This can be harder to work out the differences than one might think, because both autism and allism are spectrums within themselves where certain traits of both merge into each other to confuse things.
Let me explain from my own life which went on some 50 odd years before I found out. (Why are they odd years and not even years? Or odd and even years?)...
Anyway! I didn't even know what autism was until around 5 to 6 years before I was assessed, but I did notice puzzling things about my life, especially when in school, as somehow, no matter how hard I tried or how much effort I put in to try and make friends, I was never popular and would be lucky to end up with any friends, let alone many like some kiddies did! I could never fathom this out! I was not smelly like some of the families kids from "Factory Road"...The place where the council put the down and out families in the concrete houses, the theory being that whatever they did to them houses the houses would remain standing! It was also away from the main village so they could live their lives without being a problem foe anyone else. BUT, no disrespect to them, as I rather liked those kids and got on with them, but some of them smelled, ad I didn't smell like that. But the other kids treated me like they treated them.
And I wasn't thick as I had a higher than average I.Q., so I knew it wasn't that as to why I didn't seem to fit in. I spent years trying to fathom this out! Why was I normally the last to be picked when playing games of football when I actually was a pretty good player compared to many? OK, if it came to rugby as I was scared of that game. If I was picked last I jolly well understood why! But football? Why?
And when I was "Supposed" to borrow peoples books to copy up, was I rarely ever able to get anyone willing to lend me their books? Yet other kids were offered all the time if they had to copy up. Why? I always gave them back the next day. Why was I considered to be alienated by the class?
I couldn't work it out.
I remember when about the age of 8 or 9, where I was trying to work it out, and knowing I was doing something which at the time I did not know was called "Masking", though I knew I was jolly well doing it to try and fit in, and I reasoned to myself while watching and observing the more popular kid in the class, that somehow he "Must be" masking and must be so much better at it than I was. In my mind, he must have been an "Expert", so from that point on I made more of an effort to mask, not to say I wasn't doing it aleady!
So when I was around 13 and 14 onwards, I developed Supermasking, which was acting thick with a hidden sense of humour as it allowed me to connect. Kids actually wanted to ask me things to hear my silly replies so they could laugh at me, but for me, by doing this I had connection. The thing I really craved all my life!
But for the early years after finding out about autism seven and a half years ago onwards before I was assessed a year ago, I assumed I was in the middle of being autistic compared to being non-autistic, as my intelligence over-rode the parts where I lacked fitting in. I learned in life to live round the frienges and to come in to work where I had to connect, but then go home into my own world, unmask and be "Myself". (Once had a work colleague who came up to pay a visit as I had agreed to fix his sons bike, and he saw me when I was at home on my day off in my unmasked state. I think I was too tired to mask. Then the next time I saw him while in work, he said "You are a completely different person in work to how you are at home!" I was puzzled what he meant. I had to think about it! When I later found out about autism, and found out that "Masking" had a name, I recalled that event along with school, and the pieces started to fit in!
But that is my history, or some of it told to give a background to this thread. Sure, I knew I was different, but so was my upbringing, so I associated my differences with my very different way of life. Actually many others who were themselves autistic also tended to live in country dwellings on their own. Smallholdings, small farms or countryside cottages... Wherever they could live outside of society to get some peace! So my autistic Mum (Who has never been diagnosed) and I know my Dad had some autistic traits as I now realize his tempers that would happen with sudden unexpected decision changes were meltdowns. It all makes sense! So my different way of life was normal to me so I blamed my differences on that not realizing it was autism in the family that created the different way of life in the first place!
BUT now what puzzles me, are the ones who are allistic. The non-autistic ones! As I have spent a lifetime watching them as they are people like you and I who also go through tough times. Those who assume NT's have it easy have not studied NT's! Yes, I agree they have life easi"er", but some of the mess they get into because they are NT's and I do not always agree!
True, many aspects they do not see or experience that I do in daily life, and some of us have it more difficult than others. But think of it this way. We may not always realize our disabilities until we surround ourselves with those who do not have disabilities, and then the issues become apparent.
Also, when life crashes down on us such as the times I hit burnout/breakdown and have not yet fully recovered... (I really want to recover but it has been 5 years and I want to be "Fixed" ¡!¡ (I want to be fixed so I can do things again without it being an issue... At present it can be a long wait to prepare my mind so it is ready to do things as I can't just decide to do things and suddenly do them. If I tried to suddenly do them I would get a shutdown and be in a "Recovery daze" for the rest of the day! Sure, I had shutdowns before as had many of the them! But I coped better and didn't feel fragile and unable to think...
And this is important for ALL people out there who are on the spectrum or not.
PROTECT YOUR MIND! IT IS IMPORTANT TO TAKE BREAKS. TO HAVE DAYS OFF FOR REST. DO NOT PUSH YOURSELF TOO FAR! TAKE BREAKS!
And yes, I apologize my writings are mainly describing self from my experience, but several years ago I thought I wasn't autistic because I did not realize what autism was.
But I am writing also to try to compare what allistic peoples struggles are compared to autistic peoples struggles. As they get themselves into so many situations where I would say "I told you so!" (Which doesn't help but some I did tell before they messed up!)
But seriously! What is it like to be allistic? To be without autism? I can honestly not really comprehend it! All I can think of is I would be obliged to go to pubs, clubs and noisy crowded places like that and spend weeks recovering afterwards, as I can't comprehend doing that without it needing recovery afterwards!
Maybe I am answering my own questions? I do not drink. I feel drunk enough in a partial shutdown let alone even thinking about the concept of being drunk at the same time! I can't imagine surviving both! And I pass out if throw up, so how can one drink too much? Would be a horrible experience and not a nice one! I just don't get how people can drink! Feel sorry for them! Their lives must be awful to end up addicted to those bad experiences!
