Being troubled by my mother again...

[aspieman2396]

Well, the peace was fun while it lasted...

A few days ago, my mother sent me a voice message (I thought I blocked her) basically asking me why I don't call her anymore, basically continuing on with her entitlement complex. She was basically saying that I was brainwashed. And that she won't apologize because she believes she didn't do anything wrong to me...

I thought nothing of it until I had this very bizarre dream bordering on nightmare last night. I saw her and she was basically yelling and screaming at me. I ignored her and she chased me until I closed and locked the door of my house

I am just really amazed that some people can go this low, I myself am going through a lot right now. I lost my job due to a false accusation and I am stressed out with school. Her message brought me a lot of "enlightenment" in these times

Thanks, Mother, I really appreciate your message. Smh

 

[Adora]

She will never see the fact that she has hurt you,I experienced this with my own family and they never see the damage that they do to you and also it’s like they have selective memory about this stuff,your mother seems like a toxic person and all they do is drain you,I don’t know if you are able to but maybe get your number changed because you don’t want to live in fear of the next call and also the nightmares are definitely linked to this because when something reminds me or triggers me in real life I start to have nightmares again,she has caused you trauma and she seems like she will never acknowledge it and continue to blame you,it’s best to try and change your number so she can’t at least contact you and you won’t have to listen to her abusing you again.

 

[Major Tom]

I know how you feel. I haven't spoken to my mother in years, and have no plans to, for similar reasons. Time and space can make things better.

 

[BraidedPony]

I hope this link works..
Www.webofnarcissism.com
This is an excellent website and forum about living with and surviving narcissistic parents and/or spouse. I discovered this forum about 8 years ago and it saved my life as I was dealing with a narcissistic mother.

 

[BraidedPony]

I spent years, decades, trying to get my husband to understand how it affects me to be raised by someone who did not care about me. As long as I survived and didn’t appear to be abused, then all is well as far as she was concerned. He never did get it, but then, well its a long story and we are separated now, thank goodness.
I think Aspies are particularly easy targets later in life to be abused. Our brains can’t understand that there are people who abuse others on purpose. We are too loyal to those that hurt us, therefore I stayed in an abusive relationship much longer than I should have. And of course being raised by a narcissist set me up to marry one.

 

[OkRad]

That is very hard. When family hurts family, it's a different situation. All confusing....You are brave to block her.

 

[puzzlingbill]

My mother-in-law was an ignorant drunk passive agressive bully. The best thing you can do is be strong about cutting her off. You are under no obligation to be her punching bag.

 

[Streetwise]

I spent years, decades, trying to get my husband to understand how it affects me to be raised by someone who did not care about me. As long as I survived and didn’t appear to be abused, then all is well as far as she was concerned. He never did get it, but then, well its a long story and we are separated now, thank goodness.
I think Aspies are particularly easy targets later in life to be abused. Our brains can’t understand that there are people who abuse others on purpose. We are too loyal to those that hurt us, therefore I stayed in an abusive relationship much longer than I should have. And of course being raised by a narcissist set me up to marry one.

I don't think it's just the autistic ,a neuro typical Woman across the road from me ,was murdered by her husband last month .I think we are just too desperate for affection .

 

[Bella Pines]

There are billions of people in the world, there's no need to spend time on those who will contact you for the sole purpose of bringing you down.

So I would say, fix your phone and block her properly next time

 

[Peter Morrison]

It's torture to be in an emotional firestorm. The pain and pressure linger like heavy smog. Only time will allow it all to disappear. Try to cling to elements in your life that are positive. It may be a bandaid approach, but it might help in the "now". The advice given by the other posts here are all valuable. It's hard to remain an open and honest person when you can easily be sideswiped by life's ugliness. As the saying goes: "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger".

 

[BraidedPony]

It’s hard to answer questions asked by a narcissist. For example when they call and ask, “Why don’t you call me any more?” This isn’t a question that can be answered truthfully without guilt. When my mom used to ask me this question my first thought was to tell the truth but quickly would have to stop and try to come up with an excuse for not calling that would blame myself. I would apologize and invent some kind of excuse about being busy etc. What I couldn’t do was tell her that interactions with her made my physically ill and emotionally upset for hours.

 

[Mary Lyn]

No it is not true that one stays damaged. The narc site link by the way is a pretty inactive one.

There are loads of these forums but healing does not come by knowledge. it helps but it does not heal. Rehashing the abuse on forums only reinforces the damage.

What is needed is to engage with the emotions and the wounds, and this process is amply described by Melanie Tonia Evans (You Tube)

I have just begun to heal from my narc mother, ex and daughter, and within a few days I have seen a shift.

 

[janie]

Though my ASD dx came late in my life, my relationship with my mother has been a lifelong challenge to me and virally communicated disappointment to her. Too often it has been too dense and ugly for me to understand, and prior to my dx, I had no context why and how I failed to meet her expectations though I invested sincere effort and resources. I am now more clear. It does not erase anything that transpired, however the shift helps me identify antecedents better and dwell more faithfully in possibilities. I am more comfortable in my identity on every level and believe the changes that taken root in me will bear new fruit and unexpected shifts in my life. I am who I am. I gladly offer that to those that accept me without scripting or trying to pass. I learned I can't pass and wasted enough energy on that. I extend sympathy to you and hope that unforeseen possibilities/outcomes blaze new places with your mom and in your life. I hear as I close how... oh, so, too simply simple this reads, but offer it as, I am who I am and all I have to offer as I wish you release and health and joy.

 

[aspieman2396]

Thanks everyone, for all of the support.

Today, my dad suspected that I might be meeting her in secret and I called BS on that immediately, especially after mentioning to him the message and the dream I had the day before. I got very defensive and he wanted no parts of it, so he went inside... I was outside, and I saw a car with two people inside a woman and what looks like a young girl. It wasn't them thank goodness but for that little moment, I felt fear. I went inside afterward.