Being categorized as “stuck up”

[Keigan]

I was walking with my dog tonight, as we walked near a baseball field filled with kids I remembered something about my youth.

Many of my peers told me I was “stuck up”, I never understood what they meant though now I recognize that I was not interacting with others in the same way they interacted with others.

I remember I wanted friends, but I just never had them.

I’m sure everyone has many realizations as we better understand AS.

 

[Katleya]

I think I've experienced that quite a bit.
A lot of people think that I think I'm too good to be around them; truth is, I'm usually so absorbed by something else (a special interest or my social anxiety, depending on the context) that I barely notice them.
It's caused me problems before I was 5, problems as a teen, problems in my late 20s, and problems now.
Been called a snob, a stuck up, an intellectual, and about every variation you can think of to describe such things. The one bonus to that is that I have a gift for surprising people with never being what they expected.

 

[Suzanne]

I have always known that I am weird to others. I used to HATE break time and often begged to work through lunch, but shooed out of the door. So, I would either, miserably walk around the school grounds, because the mere thought of joining in with my peers, frightened the life out of me, or I would latch onto a teacher and found solice in that.

I did have a "best friend" in school and in truth, I latched on to her for dear life and became a part of the "popular" ones, as everyone liked her and so, as an extention of that, appearances gave the impression I was liked too; but the very few times she was not at school, the true colours came out and it was so evident to me, that I was insignificant to others.

In my teen years and young adult years, I was seen as stuck up. I mostly walk with my head down and one time, I felt so good that I walked with my head up, but sadly, other woman saw me and put it around that I thought I was something special.

Now, I am seen as someone who is not fully trusted and it is all to misconceptions and prejudice really, on me having aspergers. You MUST fit in to our world, type of thing and they HONESTLY think that I will lol?

 

[Gracey]

...never being what they expected.

I think the above nails it for me.
Others would form their own ideas initially about me and then I'd do something random or come out with an in depth explanation to a general question.

I couldn't quite pull off the 'act like my peers' routine. Something Aspie would burst out of me.

Over time I learned to stay quiet, observe and filter most responses and removing myself from the group when I was struggling to do that. Appearing unconnected, serious and thoughtful.
This was seen as reserved, stuck up and many and varied other judgemental labels.

At some mother and baby groups with my own babies, I thought I was answering questions about development from other mothers in a helpful and informative way. Nope.

It seemed they just needed to fill the gap of quiet with whatever fell out of their mouths. They didn't really want an explanation, with quoted studies, about their own babies development, or lack thereof.
That was just offensive and know it all (apparently)

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

It seemed they just needed to fill the gap of quiet with whatever fell out of their mouths. They didn't really want an explanation, with quoted studies, about their own babies development, or lack thereof.
That was just offensive and know it all (apparently)

I long for the days when we just picked nits and ticks off each other... now its exchanging sounds to do the equivalent thing.

'How olds your baby?'
'My babys gonna kick your babys ass'
How many words does your baby know?
'List them mo fo'
'Nincompoop thats one'
'My baby knew that before he had teeth'
'Your babys a boy? Mines non gender specific and thats double points'
Is he toilet trained?
' u kidding me? Mines a f***ing plumber'

That kind of thing?
Less surreal or more surreal?

 

[dragoncat16]

I remember one of my high school teachers told my mom that I was "aloof" with the other students, and I lost marks for my supposed aloofness. I was certainly not trying to be aloof. From my perspective, the other students excluded me, so why were they not also accused of being aloof?

I remember that I was most accepted when I kept to myself and didn't say anything. I always seemed to get snubbed by others when I actually spoke to them. I came to the conclusion that if people aren't going to like me for who I am, then I don't particularly want to be friends with them. Being alone was better than being tolerated only if I pretended to be something I wasn't.

Now that I finally have my diagnosis, I wonder if life would have been any different for me back then if I had known.

 

[Bolletje]

People used to call me arrogant, aloof, unsociable or cold. Because I don't naturally interact with others. I'm quite solitary by nature, and my instinct when in a group is to keep to myself, unless people actively engage me. Because high school has taught me that people generally do not respond well when I try to engage them in conversation. Adult life has been a lot milder in this respect, but I still have to convince myself that people actually want to hang out with me.

