Hi Sixstringkate,
You really do have your hands full! I'm an Aspie myself & a married mom of 2 adult children. I also have a degree in Early Childhood & Elementary Education. 2 1/2 is extremely young for an Asperger's diagnosis. According to the DSM, it cannot be reliably diagnosed in a children under the age of 11. .
I respectfully disagree here. Having experienced eight children over 22 years and 4 of them on the spectrum, I can assure you I could tell something was amiss quite early in these children. I may not have gotten an official diagnosis but the processing in them is very different.
Let me say here as well...that if your child is experiencing Aspergers traits at this early of an age I would seriously consider abstaining from any further vaccines. You CAN help recover these children greatly through diet and supplementation. I have done it and am currently doing it. I also have an Aspie husband of nearly 26 years. Our children are age 2 to 22; 3 boys and 5 girls. The Aspies are all three boys and one of the girls. Aspie males are very likely to have Aspie sons.
Our first was incredibly bright much as this poster has stated she and her husband were as toddlers. But he also showed OCD behaviors that I didn't understand at the time. Looking back you could see clearly his processing of daily stimulae as abnormal. Behaviors that I have seen in my four Aspies as toddlers, who are now 22, 10, 5 and 2, were numerous. Sensory issues such as clothing tags, grass and sand on bare feet, the water in the bathtub at ANY temp and the texture of various types of foods were present in all of them. The non-Aspie kids had no such issues. They are now 19, 15, 11 and 7 and all girls.
Our understanding from many of the docs well versed in the spectrum, girls have a much higher percentage of body fat which helps them store the toxins from vaccines better than our sons, thereby protecting the very sensitive brain from the whole onslaught of the mercury, aluminum and various other toxins contained therein. This would explain the disproportionate number of males on the spectrum versus females.
Other behaviors that are now red-flags that I share with young parents (I counsel parents on diet and nutrition for these children) is preoccupation with one toy, book, show or household object. One mother had a little 18 month old that would sit and look at the tires on the car and spin the bike tires on the bikes of his older siblings. His preoccupation was with tires and round things that spun. He sat for VERY long periods of time and looked at them. This is NOT normal behavior in a toddler. Today he is 10 and classified as on the spectrum.
My one AS daughter showed abnormalities by 4 months of age. She is the 5th child. She had a shrill, high-pitched cry and started running fevers over 105. Not even the other three boys had done this. At 10 months she was exposed to red dye and could not stop crying for hours. She has the same reaction every time. Her stimming behavior was incessantly playing with or rubbing her navel. She did this so often the skin surrounding it was darkly colored and sometimes raw. By eighteen months she was covered in sores from skin picking. To this day she is covered in scars from this OCD behavior, though she has ceased. She is emotionless and her personality is very flat. She does not reach out for affection nor attention either. At 9 she is now coming to understand more things about herself and can actually verbalize them. Every child in our home is affirmed for the unique and special gifts and talents that the Creator has given them. And we have never had a problem with jealousy or comparison. Each child gets "alone time" where they are heard and affirmed. I have expressed to her that her wants and needs are important. I make her verbalize them daily. She is now able to come up and ask for hugs and affection and to say what she wants, though still timidly. She has made fantastic progress through diet and supplementation. She no longer exhibits stimming behaviors and is having a much more positive outlook on daily life. She used to be very subdued and negative much like Eyore from Winnie The Pooh. She still has no friends but plays much better with her siblings. Emotional outbursts are few and far between and only come when she has had an offending food. Her social skills are improving as well, now being able to greet adults looking at their faces without covering her mouth with her hands. Her obsessive worrying has also ceased. She is very literal in anything she hears and needs help understanding idioms and sarcasm. There is also no non-verbal reading either. She cannot distinguish when other children are put off by her. Her siblings will usually comment to her quietly when she is in a social situation and being "random". She very readily picks up on other Aspies and hits it off with them immediately. Their "frequencies match" and she can recognize it.
Many of these children also have a certain "look" in their eyes that is a dead giveaway that they are on the spectrum. I can pick them out everywhere. I see them at church and as time goes on and they grow it becomes obvious to everyone else that they are AS. The children 12 and under who have had 36 vaccines now by age 4 are the most damaged that I have seen to date. It is these parents that need the most hope, as well. The dark circles around their eyes are from gut dysbiosis and are very often the most reliable clues something is wrong. There will also be a red ring around their anus.
This young mother has not mentioned once that she expects her child not to succeed. And I would also submit that my 22 year old son has done well. I homeschooled him through highschool and he completed that by 14. He went on to our local university for a semester and found it a joke. He scored in the top 3% in the nation on standardized test and could have written his ticket to any college in the country. He knows five languages and entered military service at 17 with the goal of becoming an Army ranger. His ASVAB was nearly perfect and he was given a straight shot in if he passed jump school. By 18 he had accomplished his goal. While in, he has been all over the world to more than 50 countries all on his own time. He has now finished his commitment just this week and is headed to South America for an employment opportunity. He speaks Spanish fluently. He assures me he will earn a degree in the near future. I'm not worried. He can do anything he sets his mind to. Yes, these children are quite capable given affirmation and loving, accepting parents. He knows he is loved and his family is everything to him.
Let me also say that I think these children thrive best in a home setting where they can learn at their own pace and follow their interests with loving affirmation and guidance. Very often they become bored in the schools and problem behavior ensues. Without positive guidance and exposure to worthwhile interests they can become derailed onto tracks that are not beneficial. Their narrowed interest behavior can fixate on things such as violence and gore that would be very counterproductive for them. I'm witnessing this daily with the teens in the families I am helping. And once the appetite is developed it is very difficult to pull them from it.
I hope this has helped someone out there and am open to correction if any feel otherwise. I am not an expert and I don't believe any exist because this is all so new in the span of time. All I can give is my experiences over the last 26 years. I won't even get into the marriage issues at this time. It would take all night. I'll just say, I'm hanging in there and it's probably because of a tremendous sense of purpose in seeing the success of these very precious children.
He's also got a twin sister who's NT (actually, we had her tested first because she was self stimming. Turns out she was just bored, her cognitive score was way high.) But it's been really good and he seems more "socialized" than typical, because of always having her around. Being a stay at home mom of one gifted twin in constant need of stimulation and verbal interaction, and one twin who needs low stimulation and would prefer very little interaction is... interesting. 
