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Being touched by a co-worker

Utini

Utini

Well-Known Member
I have posted before about being overwhelmed with this co worker that thinks I am her best friend and is obsessed with me.

Now she is starting to touch me. It may seem friendly to her or silly but I can't sleep because of this, I'm so angry and feel stuck. Today she touched me under my breast, I jumped so high it felt so weird. She constantly slaps my knees when talking to me, flicks them, jiggles my under arms, slaps my boob, tried to grab my gut once. I can't take it. She knows I can't stand being touched, she will do this and then apologize. When I get uncomfortable over it she beats herself up and acts weird, she starts talking more and following me more.

I could report this but I am afraid of this girl. She is unstable and I think that is why she is so drawn to me. I tell her I don't want friends but it doesn't sink in. Nothing does. I'm with her all the time, I can't go anywhere I get paid so well and I can' change shifts. I hope I can move to another floor in the hospital but there are no openings now and I don't know what to say to her. I might be paranoid but she has randomly mentioned twice about how she knows hit-men and wants me to get involved with the dark web with her. I'm glad she doesn't know where I live but I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be hard to figure out.

All I can think of is just reacting even more so? You would think that "no" would work but people are messed up. I feel sick.

I had this happen before with another co worker, she knows that I have no spine and she has poked my privates twice. She has always been like a motherly figure to me, so it was so weird. It has been years since then but I still see her and it haunts me.
 
Sounds like some boundaries need to be set between you, touching your bits is definitely not appropriate if she's not in an intimate relationship with you.

I'd suggest a quiet word with the Boss, or even go above them to HR.
 
Mr Allen said:
Sounds like some boundaries need to be set between you, touching your bits is definitely not appropriate if she's not in an intimate relationship with you.

I'd suggest a quiet word with the Boss, or even go above them to HR.
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If I wasn't scared of her, that would be a good option. When I have an escape route in site, I may be able to talk to the boss but by then it may not be worth it.
 
That is horribly inappapropriate and unacceptable. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

I can't offer any advice but to echo others and suggest you keep a record of her behavior (dates and what was done/said to you, as well as what you said/did in response, perhaps any fears you have about retribution) and report it to a supervisor or human resources department. I understand you may choose not to do this out of fear of retribution (understandable), but it's the only thing I can think of to make it stop.
 
This behaviour is WELL out of order. I don't blame you for feeling uncomfortable. I have been harassed by both men and women in the workplace who touched me inappropriately - I am a hetero man btw - in one case I left the job, in the other I filed a grievance which didn't lead to them getting fired but made them back off.
I don't like unexpected touches anyway. Even when my wife brushes past me on her way somewhere I flinch like I've just been burned, yet when I'm expecting it I love physical contact with her.
You can't go on feeling like this so I hope we can find you a solution - if it was me I'd report it.
Love your screen name btw - hope you don't slap a restraining bolt on me!
 
You have to let her know that you will not tolerate her touching you. Don't apologize for your right to be left alone. If it persists, go to the proper authorities to report her behavior. You can't allow yourself to remain afraid of her.
 
Sexual harassment and she could and should lose her job for it. I agree with everyone else that you need to report it to put a stop to it. You work in a hospital - are there camera's? Most larger places of employment do have to protect you from reporting things and have to protect your privacy.
 
Pats said:
and should lose her job for it.
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Yes, and you shouldn’t have to leave because of her. I hope she gets dealt with. Your HR will bound to ask everyone else if it’s true. If not, get your other colleagues to write statements so they can back you up.
 
Agree with the advice to go to HR. You also need to tell her in no uncertain terms that the next time she touches you , you will file a complaint of sexual harassment against her and that her behavior is totally unacceptable. No good to say this though and not follow through so don't make idle threats. Perhaps you could also film an incident with your cell phone as proof that it's happening.
 
Utini said:
If I wasn't scared of her, that would be a good option. When I have an escape route in site, I may be able to talk to the boss but by then it may not be worth it.
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Honestly? You probably dont need an escape route in the sense you're thinking of: talking to HR *is* the escape route. No company worth their salt wants stuff like this to be happening among employees... very bad for business and reputation. So you better believe they'll not only take it seriously, but come down pretty darned hard on whoever is instigating such a thing. Part of their job is protecting employees from crap like this. You wont be in this fight alone anymore.

Chances are, you'll find that this person just outright avoids you after that. And if she doesnt? More reporting. The SECOND time hits even harder and may be the end of her job, and she'll want to avoid that as much as possible. If the touching keeps up, or if she gets outright hostile... yeah. A second report will probably end it completely, one way or another.

I can tell you, it's not exactly a fun time, to have to do a report like that in any situation. But it's the right thing to do, and the thing that has a heavy enough effect to deal with a situation like this.

If you DONT do it, likely, this will not stop anytime soon and may get worse.


Anyway, just my thoughts on it.
 
Gosh, I hate that. I don't have advice. When that happened to me, I just sucked it up. Two employees at a gym were touching me all the time. This was about two years ago and it still hurts if I see them.

I told the one to stop it. He was not doing anything more than tapping and play hitting, but I hate it so I told him to stop it and it ruined even the little friendship we had. He was not overly mad, but I felt terrible and now when I see him, I scurry off.

The other was in a higher position. I was kissed on my hands, had my hands held and fondled by his, kisses on head, told I was his favourite, etc etc.....At first I thought he liked me but it wasn't that. I was unable to assess his intentions.

