Asperger's traits without the Asperger's???

[chuinnim]

Hi everyone. Happy I found this forum. I'm a 47-year-old male software developer in the United States. I've just in the last few months started wondering if I have a higher-than-typical number of traits in common with people with Asperger's. Based on the bit of research I've done, I do not believe I actually have Asperger's though. I'm curious if there are any designations for something even more mild than Asperger's. This is only a curiosity btw. I feel my "quirks" do not interfere with my daily productive functioning or life. Some of my "quirks" are:
* Fixating on interests intensely for periods of time often to the exclusion of nearly all else (days, weeks, months). Interests tend to revolve around: science, technology, music (playing & composing), languages (primarily Korean, French & Japanese).
* Sensitivity to certain kinds of touch. I HATE the idea of a massage of any kind.
* I catch myself shifting my weight to the sides and front toes of my feet while walking/standing to reduce how much contact they make with floor and to minimize my "impact" while walking. I like the idea of less disturbance (literally a 'minimal footprint').
* American English is my native language but I've had numerous foreigners assume I was from somewhere else not because I have an accent (I do not) but because of how slowly and clearly I tend to pronounce my words - apparently. I also once had an American native speaker, someone in Mensa, assume quite confidently that English was not my native language too. I mention his being in Mensa to imply perhaps he was (or thought he was) more perceptive than most (in this case, perhaps he was, even though he was wrong LOL). Incidentally, I teach a popular online course with thousands of students comprised of around 80% non-native English speakers who constantly comment on how great my English is because it's so clear. I tend to think I sound "slow" (of mind).
* It's not the end of the world if my routines are disturbed, but my day will feel VERY "off" when it happens and I plan ahead to prevent such things as much as I can.
* I'm slower than most at certain tasks such as washing my hands because I'm compelled to be thorough particularly in drying. I dry each and every finger individually. I want no trace of water remaining. I'm somewhat slow at washing dishes but I think if I can't get them clean, no one can.
* I avoid performing certain bodily functions in restrooms outside of my home as much as humanly possible. I literally go years at a time without doing THAT function in public restrooms. In fact, even in my own home, I go years without doing that function in any bathroom other than my own master bathroom. My default mode is to have psychological discomfort with the idea of doing that in unfamiliar territory. I remember "messing" myself as a young boy rather than relieve myself in a friend or relative's bathroom.
* Within my household, I'm the most sensitive to sound and smell. I detect and/or am bothered by things that no one else complains of (or perhaps detects).
* Though I'm sensitive to sound, I'm also easily startled if someone walks into a room I'm in a little too quietly. This only happens while I'm watching TV. I think I'm used to usually detecting people before they get that close. So when they get past my normal defenses, that REALLY startles me.
* I talk WAY too much when allowed to. Also, in addition to over-enunciating in my speech, I also tend to over-explain (apparently super useful trait for teaching). I'm probably doing it now. Sorry.
* I'm SUPER uncomfortable expressing intimate feelings/emotions but I've always assumed this was entirely due to upbringing. I was raised by a single mom (until age 14) and she and her family were not touchy-feely and never say "I love you" (yuck - I don't even like typing it).
* I'm reasonably empathic from afar but have a harder time "up-close".
* Peer-pressure seems to have virtually zero effect on me. I hung around friends who drank, smoked and did pot and never felt the need to join in. It's a concept I understand only as an outside observer. As an adult, I do not drink any "adult beverages" including coffee.
* There are other quirks but you get the gist... these are probably the biggest ones

HOWEVER
* I'm very good in social settings (despite my total lack of imbibing) . I know how to keep a conversation going bi-directionally and make people feel welcome to talk (for the most part).
* I'm very good at reading people and their body language (my wife confirms I'm very good at this). I'm good at sizing a lot of people up pretty early in the relationship.
* I get jokes and make lots of them myself.
* I'm very self-aware.
* I've been told by several managers (in my roles of managing others (up to Director level) in corporations) that I have a high level of emotional intelligence.


