austistic child! your thoughts/advice?

[parentofASchild]

Two of us have only one child and just turned 4. Been going to public school Pre-K Special ED class.

He was diagnosed with Autism at around 2 years old. We go see (OT)=occupational therapist & (ST)= speech therapist every week outside of school and the school also provides 30 mins of OT & ST every week as part of (IEP)= individualized education program. His class hour is just less then 3 hrs.
I was recently able to start doing potty training using seats and he would go when ask with us and wants us to read books for him while doing potty. He doesn't pee or poop in toilet seat and the potty all the time though. Maybe he needs to get very used to it.

He is good kid. smiles, playful. But recently the school, his teacher sent us a note saying "he is throwing toys". Yesterday, I saw a note in his backpack saying "he is mad and that he is scratching".

He has been going to special ed prek for almost a year now and no complaints from the teacher until recently.

At home, he is playful, attentive, smiles and laughs when we play. He eats breakfast at home and goes to the school bus with help of bud aide with other special needs students that are in the bus. he would not cry or complain and he is NOT MAD at us. The therapists that we take our child outside of school loves my child.

At home, he would sometimes throw papers down, laughing and smiling, seeing how it flies or drops. He rarely ever scratches us. Regarding the scratching issue the teacher is raising, I can only think of one time scratching my wrist while he was smiling and laughing when putting on his pant.

So I think the school teacher us making big issue here. I replied via email saying, as you know he is a 3 year old with AS and that she consult with the OT & SP that is at the school about the issues she is raising and they may guide her and fellow teacher in his special ed class room. The IEP law requires special ED teacher consult and work together with therapists to help special ed students like him.
I also replied saying he is not doing to us what you are describing and to us he has been playful and nice kid at home. She replied back saying " DON'T LET HIM SCRATCH YOU AT HOME AND STOP HIM FROM DOING IT. I once again replied, we can only remember scratching us once on our wrist and of course we shout NO and gently hit on on his hand and that we are responsible parents.

I called and spoke to his school OT and explained to her about the notes the teacher is sending us, the school OT said, this is all sensory issue and kids of AS can sometimes do this and also his class room has 3 new students now and maybe my son is not adjusting well to new things. The school OT says whenever he sees my child at the school, he listens to her, playful and active.


Now I just got a mail from school, saying he is throwing this and scratching that.

What should I tell them now?


You know as a parent, I too can raise issues such as they not helping him eat school meals and other matters too but so far I have NEVER complained to them or bothered about anything. I have stayed clam and cool.

 

[WereBear]

It is possible he is under more stress at school compared to home -- which is a good thing! But he needs more support at school perhaps? So he feels less threatened there?

 

[the_tortoise]

I think they need to give you context; Things like:

When is he throwing toys/scratching?

What toys is he throwing? Who is he scratching ?

Where is he throwing the toys? (Is he throwing them at someone/something or just throwing them? Does he throw them in a particular area of the classroom or playground?)

What time of the day is it when these things happen?

What was he doing before throwing the toys/scratching?

What is happening around him before he starts throwing toys/scratching?

What is happening around him while he is throwing toys/scratching?

The answers to these questions might give clues as to what going on with your son -- why he does these things -- and how to help him improve his behavior. The teachers should be asking these questions, and sharing the answers with you.

 

[Bella Pines]

Agree with @the_tortoise. It sounds like the situation is spiraling out of control. The teacher (who clearly has a problem and does not understand autism) is handling it badly and is now drawing you into their drama. The fact that you are responding and bringing up the school meal thing means that the ignorant teacher is effecting you. Eventually more people will get drawn in to the squabble.

However, regardless of all the fuss, the focus of attention should be the child and only the child. So per the questions above, what is disturbing him? Will it pass when things settle down? Or is it getting worst and needs to be looked into?

So I would say ignore this idiot teacher and refer them to the professionals, the OT and special ed staff should be trained to deal with unprofessional teachers. Then continue to work with the OT to give your child the best hope of a bright future.

 

[parentofASchild]

Thanks guys,

some updates:
This is his 2nd year in Pre-K special Ed class. Only in last 2 months, I began receiving little note from his teacher saying he is "throwing toys". I replied back by saying he is not throwing in aggressive manner to hurt someone but to play himself to look at the fall and hear sound and we say NO. 2 Last month, i got a note in his backpack saying" he is scratching and that we should cut his nails" We always cut his nails every few days. Last week, I got 3rd note saying " He is scratching us even when we say no". And I wanted to deal with this cos they are talking as if I have some special healing power to STOP his autistic behavior and i feel like they blaming us.