It also doesn't help that I get distracted by moving things, especially animals, when talking to people. I once did an internship at a psychiatric hospital in the woods (that sounds like the perfect setting for a horror story). I got terrible grades, because I kept getting distracted by rabbits and deer outside. And wallabies. Try telling your psychotic patient you're not making eye contact because you just saw a wallaby outside, in the middle of the woods in Europe. Great for your credibility too

 

[Chance]

I long for the days when we just picked nits and ticks off each other... now its exchanging sounds to do the equivalent thing.

'How olds your baby?'
'My babys gonna kick your babys ass'
How many words does your baby know?
'List them mo fo'
'Nincompoop thats one'
'My baby knew that before he had teeth'
'Your babys a boy? Mines non gender specific and thats double points'
Is he toilet trained?
' u kidding me? Mines a f***ing plumber'

That kind of thing?
Less surreal or more surreal?

What did you have for breakfast??? A large order of pure grit, with a side of Comic Con? Too funny.

 

[Chance]

Most people didn't call me a snob very much... That might have been a compliment actually.

Mine was "He is off in his own little world." "He hates people and won't talk to them..." And some other stuff I just don't want to mess with this morning... : )

Just stupid things that were yes, maybe a little true, but no one cared to look into why I was that way, or that they were making it worse every time they said these things... For a long time these people had me believing I wasn't worth anything. I was a useless sack of skin that had no reason to live...

Thats surely gonna make me be Mr. Positive and the fresh prince of happiness... In what Universe?

In truth I was scared to death, sometimes I still am. I knew I was messed up, I still know that. I was trying with all I had. It wasn't enough, it most likely never will be. But I try with all I have everyday to be 10,000 times more than those who left scars and images in my head that will never go way... That is one reward they cant take from me... ever. : )

 

[xudo]

I've been told I'm stuck up before, but I don't really know if it's an ASD thing though, or if it's from being raised with one parent who was/is genuinely pretty stuck up

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Most people didn't call me a snob very much... That might have been a compliment actually.

Mine was "He is off in his own little world." "He hates people and won't talk to them..." And some other stuff I just don't want to mess with this morning... : )

Just stupid things that were yes, maybe a little true, but no one cared to look into why I was that way, or that they were making it worse every time they said these things... For a long time these people had me believing I wasn't worth anything. I was a useless sack of skin that had no reason to live...

Thats surely gonna make me be Mr. Positive and the fresh prince of happiness... In what Universe?

In truth I was scared to death, sometimes I still am. I knew I was messed up, I still know that. I was trying with all I had. It wasn't enough, it most likely never will be. But I try with all I have everyday to be 10,000 times more than those who left scars and images in my head that will never go way... That is one reward they cant take from me... ever. : )

It's like being continously patronised from year one.
'Oh hes off in hiw own little world'

Yeh mr positive doesnt come from there, but despite it.

So know where you're coming from on that one.

Like the other thread 'inbursts' @OkRad i think.

Massive inner steaming anger in complete silence.

 

[Judge]

My observation remains that Neurotypicals are apt to relate to others exclusively based on their own neurological perspective and no other. That if you are reticent to socialize, then you are aloof and superior. The notion that one might be Neurodiverse and inherently reticent to socialize based on neurological considerations is not likely to enter such a mindset. Unless of course for whatever reason they have been exposed to such people who may neurologically contrast with their primary point of view.

Though in masking such traits and behaviors, it always amuses me how I've usually managed to avoid such assumptions or accusations with insignificant and cursory social participation if and when I choose.

 

[onlything]

I was 'just shy'. But what happens when 'just shy' doesn't grow out the 'shyness' and starts to be a stuck up, snob, arrogant, aloof, emotionless, robot, weird, freak?

Never understood it as a kid. My childhood was a confusing and scary time due to circumstances. In the end, the young 'me' decided that there's something wrong with the world, not her and answered the rudeness, cruelty and hatred with coldness, indifference and, well, seething anger. Either tell me what you want from me or just leave me alone was what I wanted. Later it turned into terrible loneliness and a desire to fit in whatever the price until there wasn't 'me' anymore.

Misconceptions, misunderstanding and lack of acceptance. Majority of the world is neurotypical and thinks only in neurotypical ways. Sometimes I wonder if acceptance and understanding are even at all possible from their side. Then I see NTs here or in my life that at least keep trying and hopefully, it will change something. One day.

