Aspie coworker and boyfriend

[Yadu7a2022]

Hi all, I started a job and met a coworker who asked me out on the first month of the job, I resisted at the beginning, but he was charming so we started dating, on the second date he told me he is aspie and I knew what it means so I was understanding
he started asking for time and space but it was extreme, I didn’t mind! except when I started noticing how he doesn’t need the time or the space with anyone in the office! it’s just me
we break up almost every two weeks, it’s always because the time that he needs, I can see he can laugh and joke with people in the office, but when it comes to me, he is always saying I don’t understand your jokes,
when we break up, he always comes back and asks me to give him time, when I confront him with these conflicting acts, he gets furious and accuses me of doubting his intentions and keeps repeating he has to put effort into dealing with the world
my question is: if he can put effort, why am I not taking priority? if he cares about me, why am I not the person enjoying the ‘normal’ behaviour?
we have great sex, around once a month, and he is very caring, but he doesn’t like doing anything else
he cares about my personal development at work and teaches me a lot, but there are rules of not communicating during weekends or evenings, no texting while he takimg holidays!!! whenever he’s back from holidays he doesn’t want to talk or make eyes contact with me, but still does all that with everyone in the office, and when I try to ask why or what happens, he gets really furious and accuses me of being selfish, and we break up, only to come back together again when he wants to connect
he is very moody, one day loads of texts about how much he loves me, the next day he can get very abusive while texting, the easiest get away for him is: this is tiring, this is not working, I don’t want you

is he telling the truth? is he really struggling or just pulling the aspie card to get what he wants with no cimmitments? is this the way he loves? I do love him so what should I do? should I just give up or keep putting up with the mood swings and the solo life I’m leading while he needs time?

 

[Isadoorian]

It's obvious he's Emotionally Manipulating you; I say forget him. There's better people out there than someone like him who screw with peoples feelings like that.

 

[Yadu7a2022]

so it’s not a struggle then! I thought aspies can’t lie or manipulate! is he even aspie?!

 

[Isadoorian]

so it’s not a struggle then! I thought aspies can’t lie or manipulate! is he even aspie?!

"Aspies can't lie or manipulate" is a myth, they're capable of both like any other person, though some of course will not have any success doing so because that's not a strong suit of theirs

We can't figure out if he's on the Spectrum for you, you'd have to have him provide admissible proof, like Results from a legitimate Medical Professional.

 

[Bolletje]

Aspies can lie, and they can manipulate. However, you shouldn’t ask yourself whether this guy is an Aspie or not, but rather ask yourself if you want to be treated the way he is treating you. I think the answer is a resounding “no”. Cut your losses and move on, rather than looking for an explanation in labels.

 

[LearnedCoward]

I have only been here a month or two and am already finding these posts tiresome.

I can't diagnose someone from a block of text in a forum post.

I also can't form a generalization about what someone is like based on the information that they are either an Aspie or an undiagnosed Aspie or someone who has Aspie traits. I have met thousands of autistic people in my life, no exaggeration. They are all very different people from each other, easily as different as neurotypicals are from each other.

If you are interested in learning more about autistic people, please stick around and browse our forum, and talk to us. Otherwise, hit-and-run "I'm in a bad relationship with someone who seems vaguely Aspie, now fix this" posts are a dime a dozen around here.