Avoiding going to places because certain persons ostracized me there.

[Tony Ramirez]

Let me explain. First at my old church my former friend Justin just ostracized me for no reason after he uninvited me to his retreat. I also had a misunderstanding with Madison that was a textationship. But I meet her randomly on the street and we talked so we are okay. But otherwise that was why I stopped going to my old church.

My yoga studio I use to go to a Tuesday evening class at 6 pm which was tougher and I liked it because it made it that I was not late for my life group st 7:30 pm as the later class started later and kept being pushed up. It was fine the first time I took it with just two women one kind of nice.

Then I took a Sunday morning class with no one saying anything especially this talk attractive women who ignored me and everyone but I did not think of it at all. I thought I would never see her again.

Then I took the following Tuesday class and it was only me and the tall attractive women. She did nothing to acknowledge I existed. Even when I accidentally bumped into her she said nothing or apologize even though I apologize back to her. What really bothered me was after class when she asked the teacher about a pose and I had a similar difficulty she said nothing to me but only the teacher talked back to me. She then only said bye to the teacher.

The last class I took with her was two Sundays ago with other women and I said never again. I then looked twice and today on the registration and saw me and another student registered and cancelled last week and this not talking s chance it's her.

I even been avoiding Roots for a while because of this depression of these women including Madison lack of hanging out with me but it was mainly my negativity that bought me down. Yes women still don't strike up conversation there except for the staff but I see more of them give me a smile back now which I smile back.

 

[Aspychata]

When l go out, coffee shop, yoga, ballet class, bookstore, l do not expect men to talk to me, or acknowledge me. This is how society operates. In fact when men start talking to me, little alarm bells start ringing, and l go straight to deflect, distract, and leave. We as woman don't expect random conversations with random people. I am trying to understand why you feel woman should always talk to you like in yoga. Some woman aren't friendly, due to their reasons, they aren't friendly to anybody. It has nothing to do with you personally. I hope this makes sense.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I should have clarified it better, it's not about someone talking to me. It about avoiding somewhere because of not liking someone.

 

[MNAus]

The current understanding is that people on the spectrum might experience negative emotions more keenly than NTs. With that in mind I would guess certain locations or other inputs might trigger the reexperiencing of a negative event. So if you felt shame or something at a venue, going back there might have those feelings resurface. And if you experience such things quite keenly that might be something you'd be looking to avoid.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I thought the entire face your fear philosophy was a thing? But does that only apply to NT's and not ND's ASD?

 

[saturnv]

It is but I think you want to do it in manageable amounts that you can grow from. If you have a terrible time, it can be a setback.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Let me explain. First at my old church my former friend Justin just ostracized me for no reason after he uninvited me to his retreat. I also had a misunderstanding with Madison that was a textationship. But I meet her randomly on the street and we talked so we are okay. But otherwise that was why I stopped going to my old church.

My yoga studio I use to go to a Tuesday evening class at 6 pm which was tougher and I liked it because it made it that I was not late for my life group st 7:30 pm as the later class started later and kept being pushed up. It was fine the first time I took it with just two women one kind of nice.

Then I took a Sunday morning class with no one saying anything especially this talk attractive women who ignored me and everyone but I did not think of it at all. I thought I would never see her again.

Then I took the following Tuesday class and it was only me and the tall attractive women. She did nothing to acknowledge I existed. Even when I accidentally bumped into her she said nothing or apologize even though I apologize back to her. What really bothered me was after class when she asked the teacher about a pose and I had a similar difficulty she said nothing to me but only the teacher talked back to me. She then only said bye to the teacher.

The last class I took with her was two Sundays ago with other women and I said never again. I then looked twice and today on the registration and saw me and another student registered and cancelled last week and this not talking s chance it's her.

I even been avoiding Roots for a while because of this depression of these women including Madison lack of hanging out with me but it was mainly my negativity that bought me down. Yes women still don't strike up conversation there except for the staff but I see more of them give me a smile back now which I smile back.

Just for perspective and context here, I have worked in one of the largest neonatal intensive care units in the world for the better part of 40 years. As one would imagine, a huge staff of hundreds of nurses, 95% of them female. I am one of their educators, I work along side them, I am often their "big brother" teasing them, I am sometimes their "listening post" when they have relationship questions about their male partners. In other words, we have a good working relationship. I can honestly say I've been "swimming in the estrogen ocean" for decades. Now, having said that, women, in general, can be rather apprehensive and cautious around men they don't know. Statistically speaking, men are a greater threat to their lives and their children than just about anything. Selecting a life partner requires a lot of thought, and it should. So, in order for the typical woman to open up to you, they first need to have this sense of "safety", whatever that is for them. It might start out with some light, friendly humor, some small talk, being present and available, but without being assertive or "aggressive". Share, but don't overshare. It's a bit of a psychological dance.

As far as people "not liking you", all I can suggest is that many people get a bit too much into their own thoughts regarding this. When I say this, I am suggesting here that other people don't think of us as much as we think they do. They are far more concerned with themselves than they are of others. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing in this situation, but if someone cut off a friendly relationship, chances are they aren't thinking about you. When you show up to yoga, church, or wherever, they aren't overwhelmed with thoughts of you. Rather, they might be ignoring you. So, go right ahead and do whatever you want and enjoy. To be blunt, they don't care. If they are neurotypical, they might not have difficulties with making new friends. We have difficulties with making friends, so it can be rather painful and something to dwell upon when we lose friends. A neurotypical might not ruminate about such things, but simply move on, considering they likely have a large group of friends to fall back upon.

Unless these other people are reacting to YOU being a jerk to them for some reason, they are not going to engage in this gossip to undermine your reputation like some middle-school kid. For the most part, if you are dealing with grown, mature adults, if they don't want to talk to you, they won't, and will likely just move on.

Moving on is what you should do. Not to be rude here, but more practical and philosophical, "Sometimes it's not about you." Our tendency to ruminate about things is highly destructive behavior and often distorts the reality of the situation.