Often I read things NTs write about NDs and their hypocrisy is so obvious in every word that I can't decide if I should feel sad, angry or amused. It's just so... typical. Maybe I'm just resigned now.

I try not to judge people. To accept them for who they are and not to create my own ideal personas of them. I see that reciprocation is not to be expected, however.

 

[Keigan]

I was 'just shy'. But what happens when 'just shy' doesn't grow out the 'shyness' and starts to be a stuck up

“Just shy”is the other term of categorization that was present.

 

[Katleya]

It also doesn't help that I get distracted by moving things, especially animals, when talking to people. I once did an internship at a psychiatric hospital in the woods (that sounds like the perfect setting for a horror story). I got terrible grades, because I kept getting distracted by rabbits and deer outside. And wallabies. Try telling your psychotic patient you're not making eye contact because you just saw a wallaby outside, in the middle of the woods in Europe. Great for your credibility too

Tell me about it: there was a circus right next door to my college campus. An actual circus. Sometimes while sitting in class, looking out the window, I would see the circus people walk their miniature ponies and the llamas, that was terrible in terms of focus...

On that note, I was unusually popular in college precisely because I was such a loner, and everybody mistook my attitude for that of the cool kid who couldn't care less, thinking that was the reason I hardly ever showed up to class. I actually didn't show up because of panic attacks and PTSD, but nobody ever realized that.

Regarding moving objects again: planes are one of my special interests. I once had an admission interview where I was facing the window, and it was in a city on the flight path to the airport, so the academic director asks me a question that could be life-changing, and I'm just sitting there, very blatantly following the aircraft with my eyes and head because it looks SO big (I was actually admitted; turns out it was a question on what I was passionate about).

 

[Gracey]

I long for the days when we just picked nits and ticks off each other...

Me too, I hope it comes back into fashion like beards, big, eighties hair-dos and knitting.

...

'My baby knew that before he had teeth'
'Your babys a boy? Mines non gender specific and thats double points'
Is he toilet trained?
' u kidding me? Mines a f***ing plumber'

That kind of thing?
Less surreal or more surreal?

Little Johnny could recite Shakespeare in Latin whilst still in the amniotic sac and all mine seem to be doing was being fascinated by their own poo and putting earth in their mouths so they could check if it crunched.
Far better immune system than little Johnny if nothing else

 

[Chance]

Me too, I hope it comes back into fashion like beards, big, eighties hair-dos and knitting.





Little Johnny could recite Shakespeare in Latin whilst still in the amniotic sac and all mine seem to be doing was being fascinated by their own poo and putting earth in their mouths so they could check if it crunched.
Far better immune system than little Johnny if nothing else

Oh my gosh, now you and Fridge??? Thats funny except I ate dirt when I was a kid (but did not play with poo, thats unthinkably gross)... Now taking my head down, walk of shame, out of this digital room...

 

[Adora]

I was accused of appearing stuck up or a snob while growing up,I always been extremely shy and have issues interacting with others but I was called stuck up by a few peers in school,also I had a relative of mine criticising my shyness and said that people will think I’m a snob,I still may get some not understanding why I’m a bit stand offish at times but I try not to let it get to me anymore and not be so hard on myself because of my shyness or just being a quiet person.

 

[Sabrina]

I was never called that, but I was called once, by a teacher, in college, in front of the whole classroom “a girl with problems”, and she dedicated a whole half hour of speech to ME, ‘the girl with problems’. Maybe she didn’t like the fact that everytime she said some inaccurate nonsense, I made a face that left no doubt of what I was thinking.

 

[Jerry]

I've heard it. My mistake is that it hurt me so much to hear that they thought I was "arrogant, an asshole, or just weird." I now realize it is part of the power struggle that is so important in the NT world. Labeling me de-legitimizes me and neutralizes any perceived threat that I may pose; but only if I internalize what they say. Honestly, it was just ********, but I gave it way too much power over me. It crushed my life. And, honestly, if you aren't labeled as arrogant, etc,... you will just be labeled something else, only because it can hurt you. ..... until you are strong enough to not accept it. Don't accept any labels. Fight on, my brothers and sisters !