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Being Bossed Around

R

Rasputin

ASD / Aspie
V.I.P Member
I am on vacation now, and my wife and I are staying with a friend who has a beach condo. We rode with her friend to the condo, and have no independent transportation. We are in day 3 of a 6 day vacation, and my wife’s friend likes to gossip and boss people around. My wife knows I do not respond well to bossing, but her friend did just that at a public pool telling me I was applying sun screen wrong and telling me what to do. I responded by looking her in the eye and telling her I could figure it out without her input. A few minutes later I left and walked back to the condo.

This has been building up for a couple days, and I am sure my wife is pissed. The incident seems so silly now, but I have hot temper. I also reacted without consciously thinking. Has anyone else been in this situation, and how should I handle it now?
 
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Ask her if she would like to apply it? Just throw a curve ball. Why she is so wrapped up in your business?

Maybe something else is coming thru.....
 
You may have made your point. With the most optimistic potential that there's nothing left to do. See what happens in real time for the remaining three days.

And when you get home, you can always make the gesture of ghosting them altogether. Something that only the dimmest of persons won't understand.
 
I think it may be attention seeking behavior, or just biology, not sure

According to e, controlling, analytical, supportive, and one other one I forget. She says everyone is two of those.

Apologize right now. Say something believable, and say positive things all day long. I really look up to______bc of the way they treat people, my favorite thing about you tube is cat videos...
 
Probably cannot help herself. Likely more noticeable because you are expected to 'monitor yourself'.
Just goes to show we all have quirks and blurt out things uncensored that can be viewed as annoying or rude. lol
 
Judge said:
You may have made your point. With the most optimistic potential that there's nothing left to do. See what happens in real time for the remaining three days.

And when you get home, you can always make the gesture of ghosting them altogether. Something that only the dimmest of persons won't understand.
Click to expand...

I like your suggestion, and will see how it goes the next three days.
 
Rasputin said:
I am on vacation now, and my wife and I are staying with a friend who has a beach condo. We rode with her friend to the condo, and have no independent transportation. We are in day 3 of a 6 day vacation, and my wife’s friend likes to gossip and boss people around. My wife knows I do not respond well to bossing, but her friend did just that at a public pool telling me I was applying sun screen wrong and telling me what to do. I responded by looking her in the eye and telling her I could figure it out without her input. A few minutes later I left and walked back to the condo.

This has been building up for a couple days, and I am sure my wife is pissed. The incident seems so silly now, but I have hot temper. I also reacted without consciously thinking. Has anyone else been in this situation, and how should I handle it now?
Click to expand...
Yeah I’m the same way, except I’m female.
Taking a walk away from obnoxious jerks is the best solution. Especially compared to the alternative.
I suppose you could find alternate places to hang out in order to minimize time spent with the bossy-friend-of-wife?

Also.
Schedule a nice vacation for yourself soon - you deserve it even more after this.
 
watersprite said:
Yeah I’m the same way, except I’m female.
Taking a walk away from obnoxious jerks is the best solution. Especially compared to the alternative.
I suppose you could find alternate places to hang out in order to minimize time spent with the bossy-friend-of-wife?

Also.
Schedule a nice vacation for yourself soon - you deserve it even more after this.
Click to expand...

That is a good suggestion. I might have plan around any COVID-19 lockdown, but it’s a good idea!
 
Martha Ferris said:
Sometimes people who barely have control of themselves have to control what and who is around them. It's a way of coping with their anxiety.
Click to expand...

This friend was married to my best friend who died of a stroke five years ago. He was probably on the spectrum, but undiagnosed. She used to boss him around all the time, and mock him for eating slow, for making frequent trips to the bathroom, and for being hypervigilant monitoring for scratches to his car. At the very least he had OCD. He just took it, and never reacted. I just could not do that.
 
Rasputin said:
This friend was married to my best friend who died of a stroke five years ago. He was probably on the spectrum, but undiagnosed. She used to boss him around all the time, and mock him for eating slow, for making frequent trips to the bathroom, and for being hypervigilant monitoring for scratches to his car. At the very least he had OCD. He just took it, and never reacted. I just could not do that.
Click to expand...

I don't think that those who use control as a coping mechanism are the same as those on the spectrum or those who have OCD. They are different issues. I avoid those who need to control others to make themselves feel better.
Perhaps if she had known that these behaviors weren't just quirks, that there were reasons for them such as being on the spectrum, she would have been more tolerant and understanding. But then, on the other hand, that might not have been in her personality. Too bad he chose to live like that.
 
Lol, I don't see how what you said was bad. It sounds nicer than how I'd have responded to that sort of irritation.
Fortunately, my wife wouldn't be mad at me for saying something like that.
She might be mad if I left without her though.
 
I do not like people like that who seem to act like they have a pipeline to the truth. I immediately tend to discount everything about such people. Interesting how such people believe that the neurodiverse are the impulsive ones.
 
Rasputin said:
Has anyone else been in this situation
Click to expand...
My partner tries to micromanage my driving, and it doesn't go down well. I tell him that I'm in charge of the vehicle right now, not him. When he drives, I don't tell him how to do it, so neither should he be telling me when I drive.
 
Progster said:
My partner tries to micromanage my driving, and it doesn't go down well. I tell him that I'm in charge of the vehicle right now, not him. When he drives, I don't tell him how to do it, so neither should he be telling me when I drive.
Click to expand...

I have the same issue, and have given up driving when my wife is a passenger. The same goes for her sister. They both micromanage my driving.
 
My vehicle my rules. I don’t allow people to talk whie I am driving. They’re allowed to talk when my car has been parked and engine off.
I provide ear-buds for passengers but music over the speakers isn’t allowed either.
 
Naggers gonna nag. Just try to tune her out. She may think she sounds funny/ironic, or it may be her way of saying she cares about you. Put on some headphones and just try to enjoy the vacation. Get away for a few, just you and your wife, and make it really special.
 
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