Being around my siblings’ families is difficult

[Markness]

I had to be around both of my siblings’ families yesterday evening. It wasn’t easy for many reasons. Both of my siblings are constantly in the social spotlight while I am not and we don’t share much in common so I feel like there isn’t much we can talk about. My second youngest nephew is also a handful and will scream constantly.

I also feel like the odd person because I don’t have a girlfriend/wife and children of my own. I can’t fully join in because of that.

 

[Xinyta]

I had to be around both of my siblings’ families yesterday evening. It wasn’t easy for many reasons. Both of my siblings are constantly in the social spotlight while I am not and we don’t share much in common so I feel like there isn’t much we can talk about. My second youngest nephew is also a handful and will scream constantly.

That can be difficult. I really was the odd one out in my family too. It didn't help matters that I was a only child originally. It created some jealousy, among other things. >.>

I also feel like the odd person because I don’t have a girlfriend/wife and children of my own. I can’t fully join in because of that.

I'd not worry too much about 'society dictates it, therefore it must be done' kinda mantras and expectations. Because those only serve NTs, not us.

Things will fall in line as you better yourself. I have faith you'll find someone. But you need to continue having faith in yourself.

Do things how YOU would like them to be done. Find your own way. It's as simple as that.

---

On a random as heck side note. When I typed "It's as simple as that". I was trying my dang best to not type, "It's as shrimple as that".

My goofy butt dang near losing it in laughter, thinking about the Russian Badger video that comes from.

 

[Metalhead]

Love yourself, then others will follow.

We could be single bros, without relationship baggage or responsibilities.

But if you really want a relationship, learn to love yourself first because you are worth it.

 

[Rodafina]

@Markness

I also have trouble being around my family altogether. I love them all very much but when everyone is together, it gets chaotic and confusing and oh so loud.

On the other hand, I find one to one time with each family member so much more satisfying. I wonder if you could try spending more time with certain family members one to one to improve your family connections.

 

[tree]

I had to be around both of my siblings’ families yesterday evening. It wasn’t easy for many reasons. Both of my siblings are constantly in the social spotlight while I am not and we don’t share much in common so I feel like there isn’t much we can talk about. My second youngest nephew is also a handful and will scream constantly.

I also feel like the odd person because I don’t have a girlfriend/wife and children of my own. I can’t fully join in because of that.

You "had to be around"?
How come?

"My second youngest nephew is also a handful and will scream constantly."
How old is he?
What's he screaming about?

"I don’t have a girlfriend/wife and children of my own. I can’t fully join in because of that."
It's not a dog show.
An entry isn't required for participation.

It's a misconception to say you can't 'fully join in.'
You can join in as yourself.
Trying to be a carbon copy of someone else's situation isn't
necessary or advisable.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I understand the chaos. I think that's an integral part of family get togethers with kids involved.

 

[jsilver256]

I think that's a normal experience. Sibling relationships don't feel the same after you're kids.

 

[thejuice]

I think that's a normal experience. Sibling relationships don't feel the same after you're kids.

Yes and in some ways very much the same

 

[Peter Morrison]

So many ASD people experience disappointment in social gatherings. I believe it is because we have expectations of family gatherings that the event will be loving and joyful. We don't perform well on either of those two fronts. Don't let it get you down. Think twice before accepting another invitation.

 

[Pats]

I avoid siblings as much as possible. Maybe once or twice a year I might agree to meet my 2 sisters (no other family) for an overnight, as long as it's within a 2 hour drive and only 1 night. That's just enough time to share some funny memories and a few updates and eat out a couple meals. My brother I don't even talk to - not a friend on social media, no phone calls - he basically is out of my life. We are both fine with that.

And as far as small kids. I don't go places where there are going to be a lot of other people's kids (excluding my grandkids, of course). And as much as I love my own grandkids, I limit that time, too. I've gone to a birthday get together - the parents have loud music going, kids are running around yelling and being loud, I don't hear a single word that anyone is saying. I go home gripping my steering wheel so tight, I realize my hands hurt when I get home and it takes me days to recover.

I was once told, and agree - "Just because they are family, doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with them."

 

[Kayla55]

I remember trying to act out impressions of other girls and how bad actor I was. How I sometimes mask is still incomprehensible but it's unrehearsed.
Some of things said/done are the way I grew up, but not all of it.
Aspire women do have parenting style that's very very different, it's just a natural way with us.

 

[Kayla55]

My son listed for the first time his desire to be a mechanic, and since my car was so old and one thing after another packing up, I kind of coherced my dad into teaching them a few tricks, he was quite the fundii and still is about cars.
So now my boys fix my car for me and this is best deal ever, I don't like fixing cars despite knowing few basics due to the darn thing not starting and just rough guide I learnt to know when a mechanic was being dishonest. Which they can be famous for and the line of woman at the ombudsman isn't feasible, so it's just like going with reputation and deciding he knows what the issue is.

 

[Markness]

You "had to be around"?
How come?

"My second youngest nephew is also a handful and will scream constantly."
How old is he?
What's he screaming about?

I had to drive my mother to the gathering.

He is 3 years old and if he doesn’t get his way when it comes to running out in the street or riding on wheeled things, he gets upset.

 

[Kayla55]

My son listed for the first time his desire to be a mechanic, and since my car was so old and one thing after another packing up, I kind of coherced my dad into teaching them a few tricks, he was quite the fundii and still is about cars.
So now my boys fix my car for me and this is best deal ever, I don't like fixing cars despite knowing few basics due to the darn thing not starting and just rough guide I learnt to know when a mechanic was being dishonest. Which they can be famous for and the line of woman at the ombudsman isn't feasible, so it's just like going with reputation and deciding he knows what the issue is.

Just pointing out to you markness that experience counts for more than education, and this applies not just to work but also life.

 

[Cutesie]

Not having a partner or kids means that I get to spend more time at gatherings being an uncle. This works because my niblings like me and I love babies and kids. I understand that this isn't true for many autistic people. (If I have it, it's the very high-functioning type.) My brothers - one with autism, another with other intellectual disabilities - frighten kids because they don't know how to be calming and friendly. My brother is very hurt every time. Both of them still want to be at every family event, despite the disappointments.