For me, lying has always been difficult for several reasons. Firstly, as I have a strong conscience, secondly, I wasn't always very good at it, and thirdly, I can't stand knowing that the truth has been stifled. As an avid truth seeker, it's in my nature to see through the lies, so adding to them only makes me feel like I'm only adding to the pollution.
Why I care so much about the truth I suppose has to do with my complex, family dynamic. My mother lies about everything, all the time. She lies, even when it's unessessary, and lies even to strangers, who don't care what she has to say. She hides behind her lies; and there are so many, I don't even know who she is sometimes. My sister lies too, though more as a selfish tool to get what she wants from others; in saying that, my mother does this too. I'm so sick of feeling lost in the thick fog of lies, feeling like my life is constructed out of smoke and mirrors; it's confusing, and if find myself lost in it all the time. Sometimes, I'm so sick of their lies, I just blurt out the truth, as it feels almost like a relief to be able to hear it out loud; it's almost like clearing the air.
In sayin that, I do lie too. When I do lie though, I've found that it's always been for survival; whether it's a simple lie to avoid getting in to trouble, or a lie that can save me from the day-to-day struggles of living in an NT world. I do feel bad for it, but I've learned to understand the value, and necessity of lying in certain circumstances; even if I dislike it. I never lie to take advantage of people though; I could never stoop that low.
