Best friend - definition

[Keigan]

my definition of friend, specifically best friend has evolved. I have one best friend, this individual is someone I interact with multiple times per day, asks me very good questions to broaden my thinking and feelings, cares about me and allows me to care about them, offers anything and accepts anything which is reciprocal, we discuss everything and anything, there is nothing hidden and we can say what is on our minds even if it provokes feelings in the other as we both know we will work through it and grow from it.

There is acknowledgement of value, of trust, of existence, of heart almost every day. I can't wait to experience the next interaction, there is connection.

What i am describing is so rare, almost once in a lifetime rare - I hope you find it as well, for it is the greatest gift.

 

[The Penguin]

I have a friendship like that. A few years ago things almost feel apart but we was able to resolve things. Now the friendship is even stronger.

 

[Tyrantus1212]

I have a few friends who understand and appreciate me, NT friends. I've never had any long-term friends before. These few people never make me feel down about myself. However, over 90% of the time I'm the one who texts first and there are some periods where communication isn't as frequent. For the record though, I text way too much because I'm always so needy, and I do demand a lot of communication from them. In person though, they're always enjoying the conversations we have and I don't see any signs of them being bored or anything when we do converse; we all feel like we can discuss just about anything - so perhaps I should just assume that they're not "texters"? My doc told me that people have their preferences on how they like to communicate. Plus they have done things for me before, like give me Christmas and birthday presents; they also get worried whenever I do something that's unhealthy.

People always tell me not to worry (the friends included) whenever I notice communication gaps. I also know that their lives are much busier than mine, and unlike myself they do have other friends as well. I have an issue though where I want them to respond promptly but sometimes I get the response a day later; I also haven't hung out with them for 2 months but there's a lot going on in their lives right now and they tell me not to worry, and that they're not thinking about cutting me off. I think I'm starting to become needy again. I really want to hang out with them again, very very much. Is it normal for real friendships to contain some communication gaps here and there? My doc says it is but I'm just not sure if I should believe him.

 

[Suzanne]

I did have what you are describing, but sadly, she did something so awful, that it ended our communications. Indirectly against me, but only due to how I felt about the situation that she turned away from.

I felt that my heart had been ripped from me and could even tell it was not the same as being in love with someone; it was a pure love of friendship and it was the first time I had experienced it, which is probably why it hurt even more.

We met online and chatted every day, for 4 years. It nearly collapsed though, when she encouraged me to stay with her for a week. She had done something that was pretty amazing. She paid for me to see Taylor Swift in concert ( first ever I had been to and on my own). I could not pay, when I tried and she knew how much I admired Taylor and so, happily lent me the money and was paid back. But, it was going to be like 5 months later and yet, not one time did she remind me. In fact when I let her know that I had not forgotten, all I got back was: I know; I trust you.

It went badly when we did meet though. I think for both of us, it was way too surreal to be face to face and neither of us could cope and I did not deal with the whole situation too well.

I nearly broke our friendship, but thought: am I really going to close 4 years of an amazing friendship? We soon got back on track.

I miss her very much.

 

[Kirsty]

Yeah, I'm not a texter and it annoys me how one person texts me all the time. It's very off putting. I had a friend who did this a lot and it came across as extremely needy and somewhat controlling. I'm glad it's all stopped now.

 

[Littlemissnaughty9]

my definition of friend, specifically best friend has evolved. I have one best friend, this individual is someone I interact with multiple times per day, asks me very good questions to broaden my thinking and feelings, cares about me and allows me to care about them, offers anything and accepts anything which is reciprocal, we discuss everything and anything, there is nothing hidden and we can say what is on our minds even if it provokes feelings in the other as we both know we will work through it and grow from it.

There is acknowledgement of value, of trust, of existence, of heart almost every day. I can't wait to experience the next interaction, there is connection.

What i am describing is so rare, almost once in a lifetime rare - I hope you find it as well, for it is the greatest gift.

That is great..I am new to this forum..I have a close friend I share a place with who has AS and is a kind, loving, compassionate,dear friend who has feelings and strong emotions and can feel my sadness and pain..finding a strong connection with what they call NT? is rare..however..we are all human beings with some form of illness due to this evil world we live in. I am happy to read your post..hold onto that connection for that friend is rare to find, pure gold! glad you have support.

