Autism and Dating

[AutistAcolyte]

I'm trying not to get ahead of myself, but this past weekend I had such an interesting interaction, and I've shared it with my brother in law, but am curious about some autistic feedback.

There's a woman at my church who I'm attracted to, and we've spoken briefly in passing, but I've always been with someone, and we'd never had a one on one interaction.

This past Sunday, I passed her as she was leaving and she told me she was going to a local lunch spot that we both like, which is the only place I've seen her outside of church. She asked if I was going as well, and I told her I wasn't sure. I spent some time catching up with my friends from church after that.

When I was leaving, I decided to drive by the lunch spot to see if she was still there, and she was! I parked, got a baguette to take home, mostly because I didn't want it to seem like I was going there just to see her.

I sat at the table she was at, and we ended up talking for nearly an hour about all kinds of things, and she told me that she doesn't usually do much during the week aside from work and that she would like to get together with some friends.

This is the part where I'm not sure what to think. I don't know if she's interested in me as a friend, or as a potential partner. I've asked my friends if they'd like to get dinner this week at one of our usual spots, and am planning on inviting her, so I think I'll just have to wait until then to find out more.

All this to say, I'm very excited because this is the first time anything like this has happened to me! Curious to know if anyone has experience with this sort of thing. Thanks!

 

[FayetheAspie]

This is the part where I'm not sure what to think. I don't know if she's interested in me as a friend, or as a potential partner.

I don't know. It could be either, I think.

 

[daniegirl6224]

Excited for you!

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

That is very nice that she has noticed you and perhaps values a connection. By all means if you are inviting friends to dinner you can mention that to her. Don't be too invested in an acceptance from her so you won't be dissapointed, but that definately signals your interest and lets her make the choice. Good Luck. Just be open to her preferences and let things unfold at a pace that is good for you both.

In relationships I have regretted things that I did not do, not those where I was actively expressing my enjoyment at being with a person I liked.

You may have read some of my posts about my meeting my spouse. It started with a call to inquire about car pooling to a trip we both signed up for and we spoke frequently about gear and preparation for trail maintenance. Little did I know she was hoping to meet a guy who she could do outdoor recreation with. We became friends, lovers and still enjoy outdoor recreation together, 47 years later.

 

[Shamar]

We can date? The things I regret most are the things I could have done but didn't. Follow through but don't push it, just see where things go. It seems to me that a platonic friendship can turn into a romantic one in time. DON'T MASK!! You may have hit the Autism Jackpot, don't mess it up. Best of luck with this.

 

[AutistAcolyte]

Thanks everyone! I called her this afternoon and she seemed excited (she said something along the lines of "i don't think i have plans, but if i do i'll have to cancel them")

I'm trying not to get too invested too soon. I hope i'll have a more full perspective after this weekend!

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

We can date? The things I regret most are the things I could have done but didn't. Follow through but don't push it, just see where things go. It seems to me that a platonic friendship can turn into a romantic one in time. DON'T MASK!! You may have hit the Autism Jackpot, don't mess it up. Best of luck with this.

That sounds very nice. Be respectful and accepting of her. And it is OK to express your enjoyment at being with her. Be certain to follow up no more than a day later to let her know that you enjoyed the time. That follow-up and communication is important in maintaining a relationship.

When I met my future spouse, she had guys who ghosted her and she felt bad about that. I was determined to follow up after the wonderful time we had on the trip we met on and that immediately put me in the category of "keeper." Everybody enjoys the complement that they are noticed, respected, and valued. If you are truly interested in that woman, please let her know that she is valued.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Thanks everyone! I called her this afternoon and she seemed excited (she said something along the lines of "i don't think i have plans, but if i do i'll have to cancel them")

I'm trying not to get too invested too soon. I hope i'll have a more full perspective after this weekend!

That sounds very nice. Enjoy yourself! Be respectful and accepting of her. And it is OK to express your enjoyment at being with her. Be certain to follow up no more than a day later to let her know that you enjoyed the time. That follow-up and communication is important in maintaining a relationship.

When I met my future spouse, she had guys who ghosted her and she felt bad about that. I was determined to follow up after the wonderful time we had on the trip we met on, and that immediately put me in the category of "keeper." Everybody enjoys the complement that they are noticed, respected, and valued. If you are truly interested in that woman, please let her know that she is valued. And, remember, people are not perfect and as my spouse taught me, Embrace Imperfection.

 

[Judge]

This is the part where I'm not sure what to think. I don't know if she's interested in me as a friend, or as a potential partner.

Oh yes. "Crunch time", when one of the other of you has to stick your emotional neck- and ego out and make that "first move" to make intentions crystal clear.

And if and when it happens, how so much changes. But the risk is worth it.