Aspie Parents?

[HyperCube]

So, I've been curious: most resources out there about Asperger's have been for parents raising Aspie kids, and sometimes for Aspies themselves. But what about kids who grew up with Aspie parents or families?

Since I've been diagnosed, I tend to notice traits that my parents have that fit descriptions of common Aspie traits. For example, my dad tends to have special interests, including (but not limited to) cryptography, books, rock climbing, Star Trek, India, and motorcycles. Once he gets interested in something, he can't be stopped. He reads all the books he can find, collects equipment, and talks almost exclusively about it. My mom is also sensitive to some things like the feeling of paper rubbing against paper, and must have everything follow an exact schedule. We're all a little eccentric, quiet and introverted, and honestly don't really "fit in".

It is great that we have this in common, since it's meant I've been able to be myself a little more around them, and have learned from their experiences, which could be why I'm relatively high-functioning. And my parents are pretty awesome just in general. But how do I learn to find a place for myself socially if the only people I've known well don't have the answers either? How do I know what's normal and what's not? It's one thing to be a teenager/college student living with their parents, another to be an Aspie teenager/college student living with their parents, and something entirely different to have a house with three Aspies all trying to figure out one another *and* figure out how to succeed in a "normal" world? I mean, what if it's that not only does one person not pick up on unspoken signals, but the other person doesn't either, and neither of them knows there's nothing to pick up on? It's confusing even without the parent/teenager dynamic!

So what I'm wondering is: Is this an exception, or relatively common? Has anyone else had similar experiences with Aspie parents, siblings, or other family? And if so, can you offer any advice?

Thank you for reading! (Sorry for such a long post...)

 

[Droopy]

I think my parents have some traits of Aspergers but I wouldn't go as far as to place them on the spectrum. I'm not aware of any family members on the spectrum but I recently found out that there was someone on my mums biological side (she was adopted) that had a learning disability. Whether it was Aspergers or not remains unknown to us. I do also have an uncle on my dads side that is a bit... weird/goofy, doesn't have a partner, is a whizz with computers, fussy with food and is generally alone. However, again, I wouldn't really place him on the spectrum either. So to summarize, I can see various traits and likeness in the family but nothing concrete as of yet.

I know we have some members at Aspies Central with family and siblings on the spectrum so maybe if one of them sees this thread then they could offer advice.

 

[fergusonh]

Yes! After having two Aspies and learning more and more about I think that my mother is an Aspie. She is socially ackward and has never really "fit in". Has to have things a certain way no matter if they are just plain crazy and don't apply to the situation or not. She has never understood why people don't see things the way she does. She has other symptoms too but I have NEVER understood the way her mind works. But now I think I know why.

 

[blur]

Can i say that you are bless to be born in such a family? It will be very distressing if you are the only odd one.
My family is in similar situation as yours. You are right!We are trying to figure out 'how' to be normal daily. My spouse and son is very special and so m i. Can be very frustrating trying to figure out one another but i m sure that you will be able to work out a formula by now. Different HFA function differently. Some can procrastinate forever and some cant. Well, i just try to blend in and complement with my spouse. He is a tacky issue. He expects me to read his mind like a book. I.e. he will tell me he left some documents in the house. But he wont tell me which part of the house. If i do ask, it will upset him greatly. Very taxing to live with a HFA. But again, i m one too so he is probably feeling the strain too without expressing it.

Having an HFA as a mother probably means that she can tolerate her HFA child. It can be very distressing to raise a HFA kid. Because they behave differently and have very different needs.

If your mother is very structure, she is probably a very detail person. So she is probably racking her brains on how to care for her HFA kids possibly every seconds. A very structure and detail person would goes to indicate that she is probably a perfectionist. A perfectionist usually drive themself very hard. A HFA who is a perfectionist in life will be striving for excellence all the time. It is instrinsic. Your parents probably have alot of answers in their head already but they just cannot accept it. So if you need help, better ask them for answers. Even if they may not be able to act on it, they probably have it in theory. With their theory, you use your IQ, observe nts and come out your own formula to blend into their society.

Their IQ can acquire and capture alot of normal behavior even if they dont act towards it. Especially at home. Oh well, we are suppose to be most relax at home. Be ourself.

