Boss called me a liar.

[MountainTrails]

I have had a pretty successful career so far. But I am stuck with a current situation.

Got a new boss a couple years ago. Things have never been great. I make more than he does -- or so he tells me -- and we have never clicked. He talks smack about me to other employees in the company.

He recently sent an e-mail in which he suggested plainly that I lied to him on a matter that is trivially verifiable. (Basically, did I take some required training.) He's not stupid, so he knows he could have just called the training group in our company and asked. He's not lazy, so it's not that he couldn't generate an e-mail. No, this seems like a completely unprofessional pissy snark thing. A cheap shot due to some unvoiced frustration. And from my boss, which is entirely dangerous.

The thing is, I take my integrity seriously. If I don't have a receipt for a business expense, I eat the cost rather than start any perception of shenanigans. I am BOILING MAD and am fighting emotions of punching his teeth down his throat. (Won't happen, I telecommute from far away, and he's younger and bigger than I am; I am not suicidal regarding my life or my employment. But those feelings are surging.) His approach is complete crap, disrespectful, and just shows poor skills on his part.

But I am jammed in terms of how to deal with it. Ignore the e-mail, confront him, go to the Human Resources department and complain (career limiting, I suspect, for ME), what? I could use some thoughts on this one from anyone who has seen this play out.

 

[Ambi]

I have had a pretty successful career so far. But I am stuck with a current situation.

Got a new boss a couple years ago. Things have never been great. I make more than he does -- or so he tells me -- and we have never clicked. He talks smack about me to other employees in the company.

He recently sent an e-mail in which he suggested plainly that I lied to him on a matter that is trivially verifiable. (Basically, did I take some required training.) He's not stupid, so he knows he could have just called the training group in our company and asked. He's not lazy, so it's not that he couldn't generate an e-mail. No, this seems like a completely unprofessional pissy snark thing. A cheap shot due to some unvoiced frustration. And from my boss, which is entirely dangerous.

The thing is, I take my integrity seriously. If I don't have a receipt for a business expense, I eat the cost rather than start any perception of shenanigans. I am BOILING MAD and am fighting emotions of punching his teeth down his throat. (Won't happen, I telecommute from far away, and he's younger and bigger than I am; I am not suicidal regarding my life or my employment. But those feelings are surging.) His approach is complete crap, disrespectful, and just shows poor skills on his part.

But I am jammed in terms of how to deal with it. Ignore the e-mail, confront him, go to the Human Resources department and complain (career limiting, I suspect, for ME), what? I could use some thoughts on this one from anyone who has seen this play out.

Absolutely record in detail every incident of unprofessional or bullying behavior towards you, so that you can hand it over to HR. If you confront him, do it in a very professional manner, and you could offer to discuss the matter together with HR. Or you could just report it to HR without telling him (that is the usual way). I would definitely consider other people's advice as well, though.

 

[OlLiE]

forward the mail to hr and ask them to confirm your attendance to him:
- he's made to feel a fool by being exposed to hr
- it indirectly make hr aware of an issue
- you've answered his question but not the way he expected it

at your own risk, this could also really piss him/her off

 

[Momo]

You need to take record and make a complaint (if it's not going to Hom of course ). Your surperior should not be acting so horribly, grudge or no.

 

[Streetwise]

think

I have had a pretty successful career so far. But I am stuck with a current situation.

Got a new boss a couple years ago. Things have never been great. I make more than he does -- or so he tells me -- and we have never clicked. He talks smack about me to other employees in the company.

He recently sent an e-mail in which he suggested plainly that I lied to him on a matter that is trivially verifiable. (Basically, did I take some required training.) He's not stupid, so he knows he could have just called the training group in our company and asked. He's not lazy, so it's not that he couldn't generate an e-mail. No, this seems like a completely unprofessional pissy snark thing. A cheap shot due to some unvoiced frustration. And from my boss, which is entirely dangerous.

The thing is, I take my integrity seriously. If I don't have a receipt for a business expense, I eat the cost rather than start any perception of shenanigans. I am BOILING MAD and am fighting emotions of punching his teeth down his throat. (Won't happen, I telecommute from far away, and he's younger and bigger than I am; I am not suicidal regarding my life or my employment. But those feelings are surging.) His approach is complete crap, disrespectful, and just shows poor skills on his part.

But I am jammed in terms of how to deal with it. Ignore the e-mail, confront him, go to the Human Resources department and complain (career limiting, I suspect, for ME), what? I could use some thoughts on this one from anyone who has seen this play out.

think about pulling the descrimination card
HES threatening you as he picks up youre not 100% aggressive which means HES a devious coward
IM devious but not like him he wants revenge but wont confront the real aggressor

 

[Alaska]

I can think of two possible intentions of your boss. One is that he might want to provoke you into doing something stupid so he will have an excuse to fire you. The other is that he acted from impulse.

