Benefits of having female friends in childhood

[gl00m]

Many adolescents in their 20s feel alienated from the opposite sex because they never made friends with the opposite sex in childhood.
A man should not fall into the trap of "othering" the opposite sex. They're human beings too.
A good example of "othering", is that "women and men can't be friends".

Young boys who wish to have romantic relationship in the future should be encouraged to make friends with the opposite sex in childhood. Not just boys hanging out with boys. They will have more experience with women if they have female friends with childhood.

No wonder there are so many male incels (frustrated virgins) on the internet. When they were young boys, some of them only spoke to other boys and later developed that toxically masculine mentality that "women and men can't be friends".

 

[Progster]

Yes, I agree. This is nonsense: of course men and women can be friends.

Despite the advances in gender equality, parents still bring up girls and boys in a different way, and society still has different expectations of them. Different clothes are bought for boys and girls, they are spoken to in a different way, different toys are bought, Boys and girls are brought up in the expectation that they will fulfill a set gender role. This is, in part, what is responsible for this 'othering', or segregation, of the two sexes. Of course, the two sexes are different, but I think it's wrong of parents and society to have expectations of their children based on their gender/sex alone.

 

[disconnected]

I had some good female friends. I had a good friend Jen that would crush me downhill skiing, especially in the bumps. Also we would rock climb together in the summer. Another friend in college , Deana and I would white water kayak. We went to school about 45 minutes from a good whitewater river.

 

[disconnected]

I always felt more comfortable around females and at ease. I have a wife and two daughters now, so I suppose that’s good.

 

[Tom]

When I was a kid we all played outside together in the neighborhood, boys and girls.

Society has changed.

 

[Mary Terry]

I always felt more comfortable around females and at ease. I have a wife and two daughters now, so I suppose that’s good. [/QUOT

Most boys grow up around female family members - mother, sister, aunt, niece, cousin, etc. I think boys' ability to identify with or relate to women take root in those early years, and it is the prime time for mothers to teach their sons understanding and respect for females and to encourage/influence their sons' choice of friends. If boys don't get that kind of guidance in childhood, then it is understandable that they would struggle later in life trying to establish relationships with women.

I think the same thing is true for girls who grow up without appropriate guidance from their fathers, brothers, and other male relatives. They often have difficulty later in life trying to establish and maintain relationships with men.

 

[Bolletje]

When I was a kid I just played with the kids I liked best. Which were mostly boys. I was devastated when I was a teen and suddenly boys and girls weren’t supposed to be friends anymore. I kept hanging out with members of the opposite sex, but I got ostracized, called names, and worse, for it.

 

[AO1501]

Many adolescents in their 20s feel alienated from the opposite sex because they never made friends with the opposite sex in childhood.
A man should not fall into the trap of "othering" the opposite sex. They're human beings too.
A good example of "othering", is that "women and men can't be friends".

Firstly, I seriously don't believe there are 'adolescents in their 20s'. By the time someone is 20+, they are adults. Adolescents are closer to the 12-15 age range, with all their horizons significantly impacted by very limited life experiences to that point.

Secondly, I think the supposition that people in their 20s feel alienated from the opposite sex is a false premise. A fairly small proportion, perhaps.

Thirdly, I have never come across any male who seriously believed that 'women and men can't be friends'. That isn't to say no male ever has thought that, but I would suspect it is within that same fairly small proportion.

For those in that fairly small proportion, I'd have little doubt that establishing relationships across the gender divides (all of them, not just the binary example being suggested) would help foster better understanding, and not just for the purpose of romantic relationships, but of the entire range of life experiences and values.

To take the argument being posited here to the possibly illogical conclusion, boys playing with boys would surely help foster deeper gay relationships, but there is no sign that boys who grow up playing in the street (or these days online) with other boys, turn out to be better gay lovers than those who don't.

Realistically, I suspect that the average 'male incel' is a frustrated virgin for reasons other than whether or not they had female friends in childhood. That is not to criticise anyone, just not to over-simplify.

 

[Graphin]

Just a 16 yr old here.
I wish I had female or male friends, never saw a reason to limit myself, though I see the potential of suffering from sexual tension.
My impression is that it is both sides fault, and even before puberty (wtf) I witnessed many cases of people sort of forming group identity based on gender, which is a huge barrier.
After puberty hit despite my efforts due to my inability of group interactions, it essentially ended in:
1. Rejected because it was interpreted as an attempt to date and not interested
2. Other side ends up dating me (didn't really happen, though something similar), I do not, does not work out.
So essentially combine the problems of dating and finding friends with autistic people, and you get me trying with opposite gender friends.

 

[pamelaperejil]

I've always understood that it's a normal part of development for children to show group affinity for their own sex and alienation from the opposite sex, and that that trend continues until adolescence when there's a sudden peak in interest in the opposite sex. I doubt there's anything pathological about it.

Although it would be interesting to learn where pathological feelings of sexual-based "differentness", alienation, rigid stereotypical thinking, and objectification come from when we do find them. That does sometimes happen.

 

[Pats]

When I was a kid we all played outside together in the neighborhood, boys and girls.

Society has changed.

We did, too. Just a bunch of kids.

 

[pamelaperejil]

Although it would be interesting to learn where pathological feelings of sexual-based "differentness", alienation, rigid stereotypical thinking, and objectification come from when we do find them. That does sometimes happen.

Actually, I believe healthy adult sexual relationships come from a child growing up where there's a healthy relationship between the two parents and the child also has a healthy personal relationship with the parent of the opposite sex. I don't know how that's affected where there are single parents or gay/transgender couples or in raising gay/transgender children, though.

I would guess the relationship between the primary caregivers has much more to do with a child's adult relationships than, say, what the sexes of the child's friends are. Perhaps another factor is whether the child is capable of forming secure attachments or friendships of any kind (with anyone), which is also related to the quality of the child's attachment to his/her caregiver(s).