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Becoming 'more' autistic...

Sass

Sass

Well-Known Member
So since my diagnosis I can feel a subtle, creeping shift in my soul. I am becoming the person I would have been much earlier had I known about and been able to accept at a younger age my aspie-ness.

I think it's alienating people too, and that makes me sad, but it makes me sad for those people, not for me. I can do without people who don't like the real me, the one I've been hiding for decades and placating with booze and promises, and probably flimsy premises designed to make me feel like a good little puzzle piece who doesn't rock the boat. I hate boats and I will rock the mother-hugger now, because I can and I should be able to.

Has anyone else diagnosed later in life had a similar feeling?
 
Yes, If I had known I would have done many things differently, and in a big way. I am glad that I found myself, and if people don't like me, well that's just fine. I don't strive to please anyone. Either come along for the ride, or get out of the way. I am excited to see what the rest of my life brings.
 
Sass said:
So since my diagnosis I can feel a subtle, creeping shift in my soul. I am becoming the person I would have been much earlier had I known about and been able to accept at a younger age my aspie-ness.

I think it's alienating people too, and that makes me sad, but it makes me sad for those people, not for me. I can do without people who don't like the real me, the one I've been hiding for decades and placating with booze and promises, and probably flimsy premises designed to make me feel like a good little puzzle piece who doesn't rock the boat. I hate boats and I will rock the mother-hugger now, because I can and I should be able to.

Has anyone else diagnosed later in life had a similar feeling?
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By the way, I like your Sassiness.
 
I've always been a bit of a 'boat rocker'...I pretty much sink the damn thing. My social skills have never been up to scratch and I've never apologized for being myself. Obviously I've never been popular. Lol :)
Since the whole asperger diagnosis, my family has been a LOT more accepting of what they call my 'craziness'.
 
I was only thinking about this last night, that I seem to be 'more' aspie than I was. As you say, maybe I am becoming more and more comfortable with who I am.

This, I believe, has led to more alienation from those around me as I don't put up with the things I used too. My friends are dwindling to the point they are facing extinction ;)

The first 50 years I was rarely alone as I went from one relationship to the next, instantly. Now I contemplate perhaps another 20 years being totally alone having clocked up 10 years already. Not sure how I feel about being justified and ancient!
 
I always had a slash and burn attitude with my surroundings. My interests led me to do thrill seeking amongst peers with similar interests. I mimicked my heroes because they got the focus I sought. One would suppose that it was posing,but it let me explore who I wanted to be,not what others expected of me.There was a quest for speed that drove me towards motorsports,the love of imagery for art and photography,,engineering because it was creative and financially rewarding and self-employment because it put me in control of my destiny. While I do not really consider myself an aspie,I now realize that I am one of the auties who got some pretty special gifts and lesser amounts of the trash involved with autism.Did I ever give a crap of what others thought of my quirks? Not really because my interests gave me my limelight moments where I got to be the star instead of just watching them shine. I have a zero tolerance for the goofy twisted "normal" world and have always had it. My views on the world are that us spectrum riders are the ones who provide the goods everyone enjoys and we actually make things happen instead of just settling for "oh well,that's the way it is and will always be" mundane way of life.To wrap this up,no,I did not change for anyone and never will...I am who I am and the rest are there to do my bidding
 
I find it hard to put this on my diagnosis only. A lot of stuff has changed within roughly 18 months building towards my initial diagnosis and I doubt those things didn't affect me at all. Perhaps these factors also made my diagnosis and my behavior look way, way worse than it in general is nowadays.

In a sense I can all give it a place now, including my diagnosis. It's not really the diagnosis that sets me off either I think. It's the change in life and lifestyle that just creates a few more issues for me... yet that change does come with my diagnosis for a part.
 
I think, because the way I did things for years never changed, and then I had a sudden epiphany and subsequent diagnosis, it means that I'm paying more attention.

I could say I've only lived as the true me and f*ck the consequences, but that wouldn't be true at all. I guess it's different for everyone, and is fluid anyway, what with time, environmental changes etc. Well done to all those who rocked the boat. I'm just catching up :)
 
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Sometimes I have regretted rocking the boat...I've sank with it a few times. There are moments when I've looked back and wished I'd tried to act more 'normal'. Then I shrug the thought off. I learn't how to swim in a very rough sea :)
 
Stacey said:
Sometimes I have regretted rocking the boat...I've sank with it a few times. There are moments when I've looked back and wished I'd tried to act more 'normal'. Then I shrug the thought off. I learn't how to swim in a very rough sea :)
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Well if you ever need a life jacket or an oxygen tank you know where we are :) (or you could be the little mermaid, but bad-ass, that would be awesome!)
 
Sass said:
Has anyone else diagnosed later in life had a similar feeling?
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I actually experienced this well before my diagnosis. After enduring years of bullying, I realized, once I started high school, that there's no point in hiding what kind of person I am. I came to understand that my definition of myself matters far more than others' definitions of me.

I still struggled, and continue to do so today, but that was a huge step forward.
 
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