I'm super good at hiding virtually all of my quirks. Even my wife of 24 years isn't aware of all of them or their extent. Though, from the ones she is aware of, she thinks I'm definitely on the spectrum. But her opinion is based more on popular knowledge rather than textbook definitions. So, I'm super curious if this combination of traits sounds familiar to anyone ? I'd just like to find "my people". Thanks if you made it this far .

 

[VictorR]

Hi and welcome!

As a fellow non-conformist who has never cared to try drugs or smoking, I salute you.

It sounds like you're definitely within the neurodiverse umbrella. Nothing like a detailed introduction (which I appreciate, but some people shy away from).

As for checking off most but not all of the checkboxes for Asperger's in DSM-IV, if I recall correctly, it was not unusual in such cases for a diagnosis of PDD-NOS to be given (and in DSM-5, anyone with the former PDD-NOS and Asperger's diagnoses have been "grandfathered" into the general "autism" diagnosis.)

I have known one autistic guy, who worked in sales, who was very good at reading people. I'm not sure if it was a natural ability, or if it was something they picked up over time.

For myself, it was only through taking a number of theater and communication courses that I started to understand satire and sarcasm, which for the longest time had been puzzling to me. I still misunderstand thing though, and am not particularly good at telling when someone is messing with me.

Anyways, perhaps one of our extroverted members might chime in on how their experiences are and how might they compare to yours.

 

[Crossbreed]

Hello & welcome.

I'm curious if there are any designations for something even more mild than Asperger's.

Informally, that is known as ASD0.5 (a.k.a. half-Aspergers...!

).

 

[Luca]

Welcome!

All of your “however” points sound like me too lol. I’m formally diagnosed with Aspergers but I have virtually NO impairment to my daily life and functioning from my autism traits. The thing that trips me up socially is my special interests. I have some mental health issues and medical issues that are a way bigger hindrance than my autism. But I’m still able to run a business and live independently.

I have had professionals try to tell me I’m not autistic but I don’t believe them because of how strong my special interests are.

I’m an extrovert (on the more extreme end of the extroversion spectrum, I think), and humor, sarcasm, idioms, body language, etc are all things that I use frequently and understand.
My voice and face are very expressive.

I guess I have had to learn that I’m kind of “privileged” in a way, since some autistic people find their autistic traits extremely distressing and wish they were not autistic. I’ve just accepted myself as “quirky,” like how you have, with no significant impact on functioning. But just be mindful that some autistic people have a totally different experience than this.

 

[Progster]

Did you also have these traits as a child? Were you good in social settings as a child? Some autistic people learn how to act in social situations, and even become quite good at it so you wouldn't know that they were autistic until you get to know them better.

 

[Rodafina]

I'm curious if there are any designations for something even more mild than Asperger's.

The simplicity of my answer is not meant to be rude, but here it is…

That’s why they call it a spectrum. I’m learning that the defining edges are pretty fuzzy.

I fall into the category of having comorbidities – I am currently working to parse out what are my autistic traits and what are my anxieties. The anxieties I want to fight and dispel, the autistic traits I want to embrace and utilize for the first time in my 41 years.

As a final thought, reading your post, it just really sounds like you would fit in well here.

 

[Nitro]

 

[SusanLR]

Welcome!

Everything you listed in your intro sounds to me like you are on the spectrum.
That is why it is called a spectrum.
Symptoms can be very mild and not really bothersome.
Others, such as I, may have the quirks you have and a lot more.

I think you will like the posts and diversity of replies here.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Have you taken any of the on-line adult autism tests? The Autism Quotient (AQ) Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ)
and the RAADS Ritvo Autism & Asperger Diagnostic Scale (RAADS-14)
Diagnostic Statistical Manual criteria for adult autism For Autistic Adults: Autism Information, Diagnosis, and Referrals

These are not diagnostic, per se, (only a professional can officially diagnose) but do a fair job of assessing where you might be with regards to the likelihood of an autism spectrum condition.

