amatullahjr
Well-Known Member
I am a woman diagnosed with Aspergers in my 30's. I am lesbian. I am married for the second time. My first wife, of almost 8 years, and I divorced largely because we could not communicate. When there was a conflict her method of communication was to be very emotional and yell at me which I can't stand. I would withdraw to cool off so I wouldn't say anything hurtful. She would pursue me and misused her intelligence to say the most hurtful things. I am now remarried to a woman with 2 daughters. I enjoy children. However, I had no idea what I was getting into with 2 step daughters full time. We have been together for 4 years now. I get along better with the 8 year-old. The 11 year-old and I butt heads constantly. I don't understand why they have to constantly be reminded to do sensible things like wash their hands, flush the toilet after they poop, shut the lights off, clean their rooms, etc. My mom was a single parent and suffered from severe depression. By her own admission, she checked out of our lives and we were on our own at an early age. So to me these girls have it easy and don't appreciate what they have. Their mom dedicates herself to them from the time she wakes up until the girls go to bed. By then, my wife is exhausted and ready to go to sleep. I feel resentful of my step daughters because they take so much of their mom's time and energy. Yet they still complain they are "bored" if someone is not entertaining them 24/7. I have never had trouble keeping entertained since I love reading, history, architecture, good films, baseball, and a few other interests. When we were dating my wife made time for me. Those days of romance are over and reality is here. My wife has said she feels like a single parent sometimes. This hurts. I saw how hard it was for my mom to be a single mom. Sometimes I don't feel like my efforts are appreciated. I used to try to be part of the girls' bedtime routine, but they made it clear they wanted their mom not me. It's hard for me to eat a meal with the girls because they smack their lips and eat so loudly I feel like my head will explode. Even as a kid I was into sports and the outdoors. These girls are very girly. They not only don't play sports, but if they fall or get so much as a hang nail they are crying rivers of tears which drives me nuts. Despite having a debilitating disease that results in chronic pain and fatigue, until this year I walked the girls to and from school every day. I am on disability not due to Aspergers. When I try to do special things with them I get attitude and complaints. The 11 year-old only seems to like activities I HATE and that make me very anxious such as shopping, swimming, spending money we don't have, running, and Barbie type dolls. I try to do crafts with her, however, she will get frustrated and have a melt down or I say something that she takes as being an insult and she will mope and pout for a day or longer. It makes me want to give up. This weekend, like many, their dad was supposed to have them. However, he made other plans so once again my wife and I will not get much needed time alone. This just is not what I expected. Sometimes I wonder if I have any business being married much less a step mom. Thanks to anyone who reads this. I got remarried not long after my Grandma died. Since then my family has spread out and become distant. This is my family and I want it to work. I just want to be understood and appreciated.
) but I can understand how frustrating it can be with them around especially when they are being difficult. You may want to try behavior modification with them. I found sitting down in front of a kid with a bowl of ice cream works best. Just sit there and start eating. When they ask if they can have some just say sure after you do this. Doesn't always work and sometimes you have to make the carrot bigger but it helps.
