Asperger's or just social anxiety?

[anpuca]

I'm new and was wondering if any of you who have been diagnosed with Asperger's would agree that the things I describe indicate that I too may have it? Or is it more likely to just be social anxiety?

(Sorry, this is going to be very long by the way)

Firstly, I am female and 17. Nothing from childhood would really be indicative of an autistic spectrum disorder- there was no language delay, no avoidance of eye contact, no marked trouble socialising- I was simply shy and academic. (OCD and general obsessive tendancies, eg. a fixation with 'good' and 'bad' numbers and words started at around 11). After primary school, my ability to communicate in social settings started to decrease and has been worsening ever since. I've become quite withdrawn and prefer to be alone most of the time- I always think I would like to have friends, but when I am around others, I tend to find it very uncomfortable and can find them irritating- I become increasingly tuned in to things like noise and the volume of their voices- it all seems too loud. I've read about unusual gait being a possible symptom of AS- it probably sounds silly but I don't move my arms when I walk- I don't notice it, it's just natural (and moving them seems strange to me), but it's something others comment on quite a bit.

I don't socialise- I haven't gone out with friends in about four years. There is a group I can sit with at school and I have normally have no trouble discussing things like homework with them, but anything else, and I tend to remain silent. When I do attempt to speak, it requires a great deal of effort and planning and generally they don't hear me anyway- I can't seem to speak loud enough to anyone outside of my immediate family. The communication difficulties are particularly noticable at work (I work in a clothes shop) and I'm pretty sure most of the people there think I'm either very rude or very strange- I can't seem to talk to the others who work there and the physical 'symptoms' are quite apparent- eg. stiff posture, making strange hand movements when uncomfortable and particular hand movements when stressed/frustrated, repetitive behaviour, stuttering. It's a lot easier with total strangers- I can communicate relatively normally in formal settings with strangers (eg. job interview) and with customers unless I'm being watched or something, however, I come across a lot younger than I am and am nearly always spoken to like a child which can get irritating. The strange part is, I am very aware at the time that I am coming across in a child-like way, I just don't know how to change it.

However, I have read a lot about things like lack of empathy and inability to understand sarcasm being symptoms of AS- I don't exhibit these characteristics at all- if anything, I am more tuned in to others' feelings and motives than other people- it's something I pick up almost automatically- being silent most of the time has allowed me to become very observant. I can empathise with others easily and care a lot for them but just can't express this in any way and therefore come across as cold and emotionless. I tend to become obsessed with certain characters in programmes/books, or certain people (inc. celebrities) for a period of time and want to find out everything I can about them- not in a stalkerish-way, just acquiring a large amount of facts with no intention of ever putting them to use. Other strongly obsessive tendancies come and go periodically, eg. exercise, weight loss etc. though I'm not sure if that's at all relevant.

Basically, I can mentally connect with others but physically, it's just a no-go zone. For the past year or two, things like eye contact and verbal communication are generally avoided when possible except with family members. I spend most of my time fantasising over silly things like conversations I would have with people, or conversations they would have with each other- my imagination seems to have strengthened since childhood! Things like speaking in groups or reading aloud are difficult- I tend to get shaky and sound barely literate and resort to self-harming out of frustration/an attempt at distraction whilst being asked to read in class. Though, in my second language, I don't mind speaking in public, which is leading me to stray away from the social anxiety idea.

Another thing that's makes me think it's not as simple as an anxiety disorder is the way that the communication difficulties even occur in regular relatively formal settings that wouldn't normally be perceived as 'social', namely driving lessons, which are proving to be a bit of a nightmare- I've been taking them for a few months and have made barely any progress in a several weeks because I can't seem to follow/retain simple verbal instructions and have a poor sense of direction combined with a fear of expressing this to the instructor which I can't quite explain. I don't like to question authority and as a result, tend to make a fool of myself. For example (this is going to sound stupid) but in a recent lesson, the instructor said something along the lines of "when we go round the next bend, i want you to go straight ahead at the lights"- the lights were red, and of course I noticed it and was thinking "???? why would we do that?" but presumed there must be a reason if he said it and so, whilst confused, I attempted to do that until he grabbed the wheel and braked heavily and explained :unsure: I'm probably driving him up the walls at this stage with my apparent lack of any form of competence when it comes to driving. I get nervous and can't seem to speak, even to apologise to him for it. Also, I must appear very rude as when he tries to talk to me, I get distracted, even if it's only a sentence and (unintentionally) swerve so I tend to give limited responses or squeaks or whatever other low amplitude sounds happen to come out.

Another connection with the list of female traits is depression, not so much on an every-day level- more accurately, 'bouts' of quite intense depression seem to come out of nowhere and take effect very quickly approximately every five weeks or so, lasting only a few hours but being very over-powering and leading to self-harming out of frustration at the time, as well as worrying my family which is something I hate doing.

I have quite distinct interests and spend a lot of time reading, walking and drawing, and do very well academically, particularly with languages and english, however the asperger's stereotype seems to indicate an inclination towards maths/physics! (which I definitely don't possess). I do have an interest in science and read a lot about psychology. The scientific ability comes less naturally- I read on the 'list of female asperger's traits' that difficulty remembering verbal instruction is quite common and that's something that is currently causing me to do badly in one of my school subjects- all the material is taught verbally and I need to write things out to remember anything- I do have a supposedly unusual ability to remember large chunks of written material though if that's at all relevant.

