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Autistic Dad with Autistic kid

ucrenegade

ucrenegade

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I find many books on neurotypical parents having autistic kids but I am finding that being autistic and trying to deal with a autistic kid is 10 thousand times harder. It seems it would be easy knowing the struggles but are autisms are both Asperger's but completely different in 95 percent of aspects.
 
ucrenegade said:
I find many books on neurotypical parents having autistic kids but I am finding that being autistic and trying to deal with a autistic kid is 10 thousand times harder. It seems it would be easy knowing the struggles but are autisms are both Asperger's but completely different in 95 percent of aspects.
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Yes, a neurotypical with some degree of cognitive empathy would be able to imagine how easy it would be to have a "common bond", be able to relate to what it is to be autistic, and therefore make it easier....and they would be wrong. The degree of neurodiversity between one autistic and another is well-known. Although there are a few of us that appear to be almost psychic with their abilities to read people, the vast majority of us are quite the opposite with a clear case of "mind blindness" (cognitive empathy) that can leave us quite socially disadvantaged.

My wife is "borderline" autistic and neurotypical (AQ score 27), but my two boys score between 15 and 20. My wife has the gift of being able to communicate with all of us,...but I have always been unable to connect with my children. As you have experienced, if my boys were on the spectrum, it would clearly make things worse.
 
Neonatal RRT said:
Yes, a neurotypical with some degree of cognitive empathy would be able to imagine how easy it would be to have a "common bond", be able to relate to what it is to be autistic, and therefore make it easier....and they would be wrong. The degree of neurodiversity between one autistic and another is well-known. Although there are a few of us that appear to be almost psychic with their abilities to read people, the vast majority of us are quite the opposite with a clear case of "mind blindness" (cognitive empathy) that can leave us quite socially disadvantaged.

My wife is "borderline" autistic and neurotypical (AQ score 27), but my two boys score between 15 and 20. My wife has the gift of being able to communicate with all of us,...but I have always been unable to connect with my children. As you have experienced, if my boys were on the spectrum, it would clearly make things worse.
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I am Borderline Autistic as well, with an AQ score of 25. I never thought I had Autism, but a recent specialist diagnosed it in me. He could be wrong or right, as I have mixed feelings there as our two children definitely have ASD, with all of the core issues. and their firm diagnoses by several doctors there, but I grew up thinking for me it was just severe Social Phobia and AvPD and perfectionism with regards to being really detailed, organized, and analytical, with a hyperfocus on people and behaviors.

I am similar to your wife, and seem to have little problem communication with, handling, reading and understanding different people, regardless of conditions or not. My wife who has an AQ score of 32, but with ADHD as the diagnosis, is the opposite of me. She cannot pick up nonverbal clues well, nor tailor her actions based on the situation or person. So, I agree with the op too, with the suggestion that those with higher AQ scores could have more difficulties with understanding Autistics, much less others, and/or in behaving in ways NTs would expect towards these others.
 
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ucrenegade said:
I find many books on neurotypical parents having autistic kids but I am finding that being autistic and trying to deal with a autistic kid is 10 thousand times harder. It seems it would be easy knowing the struggles but are autisms are both Asperger's but completely different in 95 percent of aspects.
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The last chapter of An Adult with an Autism Diagnosis discusses the topic of parenting on the spectrum, but I haven't yet read a full length book on the topic (and I'll keep my eyes out!).

With autistic parents, the demands of a child, and especially a young child can definitely be very taxing since the unpredictability isn't something that we're naturally good at dealing with.

With being an autistic parent to an autistic child, yes, I wouldn't disagree that it becomes far more greater, and especially when compared to NT parent / ND child.

Conflicting needs can in some cases lead to mutual respect and understanding, or in great frustration. From stories I've read, it seems that where there are understanding partners (spouse, other children or family members) who can help read situations and help out, that things work best.

I think for general readings, perhaps stuff on conflicting needs and disabilities may be helpful, since that is the root of the issue.

All the best to you.
 
My parents raised 4 Aspie kids the biggest issue with us, was we were all even the other two brighter than most typical families. They cut us lot of slack we looked after each other. Broke many rules when it come to education.
 
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