Autistic Romance

[Brooke_08]

Hello everyone! I'm a neuro-typical writer. And I am writing a story with an autistic main character. I thought I'd come on here for any questions I have representation-wise. For this story, the representation is going to be very make-or-break. I am willing to work my absolute hardest to get answers. Anywho, first question:

The male love interest shows her some ASL signs she can use when she is overstimulated and can't speak. She experiences more shutdowns than meltdowns (although meltdowns do still happen). Here's the basic interaction:

"Are you okay?" He asked.
"No." She signed while shaking her head. "I'm overstimulated. And I can't talk. Everything's loud and everything hurts."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Do you want me to leave you alone?"
"...No. Please sit here and do nothing."

This is where she is in the beginning stages of catching feelings. The point is, would there ever be a situation where someone's presence would be more helpful than harmful? I looked on Google and saw that during a shutdown people often want to be left alone. But, would that be any different if it was with someone one feels safe and comfortable with? One of the big points of the story is her unmasking. But she never feels the need to mask around him.

Sorry for the long thread, but I'd love to hear your answers!

 

[Cryptid]

I may be projecting some of myself into your story, but here goes . . .

There are two opposing dynamics at play within the female character -- the desire to love and be loved, and the desire for people (including her boyfriend) to just leave her alone because they impose all forms of sensory overload.

From my own perspective, I want friends. Good friends. Happy friends. The kinds of friends who accept me as I am without trying to "fix" me.

I also want solitude. Dim lighting. Soft sounds (i.e., cat purring, fan whirring, et cetera). Natural aromas (i.e., lilacs in bloom, pine needles, et cetera)

As for the male character, he is likely neurotypical. From his perspective, he may see only two modes to her conscious behavior: Calm attention to her special interests, and Frantic efforts to escape whatever is driving her toward a meltdown.

If he is also hearing-impaired, the socially invisible nature of such people may be the link that binds them together.

I rarely "unmask", even around my wife and kids. They know I don't like surprises, loud noises, strong smells, and being touched by strangers. They know I am technically inclined in my interests, and that I tend to take the literal meaning of what they say. AFAIK, they have not reached a proper "diagnosis", but only consider me as eccentric* and somewhat emotionally sensitive.

(*-Strangers and people who don't know me well consider me "weird", but generally harmless.)

I hope this helps.

 

[Brooke_08]

Thank you very much. How about I change it to this?

"Oh, I'm sorry. Do you want me to leave you alone."
(She doesn't expect him to actually listen, because most people don't)
"...Yes, please."
He then leaves.

That way it's less about feeling safe and more about respecting her boundaries.

 

[Tom]

'I'm sorry but it's best you just leave me alone for a while' (So as not to offend them or embarrass themselves. And will not mention that on the other hand they will seek the companionship of the dog (or cat).