Overall really, the communication difficulty is the main issue and the main reason I'm wondering if I may have Asperger's, even though it's something that only started to become properly noticable at around age 12. I am very interested in people and it is highly frustrating to feel so disconnected at school/work to the extent that I avoid almost all social contact outside of those places. If anyone had any thoughts, that would be great. Even if you think I definitely don't have AS, that would be helpful too, and sorry for rambling for so long!

Thankyou for reading and any replies would be much appreciated

 

[chinaberry]

A lot of what you said does sound Aspie, but in order to warrant a diagnosis, Aspie behaviour would have to have been prevalent since a younger age. The person you're referred to would want to talk to your parents and if they confirm that you were a perfectly normal 7 year old then they'll just think you're being a bit awkward and teenagery, which isn't fair, but there you go.

And btw- more Aspies than you think are just average at Maths.

 

[krisi]

Hi anpuca! Welcome!

Alrighty, I'm not going to give you a one-way yes-or-no answer, because well, frankly, I'm not qualified to give an answer, and autism spectrum disorders are quite complex.

Firstly, having "just" social anxiety can be quite debilitating. It's not necessarily better or worse than an Asperger syndrome diagnosis. If your symptoms, no matter what you are diagnosed with are interfering with your life, it's a good idea to seek help. That can be help from a parent, help from a friend, or help from a professional. Friends may or may not be very helpful in being responsive or understanding what you are going through, and sometimes, it's even harder to tell them what you're experiencing than it is to tell someone like a counselor. It all depends upon what you're most comfortable with.

With Asperger syndrome, symptoms can be subtle. Language development is often rather precocious, and this may be what parents think about when they reflect on their child's behavior. "Shy" and "academic" are two words that may be used to describe someone with Asperger's, but they can certainly refer to a neurotypical child/teenager/adult as well. Asperger's doesn't tend to be diagnosed until later because the early symptoms are so often overlooked. "My child won't wear clothes with elastic in the wrists" "Oh, she just has sensitive skin." "My child rocks when he's upset." "He's just self-soothing, he'll grow out of it." When there's not an overt language deficit and behavioral differences are subtle, the diagnoses are difficult to make at an early age. Kids with Aspergers often make friends, but friendships are not what would be expected for their age. Often times proximity is confused with friendship--possibly as you have described with your friends. What I'm saying is, certain traits don't always arise or seem abnormal until later.

Some of the communication behaviors you have mentioned seem like they're really concerning you. You should know that some level of dysfluency (i.e., stuttering) is normal, particularly when you're under pressure.

Looking at empathy, you actually remind me very much of myself. I am very good at reading people; my difficulties lie in forming an appropriate response. Does that sound like what you experience?

You also mentioned some things that are of concern (and actually other things that I do/have done, so don't feel ashamed). Experiencing anxiety in a situation and using self-harming behavior (perhaps in attempt to make yourself feel better? I do this sometimes, too), like, say, scratching or hitting your head, and occasional "bouts of depression" which are very intense and last several hours (but not days/weeks suggests some emotional dysregulation--a common trait of autism spectrum disorders that is frequently overlooked. It is also consistent with other diagnoses, too. Difficulty with auditory comprehension is also a concern--have you always had trouble following directions? Have you ever been seen by a Speech-Language Pathologist? Difficulty with auditory comprehension often co-occurs with autism spectrum disorders. Even in neurotypicals, one modality (visual/auditory-verbal/kinesthetic) is stronger than the others, but with autism spectrum disorders, learning disabilities, and other diagnoses, the other modalities may be significantly weaker than the others, leading to difficulty with certain tasks.

Interest-wise, it's not so much WHAT your interests are, but how INTENSE your interests are that make it a trait of an autism spectrum disorder (unless the interest is so abnormal that the interest itself can be a trait--like interests in opening and closing DVD players or drawers). Not being inclined towards math and physics certainly does not mean you don't have AS.

I have a lot to say on the subject of diagnoses, and I've already written a lot, so I'll try to keep this brief. Diagnoses are subjective. What one person might diagnose as a social anxiety, another might diagnose as Asperger syndrome. As long as what is causing problems in your life is being treated, that is what matters. Someone who has Asperger's with anxiety issues will probably receive the same types of medication as someone with a social anxiety. They may respond to the same/similar counseling treatments. Essentially, the diagnoses is less important than the treatment, and you CAN receive effective treatment without a correct diagnosis (in the psychological realm. This is far less true when dealing with most medication and/or physiological treatments. Removing the appendix of a person with a stomach ulcer will not help them.) .

I hope this is helpful--I know I didn't address anything, but if you have any questions, please ask. Sorry for the lengthy response.

 

[Hannah_Aspergic]

About the child thing, that people are talking to you like you're a child.
Well, I sometimes behave and feel like I'm four years old. It's quite scary to me because I feel like I have two personalities.
Oh, and yes, I am diagnosed with high functional apsergers or what it's called in english.
I can catch myself talking very "primitive" and very childlike and simple to my mom. Like "mom, look at the lady with the weird hat" and then saying it in a childish way.
What I'm afraid of is that my four year old side will show when I'm at school.