Again, I sucked it up because I thought we were friends. I left the area for a long time to get away and when I came back, he told me where I had been because he was tracking me. It was creepy, but he never asked me out or anything.

I just sucked it up but now when I see him, it's like a knife in the gut. I feel embarrassed and used BUT on the other hand, I would never want to hurt him and ruin his career.

So for me, I just suck it up and take it. Now if he had leaned in for the kiss? Darn skippy, two things would have happened. !. I would have clearly asked his intent and 2. if was evident he was playing me, THEN I would go above him.

I see the first one a lot, but the other rarely.
 
Misery said:
No company worth their salt wants stuff like this to be happening among employees... very bad for business and reputation.
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I wish this were true, but experience has taught me that it's not always the case. I can't say more due to an ongoing situation in my own life, but please trust me - it's not always a case of right versus wrong - it can often be a contest of who is most liked or most expedient to the company versus the outsider.
That being said, I still think reporting the situation is the best option.
 
Autistamatic said:
I wish this were true, but experience has taught me that it's not always the case. I can't say more due to an ongoing situation in my own life, but please trust me - it's not always a case of right versus wrong - it can often be a contest of who is most liked or most expedient to the company versus the outsider.
That being said, I still think reporting the situation is the best option.
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I have actually encountered something like this myself, back when I used to work. Where right and wrong werent the factors that made a difference.

However... well, I'll say this: It's very interesting what one can do with the right words, in the right places. Higher-ups always think themselves invincible, at least when dealing with those lower on the totem-pole. They are not. I wont go into detail about the situation, but back when I worked at a movie theater, a certain manager (who had been there a long time) tried to turn things on me, after a bad situation had happened (where I absolutely wasnt at fault). I was the expendable one, you see.

Three days later, she was out of a job. And I played fair, too. Gave her an extremely direct "either give up and do things right, or I *will* take you down" warning. She didnt believe me. And yeah. She went down. Hard. The sort of "down" that sticks to one's record and shows up in future interviews. I didnt have to break even one rule to do it, or do even one dirty deed. And I was just a lowly employee doing the lowest jobs, hadnt been there more than 2 months.

To use an old phrase: "There's always a bigger dog". I simply found and brought that dog into the fight in a way that forced a victory. There's also another phrase I could invent here: "Well if you just cant find a bigger dog, throw a bear at them instead, or maybe a rattlesnake, I dunno... an incredibly angry cat might suffice, too". Outside forces can have a hell of an influence.


My point is, there ARE other ways to make things happen, to FORCE them to happen, if HR doesnt do their job in a situation like this... even though they may be above you, even though the situation seems vastly stacked in their favor. The trick is scheming out a way to do it (and preferrably scare the hell out of them at the same time). Not easy, and sometimes you just cant quite figure out what the solution is, but holy heck is it satisfying when pulled off.

There's no guarantee of victory of course, particularly if you dont have experience doing this kind of tactic (I learned it in highschool, which says something about THAT experience). But it indeed can be worth a shot.

Though of course even better for this type of thing (when related to employment) is: Get a less sucky job that's lacking in idiots. Which is a suggestion lots of people often point out. But that's a tough one too. Sometimes, it's all idiots. Like a big farm, except instead of a field of wheat, it's a field of morons.

Anyway, just more of my rambling thoughts on it that may or may not accomplish a bloody thing or help in any way. Maybe a bit too much of the caffeine today. Regardless though, I do wish the OP luck on this one (and everyone else that might deal with something like this). I know what it's like to have to deal with people that simply cant quite grasp how they themselves are acting. "Frustrating" doesnt cover it, yeah? Know that you have support here at least.
 
@Misery I totally get where you are coming from and I can claim a similar victory myself where my wits outdid those of the idiots who tried to oppress me, without me breaking or bending any rules. I benefited financially (quite significantly) too, which wasn't unwelcome. I've also been in the opposite situation and have an ongoing issue that I am determined not to be the victim of.
It's more often than not stacked against us no matter how intelligent or resourceful we are. The law is not the unbending stricture it's often believed to be - it's extremely open to interpretation, hence the recent US controversy over Kavanaugh's accession - not just because of his alleged indiscretions, but because his views shift the balance in the supreme court.
I respect you and your opinions and I sense that like myself you are very resourceful and have used that to your advantage. The advice to "get a less sucky job" is sound providing that is an option for the OP. I've done it myself :)
 
Autistamatic said:
@Misery I totally get where you are coming from and I can claim a similar victory myself where my wits outdid those of the idiots who tried to oppress me, without me breaking or bending any rules. I benefited financially (quite significantly) too, which wasn't unwelcome. I've also been in the opposite situation and have an ongoing issue that I am determined not to be the victim of.
It's more often than not stacked against us no matter how intelligent or resourceful we are. The law is not the unbending stricture it's often believed to be - it's extremely open to interpretation, hence the recent US controversy over Kavanaugh's accession - not just because of his alleged indiscretions, but because his views shift the balance in the supreme court.
I respect you and your opinions and I sense that like myself you are very resourceful and have used that to your advantage. The advice to "get a less sucky job" is sound providing that is an option for the OP. I've done it myself :)
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Resourceful sometimes, maybe.

And then I'll go and do something like make a sandwich and forget the bread. Or other loopy things that seem just as airheaded.

I tell ya, when THAT happens in the middle of a job (and it frequently did) well... "resourceful" isnt the word I'd use, at that point.
 
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