At Work with Others Deeper in the Spectrum: What have your experiences been?

[Aspergirl4hire]

We talk a lot about the difficulty in communicating with NTs. I recently had the experience of encountering someone else on the spectrum--perhaps more than one spectrum. My guess is he's "more" neurodiverse than I. It went like this:

I was visiting a region to facilitate a meeting with sixteen attendees and three other members of the team, all of whom rank me in political power and ability to prioritize what gets done, what doesn't. We are building a business case for the investment of a 1-2 million-dollar deal.

I'd distributed agenda in advance. Some invitees invited others unexpectedly, which included one youngish man with red hair and an unblinking gaze who persistently returned to highly detailed technical topics that were inappropriate to the agenda, beyond most of the audience, although relevant, and above all, were way too early in the project.

He wouldn't stop. At one point he made as if to take over and present himself, and it took me, and each one of my colleagues, several attempts each to get things back on track. We each explained--I in a very literal way--that the business need drives technology selection. He was so stuck that after the meeting, he debated one of my seniors further, and finally came to me and said, "The others just don't get it."

"What others don't get what?"

"That what I'm talking about is step one. You have to do it first because the customers and vendors will ask about it."

"That's only true if the project is approved," I said. "The project has to be justified and funded before we can start looking at technology. That's the input we're here to get. We'll definitely want to talk to you more, but not yet."

He shook his head and went away.

I had thought--naively--that becoming more knowledgeable about recognizing the spectrum behaviors (as well as potential OCD), and personal experience would enable a better outcome. He definitely knew his stuff, and he says he leads a group of 12 people, but he didn't feel like a lead so much as an overprotective subject matter expert. I am still thinking about it.

What have your experiences been when talking "into the depths" of a spectrum, to people whose interests are even narrower than yours, or at a different place in a work process?

 

[royinpink]

We talk a lot about the difficulty in communicating with NTs. I recently had the experience of encountering someone else on the spectrum--perhaps more than one spectrum. My guess is he's "more" neurodiverse than I. It went like this:

I was visiting a region to facilitate a meeting with sixteen attendees and three other members of the team, all of whom rank me in political power and ability to prioritize what gets done, what doesn't. We are building a business case for the investment of a 1-2 million-dollar deal.

I'd distributed agenda in advance. Some invitees invited others unexpectedly, which included one youngish man with red hair and an unblinking gaze who persistently returned to highly detailed technical topics that were inappropriate to the agenda, beyond most of the audience, although relevant, and above all, were way too early in the project.

He wouldn't stop. At one point he made as if to take over and present himself, and it took me, and each one of my colleagues, several attempts each to get things back on track. We each explained--I in a very literal way--that the business need drives technology selection. He was so stuck that after the meeting, he debated one of my seniors further, and finally came to me and said, "The others just don't get it."

"What others don't get what?"

"That what I'm talking about is step one. You have to do it first because the customers and vendors will ask about it."

"That's only true if the project is approved," I said. "The project has to be justified and funded before we can start looking at technology. That's the input we're here to get. We'll definitely want to talk to you more, but not yet."

He shook his head and went away.

I had thought--naively--that becoming more knowledgeable about recognizing the spectrum behaviors (as well as potential OCD), and personal experience would enable a better outcome. He definitely knew his stuff, and he says he leads a group of 12 people, but he didn't feel like a lead so much as an overprotective subject matter expert. I am still thinking about it.

What have your experiences been when talking "into the depths" of a spectrum, to people whose interests are even narrower than yours, or at a different place in a work process?

At a previous workplace, I was seen as the only one who could 'deal with' a certain colleague, which also created suspicion about my own character. The main problem, as you mention, was rigidity. He also had OCD, and he couldn't see why people wanted him to do things other ways. I was the only one with the patience to talk through it with him without any trace of judgment or pressure that would send him into defensive-mode, which would totally destroy his ability to listen and compromise.

I hate to be always complaining about my dad, but he'd be a good example of somebody on the spectrum who doesn't need your actual judgment to go into inflexible defensive-mode. He'll tend to get paranoid and assume you're judging him or 'not listening' to him, I guess because he can't read people well and got bullied a lot as a child.

For instance, I remember him trying to tell me how to format my English paper in high school. I tried repeatedly and patiently explaining to him that I couldn't do it his way because I was required to use MLA formatting, and MLA formatting required 12pt font, double spacing, no boldface, etc. He would just explain to me again (and more loudly) that his way was better, until he finally screamed "No one ever listens to me!" and stomped off.

If he weren't so tied up in other opinions being a challenge to his authority, I think he would function a lot better, because I don't know that he's actually 'more neurodiverse' than me, just has poor coping mechanisms.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

...
If he weren't so tied up in other opinions being a challenge to his authority, I think he would function a lot better, because I don't know that he's actually 'more neurodiverse' than me, just has poor coping mechanisms.

That's an interesting point. I don't know how I would tell whether the issue was poor coping mechanisms or an autistic response, other than the success (or not) of using repetition, literal language, and metaphorical language. My assumption is that since the metaphors used by others failed, and since it's socially unacceptable to 'take over' someone else's meeting when you weren't invited to begin with, that I was looking at HFA with OCD complications...and a ration of territorial behavior thrown in.

 

[paloftoon]

What seems important is dealing with the situation rather than determining if he is giving an autistic response or poor coping. Sounds like a combination of both really. Since reasoning with this individual properly has not worked, what you can do to make him feel valued instead is to ask him to put his information in a useful powerpoint or such, and that we will consider looking at it for project approval and after project approval. Sway his arguments to non-verbal tasks, and if that is too much effort for him to do, then his arguments will not hold water and he would just be looked it as a blabbering one only. . .