Aspiring attraction

[tridianprime]

The titles meant to be ASPIE attraction.

Are some people attracted to aspies? If so, why are they attracted to aspies?

The reason I ask is because sometimes members of the opposite gender (females in my case) apparently find my blunt speech and other aspie traits charming and "cute".

Do you think they are telling the truth?, because I do seem to lure some in inadvertently and either don't want them or don't know how to act.

 

[Ereth]

I doubt most people are actually thinking, "Oh, that person is an Aspie, ergo, he or she is cute." But some people find awkwardness, etc. to be endearing. When my boyfriend flirts with me, it still catches me off guard sometimes. I stammer and squirm, which he's told me he finds cute. I can't say I mind. :giggle2:

 

[Judge]

I doubt most people are actually thinking, "Oh, that person is an Aspie, ergo, he or she is cute." But some people find awkwardness, etc. to be endearing.

Agreed. I suspect people in general aren't likely to be that astute or intuitive about such observations. Frankly it's something that up until recently (Big Bang Theory withstanding) would have not occurred to me. Certainly not in a real-time social setting. I'm an Aspie....too busy worried about how stupid I might appear to Neurotypicals!

Seriously though I believe the sentiment of women has already been expressed here in another thread. That over-aggressive males regardless of their neurological profile aren't so appreciated socially. So those of us who come across rather "understated" stand out a bit in a somewhat more positive, although inadvertent manner.

 

[tridianprime]

Interesting, i think that is what i was heading towards-the idea that they are attracted to the apparent humbleness, even if not the case, of us aspies.

 

[MoCoffee]

I haven't dated a lot, but I was married and engaged, although I'm not anymore, and I seem to attract the same kind of man. They tell me that I am a shy, gentle woman, but I really think they are tuning into the fact that I can't stand up for myself, so they always get their own way. My inability to stand up for myself is directly related to my autism. I had so much abuse when I was a child that I can't handle conflict.

The problem is, these same men don't pick up on the inability I have to connect, so none of us ends up happy. At least now that I have a diagnosis, I understand why I am such a loner, and am finally able to say "I'm sorry, but I know I can never give you the closeness you want, and that won't change no matter how much we might wish otherwise". It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

 

[tridianprime]

I haven't dated a lot, but I was married and engaged, although I'm not anymore, and I seem to attract the same kind of man. They tell me that I am a shy, gentle woman, but I really think they are tuning into the fact that I can't stand up for myself, so they always get their own way. My inability to stand up for myself is directly related to my autism. I had so much abuse when I was a child that I can't handle conflict.

The problem is, these same men don't pick up on the inability I have to connect, so none of us ends up happy. At least now that I have a diagnosis, I understand why I am such a loner, and am finally able to say "I'm sorry, but I know I can never give you the closeness you want, and that won't change no matter how much we might wish otherwise". It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

How interesting. Your abuse made you back down but mine has made me over defensive and vicious/untrusting. It's funny how different people cope differently. You make a good point that maybe they like out innocence etc. because they think they can control us.

 

[Ste11aeres]

This thread reminded me of a section in Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant, a novel by Anne Tyler.
One of the main characters, Cody, an aspiring ladies man notices how all his girlfriends feel a certain thing for his brother Ezra, who is sweet, passive, and in my opinion (never mentioned as sich in the book) probably an Aspie.

 

[LoneHeart]

Most women mistake my shy aspie traits for high confidence (sometimes arrogance) and mysteriousness. I think they find it attractive that they can never tell what I'm thinking since they are probably only used to dealing with neurotypical men. I'm a very muscular guy and I guess decently attractive so when women find out that I am single they usually assume that I am a player that sleeps around with a bunch of women. Which is good to attract those that are just looking for a fun time, but many times the ones that are looking for more than that will have their guards up high, and sometimes even be rude to me because they have their mind already made up about who I am. If only they knew the truth.......

 

[tridianprime]

Most women mistake my shy aspie traits for high confidence (sometimes arrogance) and mysteriousness. I think they find it attractive that they can never tell what I'm thinking since they are probably only used to dealing with neurotypical men. I'm a very muscular guy and I guess decently attractive so when women find out that I am single they usually assume that I am a player that sleeps around with a bunch of women. Which is good to attract those that are just looking for a fun time, but many times the ones that are looking for more than that will have their guards up high, and sometimes even be rude to me because they have their mind already made up about who I am. If only they knew the truth.......

That is similar to me except i am not that muscular. Im toned but not bulging etc. LoL.

 

[Ste11aeres]

Most women mistake my shy aspie traits for high confidence (sometimes arrogance) and mysteriousness. I think they find it attractive that they can never tell what I'm thinking since they are probably only used to dealing with neurotypical men. I'm a very muscular guy and I guess decently attractive so when women find out that I am single they usually assume that I am a player that sleeps around with a bunch of women. Which is good to attract those that are just looking for a fun time, but many times the ones that are looking for more than that will have their guards up high, and sometimes even be rude to me because they have their mind already made up about who I am. If only they knew the truth.......