NT's really do have it bad!.....
Let me explain from my own life which went on some 50 odd years before I found out. (Why are they odd years and not even years? Or odd and even years?)...
Anyway! I didn't even know what autism was until around 5 to 6 years before I was assessed, but I did notice puzzling things about my life, especially when in school, as somehow, no matter how hard I tried or how much effort I put in to try and make friends, I was never popular and would be lucky to end up with any friends, let alone many like some kiddies did! I could never fathom this out! I was not smelly like some of the families kids from "Factory Road"...The place where the council put the down and out families in the concrete houses, the theory being that whatever they did to them houses the houses would remain standing! It was also away from the main village so they could live their lives without being a problem foe anyone else. BUT, no disrespect to them, as I rather liked those kids and got on with them, but some of them smelled, ad I didn't smell like that. But the other kids treated me like they treated them.
And I wasn't thick as I had a higher than average I.Q., so I knew it wasn't that as to why I didn't seem to fit in. I spent years trying to fathom this out! Why was I normally the last to be picked when playing games of football when I actually was a pretty good player compared to many? OK, if it came to rugby as I was scared of that game. If I was picked last I jolly well understood why! But football? Why?
And when I was "Supposed" to borrow peoples books to copy up, was I rarely ever able to get anyone willing to lend me their books? Yet other kids were offered all the time if they had to copy up. Why? I always gave them back the next day. Why was I considered to be alienated by the class?
I couldn't work it out.
I remember when about the age of 8 or 9, where I was trying to work it out, and knowing I was doing something which at the time I did not know was called "Masking", though I knew I was jolly well doing it to try and fit in, and I reasoned to myself while watching and observing the more popular kid in the class, that somehow he "Must be" masking and must be so much better at it than I was. In my mind, he must have been an "Expert", so from that point on I made more of an effort to mask, not to say I wasn't doing it aleady!
So when I was around 13 and 14 onwards, I developed Supermasking, which was acting thick with a hidden sense of humour as it allowed me to connect. Kids actually wanted to ask me things to hear my silly replies so they could laugh at me, but for me, by doing this I had connection. The thing I really craved all my life!
But for the early years after finding out about autism seven and a half years ago onwards before I was assessed a year ago, I assumed I was in the middle of being autistic compared to being non-autistic, as my intelligence over-rode the parts where I lacked fitting in. I learned in life to live round the frienges and to come in to work where I had to connect, but then go home into my own world, unmask and be "Myself". (Once had a work colleague who came up to pay a visit as I had agreed to fix his sons bike, and he saw me when I was at home on my day off in my unmasked state. I think I was too tired to mask. Then the next time I saw him while in work, he said "You are a completely different person in work to how you are at home!" I was puzzled what he meant. I had to think about it! When I later found out about autism, and found out that "Masking" had a name, I recalled that event along with school, and the pieces started to fit in!
But that is my history, or some of it told to give a background to this thread. Sure, I knew I was different, but so was my upbringing, so I associated my differences with my very different way of life. Actually many others who were themselves autistic also tended to live in country dwellings on their own. Smallholdings, small farms or countryside cottages... Wherever they could live outside of society to get some peace! So my autistic Mum (Who has never been diagnosed) and I know my Dad had some autistic traits as I now realize his tempers that would happen with sudden unexpected decision changes were meltdowns. It all makes sense! So my different way of life was normal to me so I blamed my differences on that not realizing it was autism in the family that created the different way of life in the first place!
BUT now what puzzles me, are the ones who are allistic. The non-autistic ones! As I have spent a lifetime watching them as they are people like you and I who also go through tough times. Those who assume NT's have it easy have not studied NT's! Yes, I agree they have life easi"er", but some of the mess they get into because they are NT's and I do not always agree!
True, many aspects they do not see or experience that I do in daily life, and some of us have it more difficult than others. But think of it this way. We may not always realize our disabilities until we surround ourselves with those who do not have disabilities, and then the issues become apparent.
Also, when life crashes down on us such as the times I hit burnout/breakdown and have not yet fully recovered... (I really want to recover but it has been 5 years and I want to be "Fixed" ¡!¡ (I want to be fixed so I can do things again without it being an issue... At present it can be a long wait to prepare my mind so it is ready to do things as I can't just decide to do things and suddenly do them. If I tried to suddenly do them I would get a shutdown and be in a "Recovery daze" for the rest of the day! Sure, I had shutdowns before as had many of the them! But I coped better and didn't feel fragile and unable to think...
And this is important for ALL people out there who are on the spectrum or not.
PROTECT YOUR MIND! IT IS IMPORTANT TO TAKE BREAKS. TO HAVE DAYS OFF FOR REST. DO NOT PUSH YOURSELF TOO FAR! TAKE BREAKS!
And yes, I apologize my writings are mainly describing self from my experience, but several years ago I thought I wasn't autistic because I did not realize what autism was.
But I am writing also to try to compare what allistic peoples struggles are compared to autistic peoples struggles. As they get themselves into so many situations where I would say "I told you so!" (Which doesn't help but some I did tell before they messed up!)
But seriously! What is it like to be allistic? To be without autism? I can honestly not really comprehend it! All I can think of is I would be obliged to go to pubs, clubs and noisy crowded places like that and spend weeks recovering afterwards, as I can't comprehend doing that without it needing recovery afterwards!
Maybe I am answering my own questions? I do not drink. I feel drunk enough in a partial shutdown let alone even thinking about the concept of being drunk at the same time! I can't imagine surviving both! And I pass out if throw up, so how can one drink too much? Would be a horrible experience and not a nice one! I just don't get how people can drink! Feel sorry for them! Their lives must be awful to end up addicted to those bad experiences!
NT's really do have it bad!.....
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