I exchanged 2 emails saying he is nice to us and wouldn't scratch us except for one i can remember on our hand and we do say NO and his throwing is his way of playing. And told her to work with school OT & ST she replied via email saying this behavior shouldn't have anything to do with therapists and we should NOT LET him scratch at home. I told her ofcourse we DON'T LET this and we are responsible parents.

I met my son's personal speech therapist yesterday and explained about the note school teacher has been sending and ask her for help. she help me with a note which was about advice on how to work with him and udnerstand him when he throws or scratches. I also wrote my own letter and I sent both to his teacher today.
I have the one I wrote here and pasted below

"We understand you have some concerns about our (name of son's) behavior at school, and we thank you for bringing that to our attention. Since our son is diagnosed as autistic, he has a unique set of challenges we are confident we can work together to address. We look forward to actively working with all concerned in improving both the welfare and education of our son.

At home (name of son) is very gentle, attentive, and always smiling. He loves to sit and read books and smiles constantly. So, we are sure you'll understand that we are surprised and concerned by the behavioral issues you have indicated our son exhibits while at school.

For the best interest of (name of son), we'd also like to take the opportunity to bring up some concerns about some events that have taken place in the past, as well as some challenges he currently has. Our son is almost completely non-verbal with significant speech delays that makes his ability to communicate with both his peers and educators very difficult. Being in an environment with a lot of other children and with a set of expectations to meet in order to attain certain educational goals would prove stressful to a child who meets normal developmental/age appropriate goals, but is significantly more stressful for our son due to his aforementioned developmental delays.

Likewise, as we know you are aware, our child is still not fully toilet trained, and while we as parents have worked hard on improving this, more time and effort is needed before our son will be fully toilet trained. In the meantime, we are concerned that educators involved in our son's well-being wait until the end of the day to change our son's diaper. We can discuss options in person, but perhaps a teacher can go to the bathroom with our son to assist him with toileting.

Our other concern is that our son has difficulty swallowing dry food, and is not eating the food provided to him at school. This is brought to our attention because your school kindly sends home a daily progress note that indicates our child did not eat any of his food.

As to the behavioral issues you have brought to our attention, we believe only being informed about the issues isn't enough to establish a change in behavior. We believe that our son's home environment is supportive, and does not promote any form of violence, so we need to know as parents how we can best support your school to make necessary changes to improve our son's behavior there. Again, we can discuss this more in person, but perhaps there are additional resources that can be provided by your school or outside agencies so our son works with experts more familiar with autism such as occupational therapists, speech therapists, etc.

We plan to continue to take an active role in our son's education & development because we know that is just as important to his success as the role his school takes in him receiving an effective education. We would like to meet with (name of teacher) and (name of principal) at a time that is mutually convenient so we can discuss improvements in support (name of son) can receive at both home and school. We are sure we can have a constructive conversation that will allow for us to continue to take an active role in our son's education & development, but also with effective changes in how our son's education & support is managed at school as well."

Today after noon, His teacher asks me to call about the notes. First thing , she wasn't rude to me on phone but she talked to me as she is in full charge. she said is she doesn’t need the notes from the speech therapist ,doesn’t need advice about this as she is specialized in behavior and so she is sending the note back to his therapist that works for a children hospital. I told her it is a recommendation about how to respond to his behavior or throwing toys or scratching that you said has been happening recently in his classroom. But she says she knows what to do and sending back to her. Then she talked about my notes. She says she knows how to handle automatic kids and that she feels I am being too defensive and that notes she sends to me about his recent behavior are just notes and that they don’t want him to do this to us. I replied her politely that she and her staffsmin his classroom need to be hit more understanding to automatic kids like him and his behavior is not a violence act but selling attention and my letter is just a simple respond to her notes that she has been sending me. Anyway then we talked for like 20 mins about his potty. She says school doesn't have small kids toilet and they try to take him to toilet but she cries. I told her he would go to toilet at home and we use potty seat. I told her to try to get him used to using real toilet and we as parents will work on this . I asked her to get him to start eating school meals and drink the regular cold milk the school provides or at least get him to the idea of school meal. She was like I am not too worried about that and if we want, we can send him meals he would eat. I told her we like to get him to start being used school meals now so when he goes to kindergarden full time, he may eat at school. Anyway his 2nd year IEP is net week and I will of course have to raise this issue with school district representatives and school therapists because we don’t need repeat notes we neee support for him. I told her my child’s birthday is coming tomorrow and she agrees to his birthday celebration in his classroom and says it is her birthday . I feel like she is being bit condescending to say I am gonna send his therapists recommendation letter back and that he is doing that or that. Your thoughts for this whole thing please.
His 2nd year IEP is next week and thats why I sent the notes from his therapist and us to kinda get them to prepare what we are gonna talk about and the support my child should receive.
Thanks