 

[Keigan]

Friendships change and grow, an ebb and flow of self and connection to others. We come together based upon who we are and we become something else, something more. As we grow towards something more we open to the discovery of self as touched by others, for all those things discovered are ours to begin with.

It is a moment in time that lasts for all time.

 

[Gracey]

I think this is what I've found in my husband. We can just 'be'
Yes, we get on each others nerves and disagree sometimes but there's a mutual respect and acceptance in the foundation. We are very different and yet, the same.
We've evolved over a long period of time and experiences being something very different to where we started together.
I don't think societal expectations dictating what a perfect relationship should or ought to be entered the equation much.
Perhaps that's what made it easier? Fewer expectations, other than the basics, love, trust, acceptance and respect...for us anyway

 

[Littlemissnaughty9]

Friendships change and grow, an ebb and flow of self and connection to others. We come together based upon who we are and we become something else, something more. As we grow towards something more we open to the discovery of self as touched by others, for all those things discovered are ours to begin with.

It is a moment in time that lasts for all time.

That's beautiful!

 

[Jet Weiss]

I have never had friends until now, and I consider my boyfriend my best friend; our relationship is based on trust and compassion, and we definitely have a special bond.
To me, a best friend is someone who you can trust, someone that you love and that loves you- whether it is platonically or romantically, someone who you likely have some similar interests with, and someone who cares about you for who you are as a person and will not pass judgement on you.

 

[vangelis]

I really only have one friend and that is someone I went to secondary school with. Could not imagine interacting multiple times a day with him though - to me this seems weird and way too much. By default though he must be my "best" friend but he wouldn't fit Keigan's description. I interact more with people I work with and don't consider any of them as being friends. I'm really quite private but trying to open up a little via the medium of the internet - all help gratefully received and I will try to help others out if possible.

 

[Butterfly88]

I used to have a best friend. We didn't interact multiple times a day but we did interact often. Our friendship ended in a very ugly way unfortunately. I hope I get another best friend in my life.

 

[Keigan]

I wrote this posting to honor an individual who became my best friend, for the interaction is so special and important for myself. This friendship is long distance and through email until last night when we spoke on video call. We spoke for 2.5 hours draining the batteries on our phones - so much fun.

I sometimes feel that I lack the skill to support a close friendship, I'm grateful that this individual has the patience to be with me.

Our friendship feels good, feels relaxed.

 

[Keigan]

Friendship certainly has its value, for myself the friendship gets me to think and feel beyond my own skin which some times is an excellent reminder of that which I have to offer, that which others have to offer.

Part of the equation is being open and patient enough to allow someone to contribute to your live, at good times and not so good times. It’s not something that needs to be controlled or forced, it just flows.

 

[Ambi]

I've always struggled with the idea of best friend. I have a friend whom everyone else would have said clearly was my best friend. She gave me half of one of those broken heart best friend necklaces when we were young, and I hurt her feelings by saying I didn't feel comfortable taking it (yeah, total Aspie moment!). But I just don't get the best friend thing. I am more comfortable with the idea of sisters/cousins, even if they aren't blood related - that's how they feel to me.

 

[Keigan]

Today, this morning, this afternoon, this evening - is about being available. My best friend knows that i’m Available at a moment when that is a good thing. My best friend is strong and fierce in the face of uncertainty, as being the best friend I make myself available.

 

[Keigan]

It is without question, making myself available.

 

[Keigan]

For anyone willing to put themselves out there and make themselves available to others, good on you and ;
- I hope it lasts
- I hope there is balance
- I hope it is respectful
- I hope it brings you value

- I hope it brings you more happiness than pain, for clearly the two go hand in hand otherwise it is called fantasy rather than friendship or relationship

 

[Keigan]

when asked how to make a connection:

As an Aspie and Alexi man, I know I have to make myself available at moments of anxiety within my best friend. So I took the language of my best friend and I mimic it as reciprocation.

“I’m here, I’m Listening”

That creates a connection that demonstrates that I am here for my best friend at a moment of need, provides strength to work through the anxiety, and is not applying extra layers of pressure towards the anxiety and also my action is not withdrawing from the anxiety.

Simply opens doors for communication if and when needed, supporting without solutioning or avoiding.

 

[Sabrina]

I thank God every day for my best friend.