aspieman2396
Well-Known Member
(This might be a long read)
Well, I don't know where to begin, I guess I will start at the part when she found out about my diagnosis when I was 4, she said something along the lines that she didn't want a "retarded child" and she talked badly about my Dad every time I was over at her place and she tried to make his life a living hell during the divorce proceedings. I used to think she was a nice person, she let me do whatever I want and she got me whatever I wanted. But when I was looking for affection from her, she would cruelly turn me away. I remember one time all I wanted to do was spend time with her and I made a mistake and she sent me back to my dad's house. Also there was a time that we were in a Taxi and I was being my usual self and she asked the driver to go to my house and she forcibly removed me from the cab, I remember feeling angry and sad at that. It's not to say that she was all bad, she showed affection to me and be involved, but oh well
There were also times I would tell her things and she would turn around and tell them to other people. She would violate my trust right after she told me that I could trust her. she sold me out and snitched on me several times. I told her about someone who was connected to her who was bullying me in middle school and she told my Dad in a fit of rage, and he got mad at me, that was one instance.
All that anger pent up inside me made me go wild and we sparred over that on a vacation in 08, then a couple of months later she left for Houston and left me behind, this was very arbitrary and hit me from out of nowhere. Now this was right before I entered a very bad Middle School. I had to deal with wannabe gangsters and mean kids, I couldn't count on her for escape anymore, that was the beginning of the deterioration of our relationship. She did return months later but I wasn't interested in what she had to say, I began to feel embarrassed at her.
And after years, we saw each other several times, one time I stayed with her for 3 weeks in another state during Summer of 2013, As much as I hate to admit, those 3 weeks were the best and iconic of my life because I got to relax from a stressful school year and understand her and we kind of reached a common ground but still not enough to supplement a recovery for our relationship.
We were good until a year later, I wanted to see her and my Dad wasn't really fond of the idea then he later changed his tune, then I called her to come and get me and she refused and basically insulted ME and my dad.
We kept contact on and off and she helped me out sometimes although she was out of the picture sometimes but I knew that it was all going to come to a halt . It all came to a tipping point last May when she called me all upset because she feels like she was entitled to a phone call from ME every week and also that the debt collectors kept calling me, she was giving me the impression that it was my fault and I couldn't handle it anymore, I got angry at her and hung up and that was it.... Aside from answering texts with one sentence in English and just words in English. I didn't speak to her for months on end, and I feel like it's for the better....
One thing I wished is that she learned how to speak ENGLISH, (I am Hispanic and she is too...) I think if we spoke English, I think I would've gotten my point across and we would've worked things out.... I speak fluent English more than Spanish and I speak in Broken Spanish, it's a shame, to me too...
Given all of these incidents, I still have a soft spot for her and I cried about how our relationship went to pot, I remember one time I was flicking through the channels on TV and I saw some program with some woman that looks like her teaching how to make a Father's Day card, that struck a cord with me and affected me profoundly. I still kind of feel a pain when I think about it. Then there was this time I was browsing google maps and I was looking at a place that I visited in my childhood is now just a field, I know this is going to sound stupid but I kind of had the same affect like the TV program but it hurt more and I ended up crying that night. The song Headlights by Eminem also gave me those same feelings.
I want to forgive her and maybe reconcile but right now I am not ready, I feel like it's going to take a long time because of how she did me dirty, Yes the past is the past but I have a hard time letting go, people I speak to are saying to me to fix the relationship and some predicted that we will work things out. But I don't feel ready yet, maybe in a few years after I settle on my own perhaps but not now. That's It.
Well, I don't know where to begin, I guess I will start at the part when she found out about my diagnosis when I was 4, she said something along the lines that she didn't want a "retarded child" and she talked badly about my Dad every time I was over at her place and she tried to make his life a living hell during the divorce proceedings. I used to think she was a nice person, she let me do whatever I want and she got me whatever I wanted. But when I was looking for affection from her, she would cruelly turn me away. I remember one time all I wanted to do was spend time with her and I made a mistake and she sent me back to my dad's house. Also there was a time that we were in a Taxi and I was being my usual self and she asked the driver to go to my house and she forcibly removed me from the cab, I remember feeling angry and sad at that. It's not to say that she was all bad, she showed affection to me and be involved, but oh well
There were also times I would tell her things and she would turn around and tell them to other people. She would violate my trust right after she told me that I could trust her. she sold me out and snitched on me several times. I told her about someone who was connected to her who was bullying me in middle school and she told my Dad in a fit of rage, and he got mad at me, that was one instance.
All that anger pent up inside me made me go wild and we sparred over that on a vacation in 08, then a couple of months later she left for Houston and left me behind, this was very arbitrary and hit me from out of nowhere. Now this was right before I entered a very bad Middle School. I had to deal with wannabe gangsters and mean kids, I couldn't count on her for escape anymore, that was the beginning of the deterioration of our relationship. She did return months later but I wasn't interested in what she had to say, I began to feel embarrassed at her.
And after years, we saw each other several times, one time I stayed with her for 3 weeks in another state during Summer of 2013, As much as I hate to admit, those 3 weeks were the best and iconic of my life because I got to relax from a stressful school year and understand her and we kind of reached a common ground but still not enough to supplement a recovery for our relationship.
We were good until a year later, I wanted to see her and my Dad wasn't really fond of the idea then he later changed his tune, then I called her to come and get me and she refused and basically insulted ME and my dad.
We kept contact on and off and she helped me out sometimes although she was out of the picture sometimes but I knew that it was all going to come to a halt . It all came to a tipping point last May when she called me all upset because she feels like she was entitled to a phone call from ME every week and also that the debt collectors kept calling me, she was giving me the impression that it was my fault and I couldn't handle it anymore, I got angry at her and hung up and that was it.... Aside from answering texts with one sentence in English and just words in English. I didn't speak to her for months on end, and I feel like it's for the better....
One thing I wished is that she learned how to speak ENGLISH, (I am Hispanic and she is too...) I think if we spoke English, I think I would've gotten my point across and we would've worked things out.... I speak fluent English more than Spanish and I speak in Broken Spanish, it's a shame, to me too...
Given all of these incidents, I still have a soft spot for her and I cried about how our relationship went to pot, I remember one time I was flicking through the channels on TV and I saw some program with some woman that looks like her teaching how to make a Father's Day card, that struck a cord with me and affected me profoundly. I still kind of feel a pain when I think about it. Then there was this time I was browsing google maps and I was looking at a place that I visited in my childhood is now just a field, I know this is going to sound stupid but I kind of had the same affect like the TV program but it hurt more and I ended up crying that night. The song Headlights by Eminem also gave me those same feelings.
I want to forgive her and maybe reconcile but right now I am not ready, I feel like it's going to take a long time because of how she did me dirty, Yes the past is the past but I have a hard time letting go, people I speak to are saying to me to fix the relationship and some predicted that we will work things out. But I don't feel ready yet, maybe in a few years after I settle on my own perhaps but not now. That's It.
