Asperger's + General Anxiety = ?

[Roxy2348]

So, I reached a turning point in my social life last night that I feel was my cue to seek therapy. My boyfriend rudely called me a "f***ing robot that only shows emotion when I want affection." It really confused me and hurt me. I've always had trouble with communication, it's ended most of my relationships because I don't understand what they want. I always searched the Internet for tips to be the person that people want. I also tried to find logical ways to cope with anxiety. I think it may have worked too well.

I now take my emotions out of any oncoming conflicts that I see could trigger anxiety. I do it because the best way to handle situations is with logic, not emotion. I've always been one to follow guidelines, because without them there would be disorder and chaos. I think this is why I was bullied and had no friends until I got to high school. That is when I became submissive and reclusive.

Friends used to be important to me, but now I feel like they just get in the way of what I want. I like to be left alone because then I'm not forced to be friendly and make small talk. I like to be left in my thoughts most of the time. My mind is constantly racing, all day long. If I want a distraction, I'll listen to music or watch cartoons. I choose cartoons because they are more carefree and creative rather than full of drama. I get overstimulated by crowds or too much conversation because I always try to watch them and make sure everything is as it should be.

Hello! My name is Roxy. Please tell me I'm not alone.

 

[Blade_Runner]

You are not alone! Hello and pleased to meet you I'm glad you found this site because the people here are very friendly and helpful. I can find conversations and interactions in general to be super tiring and frustrating so I understand what you're going through and have experienced. If you want to chat about an area that's troubling you especially don't hesitate to start/offer something on the forum or PM me. Always here to help and support.

Katie

 

[Judge]

Welcome Roxy. No, you are not alone- especially when here. A place where it's likely most if not all with AS will understand EXACTLY what you are saying, while so many Neurotypicals may simply not have a clue.

 

[Ereth]

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry your boyfriend said something so hurtful. Does he know about your Asperger's? If not, you two should sit down and have a talk about why you feel you need to approach conversations with more logic than emotion. If he does, talk anyway. I obviously don't know your history, but it sounds like he might be a bit frustrated because he doesn't understand (but not for lack of trying, I'm sure).

You don't have to "be the person that people want." It's true that most social interactions require some kind of flexibility to work well, but you shouldn't feel that you have to bury your true self in order to make a relationship succeed. Nobody should, AS or no. The other person in the relationship should want to be with you because you're you and not because you're fulfilling some kind of ideal.

There's no real need to force yourself to make many friends, either---everyone has different needs. But I think a few wouldn't hurt. You definitely have people in your corner here!

I do hope you get some kind of counseling, because a therapist will help you find a balance between your desire for perfect order and what you perceive to be emotional chaos. Navigating life usually involves a mix of both, at least in my opinion.

Welcome, and best wishes.