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autism and intimacy difficultly question

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USA1

New Member
Hello, I have a question concerning autism and relationships. Me and my girlfriend have been together for 10 years. Over the past few months my girlfriend believes she is autistic and is now planning on undergoing formal diagnosis. She cannot express emotions easy into words. She is struggling with many things, she is experiencing autistic burnout where senses are bothering her.

Sorry I'm still new to understanding everything. For the past few months it is extremely difficult to share any form of intimacy (even as simple as holding hands). I understand that I need to give her space to figure out more on whats going on. I'm really struggling with the idea that our relationship won't return to what we had. I'm trying to be patient and hopeful. I know she loves me deep down.

Can I please get some advice and comments if someone has similar experiences. I just need some hope, feeling very depressed. Thanks.
 
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Hi I am a female on the spectrum and I am married to a NT,though I am on the spectrum I am still affectionate when it comes to relationships but I can relate to what your girlfriend is going through when it to verbalising what she is feeling, i started to fully notice this issue when I was in my teens when I couldn’t find the right words to express what was going on with me and it was like the words got stuck in my throat,I still struggle with this today and I also find it’s due from being overwhelmed by the emotions,give her time since she may be feeling overwhelmed and things could get better but patience is key.
 
Thank you for the kind words. One thing I didn't mention above is I'm probably on the spectrum as well (and dyslexic).
I know I need to be patient. I just wish that I didn't feel physically unloved (hard not to feel depressed, alone, not sleeping well, etc). Kind of feeling selfish for such thoughts, I just wish I had a coping mechanism. I just worry about what might happen.
 
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USA1 said:
Thank you for the kind words. One thing I didn't mention above is I'm probably on the spectrum as well (and dyslexic).
I know I need to be patient. I just wish that I didn't feel physically unloved (hard not to feel depressed, alone, not sleeping well, etc). Kind of feeling selfish for such thoughts, I just wish I had a coping mechanism. I just worry about what might happen.
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You are not being selfish and its natural to feel that way,I deal with not having very good coping mechanisms and I am a natural worrier and overthinker,just try not to be so hard on yourself because of how you feel because you don’t want to start getting physically sick or have excessive anxiety.
 
For me, when I have a lot going on in my life there seems to be no space for intimacy in my head. When I've figured things out, it comes back.
Have you talked to her about feeling unloved? Maybe she can reassure you?
 
I am afraid to do so because she has a difficult time conveying emotikns and I don't want to set it back further. I guess I just need to be patient and try to not let it bother me (very difficult). Thanks.
 
USA1 said:
I am afraid to do so because she has a difficult time conveying emotikns and I don't want to set it back further. I guess I just need to be patient and try to not let it bother me (very difficult). Thanks.
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You say you have been together for 10 years. Has she always had difficulty expressing feelings and intimacy? Autism is not something you suddenly "catch." It is either there from birth or it never will be. Was there and event or trauma that might have caused her to stop hiding it?

The sudden realization that you are (or might be) autistic can come as quite a shock. It did for me. About all I can say is just be there for support and reassurance.
 
It's very very important to be patient. If you're not patient you come off like an asshole.

My girlfriend is a trauma victim, so I have to be extremely patient with her. Like, holding her hand might give her a panic attack. All I do is tell her it's okay, and believe in her. Then I wait. I don't tell her my insecurities with it. I don't tell her "I wish this were to go back to normal". I don't give her the sense she has to have sex at some point. Because we don't.

Sex is important to me, but so are other things.

Just be with her. Be present.

My girlfriend and I naturally just started having sex with each other. Because I stayed kind. Just don't rush it. :)
 
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