Autistic Brain

[Aet1985]

I was very concerned lately, is it possible we are more prone to emotional instability or anger? I ask because I had a huge meltdown with raising my voice, and going to my room scream crying into a pillow. I just don't know why I have issues with people, for example one Woman in work I feel she treats me differently, so I raised my voice to her saying excuse me in Spanish, and also said if you have a problem with me now is the time to say it. I see the other people in work and they seem fine, maybe it's just I had bad luck with women so I am cautious or read wrong? quick to get angry or feel a slight

 

[TBRS1]

For me, this is likely to happen because I am already under stress from something else.

I'm autistic, so I'm frequently experiencing things that stress me that don't seem to affect most others (at least, not to the same extent).

I would suspect that this is true of many other people as well.

 

[Jumpinbare]

Emotional instability is common among autistic people. Anger is an emotion, so yeah.

 

[Nervous Rex]

I can’t speak for everyone but I definitely have anger issues. Stupid little things can instantly trigger anger in me - things that “mature adults” should be able to brush off and forget about.

I try so hard to keep it bottled up and be a good person. I work every day at being polite, courteous, and compassionate.

So far, the best I can do is to tell myself, “Remember to be kind” before I leave the house, and then to try to pay attention to how I’m doing and try not react immediately. It helps a ton if my wife or some other high-emotional-iq person is with me because I can gauge their reaction and copy it.

I also found that my good nature and my anger are 99% correlated with how tired I am. If I am well-rested, it’s so easy for me to be the nicest person in the world. If I’m tired, I am short-tempered, snappy, and irritable.

So I work at it every day. I keep wondering, “When will being nice be natural for me?”

 

[Xinyta]

I really don't know how to explain my situation. I largely feel little about much of anything. Though, I'll have bursts of frustration or anger when I get overwhelmed. It seems to be anger at myself for not getting something or making a dumb move.

 

[Nervous Rex]

I really don't know how to explain my situation. I largely feel little about much of anything. Though, I'll have bursts of frustration or anger when I get overwhelmed. It seems to be anger at myself for not getting something or making a dumb move.

I think I get that. There are a lot of times where I act out a specific emotion without “feeling” it or being aware of it. It will go on until I notice that I’m acting out and stop to think about why.

I have often wondered about the tendency to “beat myself up.” I see a lot of comments and threads here about people doing that. I wonder if it’s an autistic tendency to place too much weight on negatives - mistakes, possible bad outcomes, etc. It sure would explain the anxiety that tends to be comorbid with autism.

 

[Jumpinbare]

.

So I work at it every day. I keep wondering, “When will being nice be natural for me?”

I don't believe being nice is ever natural. It's a learned behavior for everyone.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I was very concerned lately, is it possible we are more prone to emotional instability or anger? I ask because I had a huge meltdown with raising my voice, and going to my room scream crying into a pillow. I just don't know why I have issues with people, for example one Woman in work I feel she treats me differently, so I raised my voice to her saying excuse me in Spanish, and also said if you have a problem with me now is the time to say it. I see the other people in work and they seem fine, maybe it's just I had bad luck with women so I am cautious or read wrong? quick to get angry or feel a slight

You're tackling a few different, but related topics here, so let's address them individually.

1. Are "WE" more prone to emotional instability and anger? Depends upon your specific autism variant and co-morbidities. For someone like myself, with alexithymia, my emotional expression when I was a child and teenager, was 100% on or off. I didn't regulate the expression well, people would pause and stare, it was embarrassing, and as a result, emotional expression became a very negative thing for me. I learned to push down emotion. I feel them deeply on the inside, but on the outside, I am very Stoic and often do not outwardly react. This actually helps me in the professional world where emotional expression will often lead to a loss of respect, logical thinking, and even physical dexterity. I developed a more tempered and logical response to situations, and this requires a high degree of self-discipline and control. Adapt and overcome. Some people here can relate to that.

Others here are more expressive and operate with more fear, anxiety, insecurity, and emotional stress. It's very difficult to remain emotionally grounded and "stable" under those circumstances. They often find themselves being emotionally "triggered" by all sorts of things. For someone like myself, those unpredictable emotional reactions are chaos, I get quite anxious, and want to leave the situation as quickly as possible. It's literally a "repulsive" response when I am around emotional people, not because of them, per se, but because my brain doesn't know how to process it. So, the short answer is that "WE" are not more prone to emotional instability and anger, but rather, some are and some are not.

2. Raising your voice. This is your emotions getting out of control. Also, we have these things called "mirror neurons" and the other person will instinctually match your energy, leading to "aggressive negotiations". Now, if you see someone NOT matching your energy, be careful. They are consciously pushing down that reaction. They are feeling it. Push a little harder on your part and this other person will explode and unleash Hell upon you. It's up to you to push down your own emotional state, speak softly, clearly, and logically, and address the issue. Self-discipline and control. It's a conscious effort. People respect others who are in control of themselves and can handle potentially volatile situations with grace, confidence, and control.

3. Men's brains vs women's brains. OK. I don't know how many books have been written on this topic but probably enough to fill a warehouse at Amazon. Is there a such thing as "gender fluidity" with respect to the brain's anatomy and functioning? Yes. So, when people speak on this topic, they are speaking in terms of the two extremes on the bell curve, where differences are quite obvious and measurable. Without getting into all this, let's just say that it's common for men and women to miscommunicate and misunderstand each other. When in doubt, calmly and respectfully ask clarifying questions. Have a sense of humility and humor about it. Self-discipline and control.

4. Reading things wrong? Welcome to autism 101. Poor skills at reading non-verbal language, voice modulation, and facial micro expressions. Prefrontal cortex issues. Now, knowing this, it is often up to you again, to calmly and respectfully ask clarifying questions. Have a sense of humility and humor about it. Self-discipline and control.