That's kind of sad.
It can take a long time to understand someone. What you need is circumstances that force someone to be around you in a non-social capacity, (like a co-worker thing) that will give them the time to get to know you, before starting to interact in a more social and personal way.
My best friend and I got to know each other in a working environment. Obviously, the whole thing was a surprise, unpredicted, and non-planned. So obviously I don't have any ideas about how to recreate that.

 

[Ste11aeres]

Most women mistake my shy aspie traits for high confidence (sometimes arrogance) and mysteriousness. I think they find it attractive that they can never tell what I'm thinking since they are probably only used to dealing with neurotypical men. I'm a very muscular guy and I guess decently attractive so when women find out that I am single they usually assume that I am a player that sleeps around with a bunch of women. Which is good to attract those that are just looking for a fun time, but many times the ones that are looking for more than that will have their guards up high, and sometimes even be rude to me because they have their mind already made up about who I am. If only they knew the truth.......

That's kind of sad.
It can take a long time to understand someone. What you need is circumstances that force someone to be around you in a non-social capacity, (like a co-worker thing) that will give them the time to get to know you, before starting to interact in a more social and personal way.
My best friend and I got to know each other in a working environment. Obviously, the whole thing was a surprise, unpredicted, and non-planned. So obviously I don't have any ideas about how to recreate that.

Maybe there's a bit of the "all the good ones are taken. He's not taken. Therefore, he's not really one of the good ones. Let's figure out what's wrong with him...
Let's see, he's obviously attractive, so his flaw must be---that he's a player!"

 

[tridianprime]

That's kind of sad.
It can take a long time to understand someone. What you need is circumstances that force someone to be around you in a non-social capacity, (like a co-worker thing) that will give them the time to get to know you, before starting to interact in a more social and personal way.
My best friend and I got to know each other in a working environment. Obviously, the whole thing was a surprise, unpredicted, and non-planned. So obviously I don't have any ideas about how to recreate that.

Maybe there's a bit of the "all the good ones are taken. He's not taken. Therefore, he's not really one of the good ones. Let's figure out what's wrong with him...
Let's see, he's obviously attractive, so his flaw must be---that he's a player!"

Wow, you are very knowledgable about this.

 

[Judge]

Maybe there's a bit of the "all the good ones are taken. He's not taken. Therefore, he's not really one of the good ones. Let's figure out what's wrong with him...Let's see, he's obviously attractive, so his flaw must be---that he's a player!"

My hat is off to the women of the world still willing to see what's "wrong" with us.

 

[Ylva]

How about what is right with us?

 

[Judge]

How about what is right with us?

Sadly it seems that at a certain age people just stop asking that. :banghead:

 

[LoneHeart]

That's kind of sad.
It can take a long time to understand someone. What you need is circumstances that force someone to be around you in a non-social capacity, (like a co-worker thing) that will give them the time to get to know you, before starting to interact in a more social and personal way.
My best friend and I got to know each other in a working environment. Obviously, the whole thing was a surprise, unpredicted, and non-planned. So obviously I don't have any ideas about how to recreate that.

Maybe there's a bit of the "all the good ones are taken. He's not taken. Therefore, he's not really one of the good ones. Let's figure out what's wrong with him...
Let's see, he's obviously attractive, so his flaw must be---that he's a player!"

Yes I think that must be it. A good friend of mine told me once that I "seemed too good to be true", she pretty much hinted at the same thing when she was trying to figure out from me why I didn't have a girlfriend. I guess that's just another issue that us Aspergers men have to deal with, or atleast those of us that stay single for a long period of time.

 

[Ereth]

My hat is off to the women of the world still willing to see what's "wrong" with us.

Correction: to the people of the world who are willing to understand us. Nobody has a monopoly on misunderstanding.

 

[nowwhat]

why are they attracted to aspies?

Sound's masochistic to me.

 

[nowwhat]

I know I can never give you the closeness you want, and that won't change no matter how much we might wish otherwise". It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

Been thinking along these lines myself lately. It's not a cheery thing to realize and accept, is it?

 

[AutisticallyInclined]

Yeah, I know some Aspies who are cute. I think what it is, is that apathy or likelihood of rejection in males tends to attract girls- honestly because I think they know it will mean they'll consequentially be a longer "getting to know you" period and don't consider your disinterest 1) threatening and 2) needy.

I did have an Aspie guy really like me once, but I found him a little trying to hard to start of and then once in a while when his selfishness shone through it would kinda turn me off.

I personally know one Aspie male who I like but one downsides in the past was when he didn't understand my psychology 100%, he would think me think me better than I am and I'm left in the awkward position of wanting him to know me for me, but also not wanting to disappoint him and potentially even reject me. I know I gotta suck it up but in the moment you receive an undeserved compliment its hard to be like "Well now. Actually" Its just I know I'll feel like crap either way.