Autistic adult breaking things

[phillip_jeffries]

I have a 30-year-old autistic brother, and he's recently been exhibiting some alarming behavior. There were two incidents during the past few months in which broken drinking glasses were discovered in the kitchen, which I'd thought had simply fallen to the floor. Yesterday, my brother threw a mug against the wall, seemingly out of nowhere, breaking it. Could this be a cry for attention?

There was also an incident several months ago in which he punched himself in the head, which he admitted to my parents a day later.

He and I have a decent relationship, and I've been able to help him in the past with his depression, as I have my own issues with depression and anxiety. He does occasionally speak in a low voice, but he is largely non-verbal. I wish I could help him more, but it is difficult to know what is going through his head. I've let him know that I am always here to support him, and he does seem more comfortable opening up to me than with our parents.

How can I can convince him to come to me when he is going through a hard time? Also, is breaking things common among autistic adults? What is typically the reason for intentionally breaking things?

Thank you!

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

As far as I know, such behavior is not common in autistic adults, especially those living independently and paying for one's belongings. He is exhibiting a profound lack of self control with a lack of consequences for his actions. It is not autism.

 

[Crossbreed]

Also, is breaking things common among autistic adults?

Hi, again.
Was he in special ed. classes when he was in high school?
https://autlanders.blogspot.com/2019/07/finding-support-resources-in-usa.html

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Is he nonverbal autistic? One of my neighbors has a son who is severely disabled from autism. He cannot talk, and he cannot focus on other people's speech commands. He is sort of lost inside himself. He screams a lot, throws things, and runs. I feel so deeply for him and his family. Is your brother like this young man?

 

[phillip_jeffries]

Crossbreed, thank you for the link. I will look into these resources. My brother went to a special education high school that only accepted students with psychiatric disabilities. He is incredibly intelligent and has never had issues academically.

Yeshuasdaughter, he does speak, although he speaks rarely and at a very low volume. He seems to process other peoples' speech just fine, but he has difficulty speaking himself.

 

[Rodafina]

Hi @phillip_jeffries,
It sounds like you really care about your brother and have a good relationship with him. I hope we can help you be supportive to him.

To me, it seems like your brother is not necessarily crying for help, but acting in a desperate way because of unmanaged feelings. Perhaps anxiety or anger, or something intense that he is not able to express in more constructive ways. Sometimes there is a lot happening in our minds and it is not always clear to others what the impetus for frustrated behavior is.

I have been known to smack myself in the head or bang my head, which I have done for a while, although it has gotten much better over the past year as I have found other ways to manage the feelings that lead up to this kind of behavior.

Sensory overload, and social overstimulation can cause some autistic people to act in surprising ways. Are you familiar with the concept of an autistic meltdown?

I think the good thing here is that your brother can process verbal communication, so that gives you a good way to express yourself to him. But, it may be helpful for him to have more ways to express himself to you and the outside world. Does he like art or photography or making things? We all need ways to express ourselves, But it does not have to be in a verbal manner.

 

[Rodafina]

As far as I know, such behavior is not common in autistic adults, especially those living independently and paying for one's belongings. He is exhibiting a profound lack of self control with a lack of consequences for his actions. It is not autism.

I disagree. It may not be common for you, but especially for mostly nonverbal adults with ASD 2 or 3, these behaviors are certainly common and do not respond to consequences.

 

[Crossbreed]

My brother went to a special education high school that only accepted students with psychiatric disabilities. He is incredibly intelligent and has never had issues academically.

Intelligence & self-control are independent of each other. You can have one without the other.

1. Does he have a legal guardian?
2. If no, does he receive disability payments?
3. If yes, does that money go to him, or to someone else for him?

(I don't mean to be nosy, but it helps to understand his situation.)

 

[tazz]

As far as I know, such behavior is not common in autistic adults, especially those living independently and paying for one's belongings. He is exhibiting a profound lack of self control with a lack of consequences for his actions. It is not autism.

I disagree. It may not be common for you, but especially for mostly nonverbal adults with ASD 2 or 3, these behaviors are certainly common and do not respond to consequences.

I think this is a fairly complex issue. Even if it is rare in autistic adults it's not possible to say categorically that it's not autism in the OP's case.

My experience...

