger traits that seemingly aren't to be viewed in a social context. In my case, this is sensitivity to noise. I get angry when cars pass me on a quiet road and I'm deep in thought. Some clothes seem to itch. Also, when things don't go my way and my sense of order is disturbed, I can suffer rage. I would be the first to admit such anger isn't normal. To add to the list, failure disturbs or even depresses me and I often blow things out of proportion. Needless to say, my way of thinking is if I lived on a desert island I think maybe I'd be happier but I would still have those other abnormal symptoms which have no social link or connection (not triggered by other people).
Soooo, this is really a hard thing to get to grips with. I ask myself the question, am I actually autistic? Am I "defective". Do I view myself as a neurologically diverse person or as someone who "suffers" from autism?
Something that came to mind suddenly the other day was a recollection of how I used to be so quiet during childhood. Evidently I used to stare out of a window with my thoughts miles away from reality, not wanting to connect with the world or acknowledge it. My family sensed something was wrong and took me to see a doctor who ran blood tests because my motor movements were also kind of slow. I suffered a very bad case of repetitive behaviour patterns (had to straighten objects that weren't linear, close doors that were half-open, touch an object many times over till something felt right. Weird, huh?
However, the real paradox of all of this is that if I am genuinely autistic and defective, how come I have so many pluses that make up for the minuses? Whereas I am pretty hopeless at understanding social "hidden", "non apparent" language, my logic skills are pretty good, I think. Due to the isolated nature of having AS, I lack the usual herd mentality of many N.Ts.
Anyway, anyone who understands my thoughts on this, please, share. I mean, do you consider 80 per cent of your problems and stress is due to the pressure placed on you by society to fit in with "normal" people? And do you see actual autistic triats in yourself and, if so, what are they?
First, let's recap on the meaning of autism = selfism. Many people on this forum are believed to be on the autistic spectrum. The conception originally behind the term "autism" is that people with HFA or Aspergers are "defective". Our tendency to withdraw from society, together with our awkward social skills, apparent poor, initial performance in class (HFA) and our mood swings has led psychologists to conclude we suffer from autism. Going against this is a more recent tendency to conclude that, in actual fact, people with Aspergers are not defective at all. Rather they are neurologically distinct. A few people have even proposed Aspergers is a genetic personality type.
O.K., here is where I start: I would say roughly that 80 per cent of my actual problems or autistic traits have to be viewed in a social context. I was considered slow and autistic because of my difficulty relating to other people. I was aware of this reality from possibly the age of 3!. As a direct consequence, difficulties relating to others created an ever wider void which creates a kind of vicious circle. The more you withdraw, the more you become "different", "independently minded", socially off-balance. This then creates a massive pressure on the individual. Little wonder depression follows. For example, many neurotypicals who go abroad to work in places like Japan or Korea sometimes suffer major depression as the sense of social isolation throws them off balance, they feel disconnected, insignificant and strange. For aspies, it is like that but much worse.
The problem I do have is with those other Asperger traits that seemingly aren't to be viewed in a social context. In my case, this is sensitivity to noise. I get angry when cars pass me on a quiet road and I'm deep in thought. Some clothes seem to itch. Also, when things don't go my way and my sense of order is disturbed, I can suffer rage. I would be the first to admit such anger isn't normal. To add to the list, failure disturbs or even depresses me and I often blow things out of proportion. Needless to say, my way of thinking is if I lived on a desert island I think maybe I'd be happier but I would still have those other abnormal symptoms which have no social link or connection (not triggered by other people).
Soooo, this is really a hard thing to get to grips with. I ask myself the question, am I actually autistic? Am I "defective". Do I view myself as a neurologically diverse person or as someone who "suffers" from autism?
Something that came to mind suddenly the other day was a recollection of how I used to be so quiet during childhood. Evidently I used to stare out of a window with my thoughts miles away from reality, not wanting to connect with the world or acknowledge it. My family sensed something was wrong and took me to see a doctor who ran blood tests because my motor movements were also kind of slow. I suffered a very bad case of repetitive behaviour patterns (had to straighten objects that weren't linear, close doors that were half-open, touch an object many times over till something felt right. Weird, huh?
However, the real paradox of all of this is that if I am genuinely autistic and defective, how come I have so many pluses that make up for the minuses? Whereas I am pretty hopeless at understanding social "hidden", "non apparent" language, my logic skills are pretty good, I think. Due to the isolated nature of having AS, I lack the usual herd mentality of many N.Ts.
Anyway, anyone who understands my thoughts on this, please, share. I mean, do you consider 80 per cent of your problems and stress is due to the pressure placed on you by society to fit in with "normal" people? And do you see actual autistic triats in yourself and, if so, what are they?
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