NTS are also very confuse among themself. Alot of them dont even know what they are doing half of the time. So we just learn (pretend) to blend into their circle, dont have to accept or believe in what they do or think.
In my opinion, majority of the nts have nonsensical beliefs, values and etc...
We just take charge of our life, dont hurt ourself or anyone physically. Lead a constructive life and move on.
In my own world, many NTS are also abnormal.
Many of them are so greedy, selfish, pretentious, jealous bunch. As much as i would like to pick up something from nts,
What is there for you to learn? Only learn the positive and constructive things!
Oh well, they are skilled in bullshitting (PR/ public relation and marketing).
Maybe you can learn the art of PR and marketing from them if not you wouldnt be able to blend into their stage!

So, I've been curious: most resources out there about Asperger's have been for parents raising Aspie kids, and sometimes for Aspies themselves. But what about kids who grew up with Aspie parents or family
Since I've been diagnosed, I tend to notice traits that my parents have that fit descriptions of common Aspie traits. For example, my edad tends to have special interests, including (but not limited to) cryptography, books, rock climbing, Star Trek, India, and motorcycles. Once he gets interested in something, he can't be stopped. He reads all the books he can find, collects equipment, and talks almost exclusively about it. My mom is also sensitive to some things like the feeling of paper rubbing against paper, and must have everything follow an exact schedule. We're all a little eccentric, quiet and introverted, and honestly don't really "fit in".

It is great that we have this in common, since it's meant I've been able to be myself a little more around them, and have learned from their experiences, which could be why I'm relatively high-functioning. And my parents are pretty awesome just in general. But how do I learn to find a place for myself socially if the only people I've known well don't have the answers either? How do I know what's normal and what's not? It's one thing to be a teenager/college student living with their parents, another to be an Aspie teenager/college student living with their parents, and something entirely different to have a house with three Aspies all trying to figure out one another *and* figure out how to succeed in a "normal" world? I mean, what if it's that not only does one person not pick up on unspoken signals, but the other person doesn't either, and neither of them knows there's nothing to pick up on? It's confusing even without the parent/teenager dynamic!

So what I'm wondering is: Is this an exception, or relatively common? Has anyone else had similar experiences with Aspie parents, siblings, or other family? And if so, can you offer any advice?

Thank you for reading! (Sorry for such a long post...)

 

[Kelly]

Since learning about Asperger's I've come to the conclusion my dad is an aspie too, it sure explains alot about him.

His obsession is computers and he's turned that into a trade, he builds / repairs computers, my dad's other special interest is making things in general, he's very good with his hands and again that has given him a trade, he's a general handyman(his main job the computers is a side business) but he does allsorts fits bathrooms/kitchens, decorates, makes furniture, does a bit of plumbing etc.

Little things I've noticed about him such as like me he can't handle social situations so whenever there is one with the family my dad and I tend to be hiding in the kitchen talking about computers / technology. His most obvious stim is humming this very specific tune, he does it when walking, when bored, when feeling awkward.

The downside is that he's not very affectionate at all, neither of my parents are, well that's good and bad, I don't like hugs but as a child I wanted them and never got them. My parents showed their 'love' with presents, so rather then hugging and saying they loved me they gave me mountains of toys, whatever I wanted I got.

Some other plus points to my dad being an aspie is that some of his obsessions were mine too so we used to have alot of fun that way. He used to love memory training...well for a few months anyway and I became obsessed too so we'd sit and read lists of words and then repeat them back to each other.

It also meant I didn't feel as bad about being so different as maybe I might have because my dad (and mum) always really drilled it into me that it didn't matter if I was different, that it was a good thing. So I grew up accepting that I was different but that it didn't matter, probably why it took me so long to go for a diagnosis I always knew I was a little weird/different but I didn't even consider it was an actual condition/disorder/whatever until I read about asperger's.

Also being an aspie mum to a (suspected) aspie kid means I understand my daughter alot more, I know why she reacts to certain things in certain ways and I can also forsee problems. Example her birthday party - my husband suggested just going to the build a bear workshop for her party but i knew from a previous trip when it was busy that that was a bad idea. If it's busy it means it will be hot, noisy, crowded and that will set both me and her off, we need a nice quiet environment where we are in control of what happens and there's no rushing or too much noise, we have control over everything and can change things as needed. Or when she's laying on her bed not speaking / not moving OR crying hysterically I can 99% of the time figure out the trigger and either remove the problem or talk it out with her.