I am diagnosed high functioning autistic. I have above average intelligence. I'm verbal. I am 51 years old. I've had a good career. I own my home and have belongings.

However, I have various issues connected with autism which can lead to violent outbursts. The two main issues are unexpected changes to my environment and difficulty with verbal communication. It almost never gets as far as a violent outburst. Reaching the point where I smash something usually requires a sustained period of being overwhelmed. During such times I find it more difficult to connect my thoughts with speech, and to understand what others are trying to say. And I am far less tolerant of changes in the environment. I can feel myself going from "in control" to "out of control" but it happens very quickly. So I only get a few minutes warning that I'm blowing up. Then I hit or kick something (never a person), I throw stuff (never at a person) or I self-harm (biting, scratching). It usually happens when I'm alone because I naturally withdraw and want to be on my own before I get that far. But occasionally other people are there to witness it. I appreciate that my outburst has an impact on them even if it is not directed at them specifically, although I think it is significant that my behaviour is never directed at a person - there is still some sort of understanding that it's not the other person that is causing me distress, rather it is something internal.

It happens maybe once per year.

The specialist psychiatrist who did my adult ASC assessment asked me about these things. The assessment process for me was thorough and detailed. He explained that certain things can be uncomfortable for autistic people, and the effect can be cumulative, with frustrations building and building, until the point where the situation is distressing. He told me this distress can result in a loss of control such as shutting down or an angry outburst or self-harming.

I'm not an expert in these matters. I can only explain how I see it and what the psychiatrist told me about it. I'm still learning.

 

[Stuttermabolur]

Hi @phillip_jeffries,
The good thing here is that your brother can process verbal communication, so that gives you a good way to express yourself to him. But, it may be helpful for him to have more ways to express himself to you and the outside world. Does he like art or photography or making things? We all need ways to express ourselves, But it does not have to be in a verbal manner.

I agree with this. You can also try communicating with him through writing or engage in his interests. Just make sure not to pressure him to respond quickly or in a certain way, as he might draw into himself. It's very common for autistic people to communicate or share their emotions, but I think it's good if he knows he can reach you when needed (in a way he finds comfortable), and that you will support him.

 

[phillip_jeffries]

Intelligence & self-control are independent of each other. You can have one without the other.

1. Does he have a legal guardian?
2. If no, does he receive disability payments?
3. If yes, does that money go to him, or to someone else for him?

(I don't mean to be nosy, but it helps to understand his situation.)

No worries! I appreciate you and all of the other posters taking their time to help. Our mother and father are his legal guardians. We all live in the same house. He receives monthly social security disability payments, and while he does have his own bank account, my father takes care of it.

I think the good thing here is that your brother can process verbal communication, so that gives you a good way to express yourself to him. But, it may be helpful for him to have more ways to express himself to you and the outside world. Does he like art or photography or making things? We all need ways to express ourselves, But it does not have to be in a verbal manner.

He is a fantastic artist, though he has not created anything for a few years. He is also an excellent cook. He prepares a meal for our family roughly once a month, which he enjoys doing. I am a musician, and I have been considering teaching him an instrument so we can play music together, which I think would be good for him.

Also, I am planning to find my own place to live soon, and I have been thinking of asking my brother to move in with me. I think it might be easier for him to live in a less crowded house. He also loves dogs, but our parents refuse to get another dog (our last dog passed a few years ago), and I will adopt a dog once I move out.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I think it would be a good idea to put the glassware and ceramics into storage, and buy plastic cups, bowls, and plates instead.

You can usually get them in a multipack for fairly inexpensively.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

No worries! I appreciate you and all of the other posters taking their time to help. Our mother and father are his legal guardians. We all live in the same house. He receives monthly social security disability payments, and while he does have his own bank account, my father takes care of it.



He is a fantastic artist, though he has not created anything for a few years. He is also an excellent cook. He prepares a meal for our family roughly once a month, which he enjoys doing. I am a musician, and I have been considering teaching him an instrument so we can play music together, which I think would be good for him.

Also, I am planning to find my own place to live soon, and I have been thinking of asking my brother to move in with me. I think it might be easier for him to live in a less crowded house. He also loves dogs, but our parents refuse to get another dog (our last dog passed a few years ago), and I will adopt a dog once I move out.

