This is a tricky one to explain. Sorry it's so long...
I'm on the spectrum and was married to aspie husband, which ended in 2012. We have an aspie son. Since the marriage ended, I've dated a few people and have finally found someone really special.
I'd introduced one previous partner to my son since marriage ended (let's call him Mr P) and one night Mr P had stayed over. Despite discussing it with my son, and son agreeing it was ok, it upset son quite a bit. I regretted doing that, especially when the relationship later ended. (It upsets my aspie son a lot, to have too much change in his life.) But it was my mistake and I have to live with it, and make sure I do the best to protect my son now.
Now...
New partner, of around a year, (let's call him Mr H) is quite sensitive about past partners, so I try not to ever mention them. (In fact, I don't like talking about my past partners, as I feel it's irrelevant and discourteous to all concerned.) But I'm never quite sure what I can and can't say to him, about my previous life. (Aspie 'honesty' means I want to fully disclose, but don't really understand what I can/can't say.) So I never told him that Mr P had stayed over (to my recollection). Mr H must have assumed that Mr P never stayed over, and I really don't remember us discussing it in depth. If we did, and I said he hadn't stayed over, then I've completely forgotten it.
So...
Recently, aspie son got upset about me having Mr H in my life. And I told Mr H about son being upset, and said we needed to manage that carefully. But I also mentioned that Mr P had stayed over once before.
Mr H is now devastated that I 'lied' to him, and says our relationship isn't special - he isn't the first to be in my and my son's life, in that way. But I don't remember the conversation between Mr H and myself. I'm sure I wouldn't have said specifically that Mr P never stayed over - because it's not my nature to tell out-and-out lies.
Mr H feels betrayed. He'd assumed he was the most important person in my life, in the last few years. But I genuinely don't remember us having talked about this previous partner (Mr P). I have a vague memory that I may have omitted details about past relationships - to spare Mr H's feelings - but not this exact example.
Am I going mad? Is this kind of memory loss common? Or am I just being stupid?
I really want to fix things between us (everything else is so great) but have no idea how to explain that I actually don't remember having discussed it. It will sound lame, and like a lie. So I've just 'shutdown' and said I can't talk about it.
These things make me start thinking that I'm not fit for relationships. I don't get the rules. I don't get what I can/can't say. I don't understand how people can be so different - different rules for each partner. It makes me want to just be on my own. But I love this new partner deeply, and he's a wonderful man.
Any thoughts appreciated. But please be kind - I'm genuine and very upset.
I'm on the spectrum and was married to aspie husband, which ended in 2012. We have an aspie son. Since the marriage ended, I've dated a few people and have finally found someone really special.
I'd introduced one previous partner to my son since marriage ended (let's call him Mr P) and one night Mr P had stayed over. Despite discussing it with my son, and son agreeing it was ok, it upset son quite a bit. I regretted doing that, especially when the relationship later ended. (It upsets my aspie son a lot, to have too much change in his life.) But it was my mistake and I have to live with it, and make sure I do the best to protect my son now.
Now...
New partner, of around a year, (let's call him Mr H) is quite sensitive about past partners, so I try not to ever mention them. (In fact, I don't like talking about my past partners, as I feel it's irrelevant and discourteous to all concerned.) But I'm never quite sure what I can and can't say to him, about my previous life. (Aspie 'honesty' means I want to fully disclose, but don't really understand what I can/can't say.) So I never told him that Mr P had stayed over (to my recollection). Mr H must have assumed that Mr P never stayed over, and I really don't remember us discussing it in depth. If we did, and I said he hadn't stayed over, then I've completely forgotten it.
So...
Recently, aspie son got upset about me having Mr H in my life. And I told Mr H about son being upset, and said we needed to manage that carefully. But I also mentioned that Mr P had stayed over once before.
Mr H is now devastated that I 'lied' to him, and says our relationship isn't special - he isn't the first to be in my and my son's life, in that way. But I don't remember the conversation between Mr H and myself. I'm sure I wouldn't have said specifically that Mr P never stayed over - because it's not my nature to tell out-and-out lies.
Mr H feels betrayed. He'd assumed he was the most important person in my life, in the last few years. But I genuinely don't remember us having talked about this previous partner (Mr P). I have a vague memory that I may have omitted details about past relationships - to spare Mr H's feelings - but not this exact example.
Am I going mad? Is this kind of memory loss common? Or am I just being stupid?
I really want to fix things between us (everything else is so great) but have no idea how to explain that I actually don't remember having discussed it. It will sound lame, and like a lie. So I've just 'shutdown' and said I can't talk about it.
These things make me start thinking that I'm not fit for relationships. I don't get the rules. I don't get what I can/can't say. I don't understand how people can be so different - different rules for each partner. It makes me want to just be on my own. But I love this new partner deeply, and he's a wonderful man.
Any thoughts appreciated. But please be kind - I'm genuine and very upset.