 

[Aspychata]

The first clue was you wrote a thesis paper describing your quirks. Then special interests are quite common.

Do you have any stims? I thought l just had nervous habits, like tapping my feet, slapping my body, picking at my clothes, chewing gum compulsively. I thought you mentioned you rock with your body back and forth. Do you look at people's eyes too long? Do you feel you mask to fit in? You sound a tab OCD also, which can be quite common for some of us. I just discovered that new label for myself. I am somewhat fussy about whose loo l do my doodoos in, (lol), but that just maybe OCD. Like fear of germs, fear in itself of a strange commode, l hate aggressive toilets that spray upwards that think they turned into bidet.

Welcome, great to have you here.

 

[Richelle-H]

Goodness me, I was only half way through your introduction and I was nodding my head and thinking at the very least you are HFA. I have and official diagnosis of Asperger's but you would have to spend a great deal of time with me to have any clue. I was always a bit odd to people when I was growing up, but I managed to find my way into a decent career as; first a hardware engineer and then moving over to software/firmware (it paid more and did not require the same level of work ethic ).

Now, at my age, I read people much better than I did in my youth. I do quite well on those tests where you need to identify an emotion just from a picture of a person's face. I also no longer have problems with eye contact. I have also been mistaken for someone not born in the U.S. as well. Mainly because of my use of words.

I would also note that you have some physical quirks that I do not, but I share your discomfort with using public restrooms, reluctantly using them when I must. I have very mild stims, mostly bouncing a knee from time to time and it does not seem to be a stress related reaction, just something I find myself doing when I am bored. I talk too much, share too much, and can ramble on and on on many different subjects if given half a chance.

Anyway, welcome to the forum. Stick around and explore, you may find you have more in common with those here than you might think.

 

[Suzanne]

Too many traits to NOT be on the spectrum.

Being on the spectrum means that, so we all have different talents and difficulties. But, if one ticks most boxes, so to speak, then yep they would be considered to be on the spectrum.

I was in limbo land, because on one hand, I had many traits, but the more prominent ones, I do not ie I am a very expressive person and certainly do not have a montoned voice. I stare sometimes, but more often do not and I do not always repeat words. But, was diagnosed with grade 2 leaning towards grade 3 for ASD.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

There is no boundary, closest analogy, I can think of is a black hole event horizon Can a black hole be perfectly round, not really or pi needs to have an absolute length.

 

[Tom]

From the perspective of current theories concerning genetic variations/mutations (about 100 so far identified with more likely to be found) that are associated with autism you might have enough to come close but not present outright symptoms.

Two of the markers I informally see as very strong (with inevitable exceptions) with autists are being adverse to social situations and anxiety. I didn't get the feeling you had either of those. But the intense interests, monologing, even tip toeing are possible signs.

I personnally believe ASD and NT are not totally disconnected. I think just about everyone may have at least a few of the genetic variants common to autistics. I think there is a grey area where one merges with the other. In other words both ASD and NT are on the same broad genetic spectrum.

Sometimes it must also simply be a personality choice. A similarity in a NT preference to what a ASD person does (via genetic nudgeing)

 

[Nervous Rex]

Welcome, @chuinnim!

It's possible you're on the spectrum. And it's possible you're not. The official diagnosis criteria is just a line in the sand that doctors have arbitrarily drawn to say "This is autism. That is not." A person can have one or more autistic traits and not officially "cross the line".

If you want a formal diagnosis, you'll have to see a professional. But if you just want to talk about experiences, issues, coping strategies, interests, etc., then you're always welcome here.

 

[Nervous Rex]

I'm a 47-year-old male software developer in the United States.

This is super familiar. I am a male, software developer in the US and was diagnosed almost 5 years ago at age 48.

Peer-pressure seems to have virtually zero effect on me.

That's a super power!