You are a good brother, I looked after my older brother, as much as possible, before we lost him, there is hope for humanity yet.

 

[Rodafina]

@phillip_jeffries,
Can your brother communicate through writing or typing?

Also, encouraging him to learn an instrument and sharing that process with him sounds like an awesome idea.

 

[Crossbreed]

No worries! I appreciate you and all of the other posters taking their time to help. Our mother and father are his legal guardians. We all live in the same house. He receives monthly social security disability payments, and while he does have his own bank account, my father takes care of it.

That means that he is (functionally) an ASD3. The co-morbid conditions that bring him to that severity level will require more than just dialogue. He (& your family) need professional direction.

It is comparable to managing a TBI.

 

[vergil96]

Meltdowns. They result in aggression or self-harm for many autistic people. And result from being overwhelmed and not being able to cope with the intensity of feelings or experiences. For me that happens mostly from sensory overwhelm. Sometimes a meltdown comes really fast out of nowhere. An alarm goes off in a shop and I need to run to the bathroom vomit while at the same time feeling very fight-or-flightey and unable to say anything beyond yes and no. There has to be a reason behind it either sensory or emotional, but you'd need to somehow find out what causes it. Writing seems like a good idea to me. There is more time to think and formulate thoughts.

 

[Cassielyn]

I have a 30-year-old autistic brother, and he's recently been exhibiting some alarming behavior. There were two incidents during the past few months in which broken drinking glasses were discovered in the kitchen, which I'd thought had simply fallen to the floor. Yesterday, my brother threw a mug against the wall, seemingly out of nowhere, breaking it. Could this be a cry for attention?

There was also an incident several months ago in which he punched himself in the head, which he admitted to my parents a day later.

He and I have a decent relationship, and I've been able to help him in the past with his depression, as I have my own issues with depression and anxiety. He does occasionally speak in a low voice, but he is largely non-verbal. I wish I could help him more, but it is difficult to know what is going through his head. I've let him know that I am always here to support him, and he does seem more comfortable opening up to me than with our parents.

How can I can convince him to come to me when he is going through a hard time? Also, is breaking things common among autistic adults? What is typically the reason for intentionally breaking things?

He needs treatment, a therapist and case-management.

 

[GrownupGirl]

I have Asperger's and I've smashed cups and hit myself plenty of times while all alone in my apartment when I've been severely triggered by something like at the beginning of the Covid pandemic, or when someone posts something nasty and negative about autistic people.

Could I have intermittent explosive disorder?

 

[Crossbreed]

Could I have intermittent explosive disorder?

Even Aspies can have anger management issues, but they are separate.

I have gone off on people because I (wrongly) thought they were insulting me or I misunderstood other situations. Now, I pause before I go nuclear on the real possibility that I could be misreading the situation. When it turns out that my first estimation was correct, that impulse has already been defused and I can address those wrongs in a more level-headed manner.

 

[trustinnerwisdom]

I have a 30-year-old autistic brother, and he's recently been exhibiting some alarming behavior. There were two incidents during the past few months in which broken drinking glasses were discovered in the kitchen, which I'd thought had simply fallen to the floor. Yesterday, my brother threw a mug against the wall, seemingly out of nowhere, breaking it. Could this be a cry for attention?

There was also an incident several months ago in which he punched himself in the head, which he admitted to my parents a day later.

He and I have a decent relationship, and I've been able to help him in the past with his depression, as I have my own issues with depression and anxiety. He does occasionally speak in a low voice, but he is largely non-verbal. I wish I could help him more, but it is difficult to know what is going through his head. I've let him know that I am always here to support him, and he does seem more comfortable opening up to me than with our parents.

How can I can convince him to come to me when he is going through a hard time? Also, is breaking things common among autistic adults? What is typically the reason for intentionally breaking things?

Thank you!

Breaking things is not specifically autistic adult behaviour(but because of an often NT society, it may happen more often). But the times I know about, it had with miscommunication, OCD, boredom, disappointment, mistrust, emotional release (incl anger) and/or traumas to do.
Even if autistic also can like a specific sound, like white noise or the clicking of a pen to soothe themself, I hope that a physical broken thing don’t fall into that category.

So we can all here keep guessing.