Becoming less interested in spending time with people

[Brandon W]

I used to be very socially active and arrange weekly events with friends such as Friday board games night. I have always had high levels of anxiety during social outings but I've found that this has increased as I have gotten older and got married. Now I prefer to spend my time either alone or with my wife. Before I had my diagnosis, I didn't really understand why I have trouble spreading my focus between, work, my marriage, and maintaining a social life. I have found that it requires too much mental energy to maintain all 3 simultaneously.

Wondering if anyone has had a simliar experience?

 

[Slime_Punk]

Yeah, I don't even understand how people have legitimate social lives. Just between my wife and our families, my cup is usually pretty full all the time, just because it requires so much effort to keep up with even a handful of social obligations and relationships over the long-haul.

Plus, being drained after prolonged social events can really leave you needing to decompress and recuperate. Even that part can take hours (if not days, depending on the circumstance), at least for me.

 

[Neri]

Yeah, I don't even understand how people have legitimate social lives. Just between my wife and our families, my cup is usually pretty full all the time, just because it requires so much effort to keep up with even a handful of social obligations and relationships over the long-haul.

Plus, being drained after prolonged social events can really leave you needing to decompress and recuperate. Even that part can take hours (if not days, depending on the circumstance), at least for me.

I can totally relate to this.

 

[The Pandector]

I used to be very socially active and arrange weekly events with friends such as Friday board games night. I have always had high levels of anxiety during social outings but I've found that this has increased as I have gotten older and got married. Now I prefer to spend my time either alone or with my wife. Before I had my diagnosis, I didn't really understand why I have trouble spreading my focus between, work, my marriage, and maintaining a social life. I have found that it requires too much mental energy to maintain all 3 simultaneously.

Wondering if anyone has had a simliar experience?

I can’t relate to ever having an active social life; never had one, never wanted one. Family, a few associates at work, maybe a friend or two was more than I needed. So, I can’t relate to slowing down at your age.

Still undiagnosed as I aged, I definitely lost tolerance for social anxiety. Humans lose vitality with age anyway, but the tremendous burden of masking becomes more unbearable as our general resources get stretched thinner and thinner. Again, true for humans but especially for spectrumites.

I’ve wondered how a diagnosed autist might mature differently if they knew what they were dealing with. But from this end, it looks like an unavoidable loss of social stamina.

 

[Ken]

I used to be very socially active and arrange weekly events with friends such as Friday board games night. I have always had high levels of anxiety during social outings but I've found that this has increased as I have gotten older and got married. Now I prefer to spend my time either alone or with my wife. Before I had my diagnosis, I didn't really understand why I have trouble spreading my focus between, work, my marriage, and maintaining a social life. I have found that it requires too much mental energy to maintain all 3 simultaneously.

Wondering if anyone has had a simliar experience?

Yea, but I think I lost my social tolerance sometime during my early toddler years or earlier - pre-memory. Actually, I don't think I ever had any social tolerance. I don't think my social anxiety has gotten worse with age. It has just always been overwhelming... since forever.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Yeah, I don't even understand how people have legitimate social lives. Just between my wife and our families, my cup is usually pretty full all the time, just because it requires so much effort to keep up with even a handful of social obligations and relationships over the long-haul.

Plus, being drained after prolonged social events can really leave you needing to decompress and recuperate. Even that part can take hours (if not days, depending on the circumstance), at least for me.

Because extroverts are energized by social interaction. They make time as part of their mental health. Whereas we tend to be 180* opposite.

 

[Kaz2012]

I agree. As I get older I need more alone time and less socialising. Worn out by too many years of masking and doing what was expected. Now I am living alone and since I don't really have many friends I have gotten used to mostly being on my own - and it does not bother me at all.

 

[Aspychata]

Ouch. This is difficult. I am happiest alone, however, it's not going to happen.

 

[Fino]

Yeah, I see friends just about every few months and even find that burdensome sometimes.

 

[SusanLR]

I never cared for socializing all of my life.
My parents and usually one friend at a time when I was younger.
It was all that I needed.

Now at my age and health issues, I find I really want to isolate.
It would really take a lot of energy now and looking back at what I used to do with friends, I don't have any desire for anymore.

 

[paloftoon]

Some people just love attention and the idea of socializing and have so much energy. For some of us, it might not be as sustainable. It's still good to get out, but it's totally okay to be more selective. You should only go to things where you can already go with people you're well connected with, or you can try an event once. If it isn't cliquing for you, that's okay, but it's also okay for you not to participate any more or to finish what you signed up and then quit and move on to something else or focus on your own life only. Not all social groups are worth it. They may be kind of toxic if you aren't in a certain circle already, and not worth it. Technology advancement and post-covid have only heightened a lack of quality empathy and socialization overall, sadly.

 

[Judge]

I used to be very socially active and arrange weekly events with friends such as Friday board games night. I have always had high levels of anxiety during social outings but I've found that this has increased as I have gotten older and got married. Now I prefer to spend my time either alone or with my wife. Before I had my diagnosis, I didn't really understand why I have trouble spreading my focus between, work, my marriage, and maintaining a social life. I have found that it requires too much mental energy to maintain all 3 simultaneously.

Wondering if anyone has had a simliar experience?

To me this actually sounds positive. That you recognize who and what you are, but "push yourself" nevertheless.

An attitude I once had, that has slowly eroded with old age. Though on rare occasion I will still try to "push" myself, just as a reminder that I'm still a member of the human race. ....I think.

Socialization for better or worse still takes a lot of energy. Sometimes more than we have at any given time.

 

[paloftoon]

Something that can help with enjoyment is to plan things out, and to do them only once in awhile. That way you're getting out, but not as much, and you know what to expect. If the circumstances don't allow you to plan, and that really bothers you, and if it's not something you have to do, then let so and so know that you are unable to make it and say you have other plans even if you don't. Maybe wait one hour before you say that as a response after you hear that nothing can be planned (or if you asked for a plan and are left hanging.)
If it's last minute, just saying you can't make it is enough.