HOWEVER
* I'm very good in social settings (despite my total lack of imbibing) . I know how to keep a conversation going bi-directionally and make people feel welcome to talk (for the most part).
* I'm very good at reading people and their body language (my wife confirms I'm very good at this). I'm good at sizing a lot of people up pretty early in the relationship.
* I get jokes and make lots of them myself.
* I'm very self-aware.
* I've been told by several managers (in my roles of managing others (up to Director level) in corporations) that I have a high level of emotional intelligence.

I used to think I couldn't be autistic because I am good at communication and I didn't fit with the stereotypes of autism that I saw in the media. But everyone is different. You won't find any two autistic people with exactly the same personality, strengths, and weaknesses. Several people wiser than me - and who have been on this forum longer than I have - frequently remind me that "if you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism."

 

[Matthias]

So, I'm super curious if this combination of traits sounds familiar to anyone?

Welcome!

Around 1 in 7 people have autistic traits but only around 1 in 50 have autistic traits severe enough to qualify for a diagnosis of autism/Asperger's which requires that autistic traits cause "clinically significant impairments" in the subjective opinion of the psychologists evaluating you. Less severe autistic traits can be diagnosed as another condition but psychologists only label people they consider to have a disorder.

Three possible explanations I'm aware of that may explain the traits you mentioned are:

1. childhood emotional neglect
2. generalized anxiety disorder
3. obsessive-compulsive personality disorder

Based on what you wrote about your parents and being uncomfortable getting close to people, I think childhood emotional neglect is the most likely cause of the traits you described.

 

[chuinnim]

Hi and welcome!

As a fellow non-conformist who has never cared to try drugs or smoking, I salute you.

It sounds like you're definitely within the neurodiverse umbrella. Nothing like a detailed introduction (which I appreciate, but some people shy away from).

As for checking off most but not all of the checkboxes for Asperger's in DSM-IV, if I recall correctly, it was not unusual in such cases for a diagnosis of PDD-NOS to be given (and in DSM-5, anyone with the former PDD-NOS and Asperger's diagnoses have been "grandfathered" into the general "autism" diagnosis.)

I have known one autistic guy, who worked in sales, who was very good at reading people. I'm not sure if it was a natural ability, or if it was something they picked up over time.

For myself, it was only through taking a number of theater and communication courses that I started to understand satire and sarcasm, which for the longest time had been puzzling to me. I still misunderstand thing though, and am not particularly good at telling when someone is messing with me.

Anyways, perhaps one of our extroverted members might chime in on how their experiences are and how might they compare to yours.

Very interesting. Thank you for your insights.

Welcome!

All of your “however” points sound like me too lol. I’m formally diagnosed with Aspergers but I have virtually NO impairment to my daily life and functioning from my autism traits. The thing that trips me up socially is my special interests. I have some mental health issues and medical issues that are a way bigger hindrance than my autism. But I’m still able to run a business and live independently.

I have had professionals try to tell me I’m not autistic but I don’t believe them because of how strong my special interests are.

I’m an extrovert (on the more extreme end of the extroversion spectrum, I think), and humor, sarcasm, idioms, body language, etc are all things that I use frequently and understand.
My voice and face are very expressive.

I guess I have had to learn that I’m kind of “privileged” in a way, since some autistic people find their autistic traits extremely distressing and wish they were not autistic. I’ve just accepted myself as “quirky,” like how you have, with no significant impact on functioning. But just be mindful that some autistic people have a totally different experience than this.

Wow. I'm really glad I posted here. I'm happy to learn more about the amount of diversity that can exist within "the spectrum".

 

[chuinnim]

Did you also have these traits as a child? Were you good in social settings as a child? Some autistic people learn how to act in social situations, and even become quite good at it so you wouldn't know that they were autistic until you get to know them better.

Yes, I had all these traits as a child and was a bit worse. I certainly did learn that I want to be well liked and therefore I should not be brutally honest with most people and also I genuinely don't want to hurt people's feelings. I was overly-honest, extremely talkative ignoring or not pickup up on cues to stop, considered very particular about a lot of things that I thought were normal (foods should not touch on a plate, etc.) I've learned to hide/suppress most/all of these traits to most people.