HI, my name is Meghan and I am 30 years old. The idea of autism was first introduced to my mother when I was 9 by my pediatrician....but I didn't quite "fit the bill" due to my high IQ, back then autism was considered a low IQ condition. My mom swept it under the rug as she did most things and I grew up to be a highly nonfunctional adult. By 22 I had a child and shortly thereafter I was addicted to drugs (RX Oxycodone) looking for relief from symptoms that oxycodone simply couldn't fix. My addiction eventually led to my child being taken from me and now that I have finally found a way to be a functioning member of society I will be fighting with everything I have to get visitation rights and be the best mother my son (and three step children) could ever have. I want to share with you what path has brought me to where I am today...blessed with a wonderful husband who did countless hours of research and put up with all of my episodes for almost 5 years to get me the help I so desperately needed.
First off, I am off the charts on the hypersensitivity scale, to the point where my husband turned on a tv show using headphones and I, in another room with the door shut screamed at him to turn it down. Just imagine the same for all of my other senses, they are, or were just as bad. I suffered from trichotillomania (a hair pulling tic disorder) from a very young age, I sucked my thumb until I was 14 and I had to carry a special blanket with me up until just a couple months ago. I suffered from many other tics including finger tapping, painful rocking and just about everything else you can imagine. I was a total wreck. We saw many doctors but none who specialized in autistic disorders. Usually they would treat the acute anxiety disorders with some sort of fast and short acting benzo and send me on my way. When I look back and consider my near constant episodes I have no idea how my husband stuck it out considering we got married only 11 days after we met. He fought for me every single day, through the "I hate you's", the "You're the problem I don't have any disorder's" and through the "I want a divorce"..he just loved me the whole way through it.
I was completely NON FUNCTIONAL - locked in a dark quiet room 90% of the time as soon as I got off the oxycodone 4 years ago and the only time I was functional was when I had a short acting benzo and then I was barely functional in spite of my very high IQ, I did get a lot of learning done over my four years of hell though.
But that was me then, this is me now: I get up everyday and I play with my dog, I talk to my family (although I still have a very difficult time with phone calls) - but if they are around, I am interacting with them. I hug, I kiss my husband 50 times a day, I adore the man I am married too and I am so thankful he stuck it out and fought so hard for my happiness. I work, mostly paperwork and emails but even the occasional phone consultation is okay with me. I see my primary care doctor who has a lot of autism experience once a month, I see a psycho-pharmacologist once a month and soon I start seeing a psychologist regularly. The program that got me to this point is this - a combination of proper nutrition (this part is so important) lots of ensure drinks (as eating was a problem for me and I was quite underweight), a daily multi vitamin, a combo of several B vitamins, Magnesium Oxide (RX), and coQ10 to help with my back pain from scoliosis and injury as my dr says pain increases my other symptoms. Pharmacologicaly, I am on 80mg of Geodon at dinner time, 3mg Xanax XR twice daily (which has nearly eliminated ALL of my tics) and 1-2mg Xanax immediate release for "emergencies" - episodes. I am starting a new med tonight to help with my sleep and appetite - low dose mirtazapine (15mg); I am hoping that will allow me to reduce my geodon dosage some as it's "put me to sleep" quality is wearing off the longer I am on it.
Please feel free to contact me/my husband through me with any questions, he has done so much research he knows more than most doctors do about HFA and Aspergers.
Lastly - Faith. I personally am a Christian woman but prayer didn't fix the chemical disorders in my brain. God made man, man made medicine and when used appropriately it can turn your life around. You are not alone in the fight...my number 1 recommendation though, FIND A DOCTOR WHO KNOWS THE CONDITION.
Pray like it all depends on God and work as though it all depends on yourself. All the meds in the world would do me little good if I didn't work on myself daily.
Thanks for listening and I hopes this helps at least one person...just one would be enough to make all my 25+ years of suffering worth it.
ps I am still autistic of course, I am still socially unacceptable and I smile when I shouldn't and don't when I should...but that is okay by me, normal is boring anyway.
First off, I am off the charts on the hypersensitivity scale, to the point where my husband turned on a tv show using headphones and I, in another room with the door shut screamed at him to turn it down. Just imagine the same for all of my other senses, they are, or were just as bad. I suffered from trichotillomania (a hair pulling tic disorder) from a very young age, I sucked my thumb until I was 14 and I had to carry a special blanket with me up until just a couple months ago. I suffered from many other tics including finger tapping, painful rocking and just about everything else you can imagine. I was a total wreck. We saw many doctors but none who specialized in autistic disorders. Usually they would treat the acute anxiety disorders with some sort of fast and short acting benzo and send me on my way. When I look back and consider my near constant episodes I have no idea how my husband stuck it out considering we got married only 11 days after we met. He fought for me every single day, through the "I hate you's", the "You're the problem I don't have any disorder's" and through the "I want a divorce"..he just loved me the whole way through it.
I was completely NON FUNCTIONAL - locked in a dark quiet room 90% of the time as soon as I got off the oxycodone 4 years ago and the only time I was functional was when I had a short acting benzo and then I was barely functional in spite of my very high IQ, I did get a lot of learning done over my four years of hell though.
But that was me then, this is me now: I get up everyday and I play with my dog, I talk to my family (although I still have a very difficult time with phone calls) - but if they are around, I am interacting with them. I hug, I kiss my husband 50 times a day, I adore the man I am married too and I am so thankful he stuck it out and fought so hard for my happiness. I work, mostly paperwork and emails but even the occasional phone consultation is okay with me. I see my primary care doctor who has a lot of autism experience once a month, I see a psycho-pharmacologist once a month and soon I start seeing a psychologist regularly. The program that got me to this point is this - a combination of proper nutrition (this part is so important) lots of ensure drinks (as eating was a problem for me and I was quite underweight), a daily multi vitamin, a combo of several B vitamins, Magnesium Oxide (RX), and coQ10 to help with my back pain from scoliosis and injury as my dr says pain increases my other symptoms. Pharmacologicaly, I am on 80mg of Geodon at dinner time, 3mg Xanax XR twice daily (which has nearly eliminated ALL of my tics) and 1-2mg Xanax immediate release for "emergencies" - episodes. I am starting a new med tonight to help with my sleep and appetite - low dose mirtazapine (15mg); I am hoping that will allow me to reduce my geodon dosage some as it's "put me to sleep" quality is wearing off the longer I am on it.
Please feel free to contact me/my husband through me with any questions, he has done so much research he knows more than most doctors do about HFA and Aspergers.
Lastly - Faith. I personally am a Christian woman but prayer didn't fix the chemical disorders in my brain. God made man, man made medicine and when used appropriately it can turn your life around. You are not alone in the fight...my number 1 recommendation though, FIND A DOCTOR WHO KNOWS THE CONDITION.
Pray like it all depends on God and work as though it all depends on yourself. All the meds in the world would do me little good if I didn't work on myself daily.
Thanks for listening and I hopes this helps at least one person...just one would be enough to make all my 25+ years of suffering worth it.
ps I am still autistic of course, I am still socially unacceptable and I smile when I shouldn't and don't when I should...but that is okay by me, normal is boring anyway.