Either way, if correct, means that your boss does not like you and probably wishes you harm, including loss of your job.

As mentioned by others in this thread, you need to carefully document what is happening and not keep your documentation at work, or at least keep copies elsewhere.

I do not know whether you have any chance of getting help for dealing with your boss at work. If you do have any chance to get help at work, like through HR or a colleague or his boss, then maybe you can ask them what to do. If not, maybe a college professor or teacher? Counseling offices at the school where you trained for your job might also offer help.

You should probably start looking for another job in case he does manage to fire you. I know as an Aspie, you will not like that change, but you will hate it worse to get fired and then have to look for another job. It is also easier to find a job when you still have a job.

 

[Manuheleku]

This is why it's sad that trade unions are on the decline.

 

[Mia]

Scan a copy of the form indicating the training that you've done. Send it to everyone including your boss. If there isn't one, get the training team to create one. That will shut things down. Bonus, it will turn it all around, and make your boss look like a liar. It reminds me of the Obama 'birthers'.

 

[WereBear]

While this sucks, I have never seen the "ignore it" ploy work. It can go a number of ways: all bad.

• The boss escalates attacks on you because he feels "he can"
• you feel awful at work and can be easily provoked
• your work suffers!
• co-workers start noticing you are a target and can bully you to curry favor with Rotten Boss

So document it and report it to HR. Also, find anything else that can be shown as discrimination; being female is enough. Consult a lawyer (which is free!) and maybe pay for them to have a letter sent... saying they are being watched.

Honest to heavens, this flips the situation in YOUR favor. Do it.

 

[Streetwise]

DIDNT go well for my mother but again being a woman theres the you are no threat to me because youre a woman
this what i legally have to call a person( IM not niave that any person can be two faced

 

[Streetwise]

part 2
so i keep it legal .
this person!!! worked in a higher status!!!! real misogynist i expect
and lied said my mams work was shoddy
she had a health problem and they stopped her having a source of heat
so she was fired!!!!! DAMN i forgot she DIDNT record any interaction she had with the aforementioned person!

 

[Judge]

He recently sent an e-mail in which he suggested plainly that I lied to him on a matter that is trivially verifiable. (Basically, did I take some required training.) He's not stupid, so he knows he could have just called the training group in our company and asked.

Who received such an email? What is their relationship to both you and your boss? And how truly "damning" could such a comment be to you in terms of your future? A little? A lot?

What about sending a very neutral email to this person simply apprising them of your training record, without any accusations or perhaps even mentioning your boss's name?

I take my integrity seriously as well. However given the circumstances, I'd be wary of making waves unless such a slight by a superior could really come back and haunt me. As always, in weighing such considerations it pays to know just how "connected" such a person might be with those higher up the company ladder. Does he have really "allies" or sychophants ready to bury you on a moment's notice. The dark side of office social dynamics and politics. Sometimes it has little or even nothing to do with how well someone does their job. Give it some thought before approaching HR. Once such a thing is official, there's no turning back. Be angry, but in cold blood.

One other thing to consider as well. The possibility of being deliberately limited so your salary increases are in line with the budget. Where good people get mediocre evaluations because the management can't or won't consider raising their pay. Decisions often made by the very people charged with keeping a lid on their budget. So they invent stuff to meet their budget, at your expense. I've seen that happen too.

Where YOUR salary may indeed be quite a thorn in their side. Though agreed, it's highly unprofessional to project such sentiments to the employee in question in whole or in part. Though if that's truly at the heart of such a matter, there's probably nothing you can likely do about it.

 

[JamesBon92007]

I have had several situations throughout my working life where it seemed that someone was trying to sabotage me because they felt threatened by me because I was more capable of doing their job than they were and they were aware of it, even though I wasn't trying the get their job. Is it possible that you are being considered for a promotion?

Remarkably, with my poor perception of people, I would almost always be put in charge (manager, foreman) in a very short period of time. I'm thinking this might not be so unusual for us Aspies. Come to think of it, managers are set apart from the others and don't really "fit in" so maybe that is simply my natural niche.

 

[Judge]

I have had several situations throughout my working life where it seemed that someone was trying to sabotage me because they felt threatened by me because I was more capable of doing their job than they were and the were aware of it, even though I wasn't trying the get their job. Is it possible that you are being considered for a promotion?

I've had to deal with that as well. Someone was afraid I was impacting the "curve" of our department in terms of quantified productivity. This person was ultimately laid off along with the few other unproductive members of our department.

 

[Mr Allen]

This is why it's sad that trade unions are on the decline.

With respect it's not the 1970's any more, if you have a problem at work you can't just "file a grievance with your Union".

However, if you resign because the Boss is doing your head in, effectively they've won because you jumped before they pushed, so you're a bit stuck either way IMO.

 

[MountainTrails]

Thanks for all the perspectives so far! I am reading and considering carefully. I will not act hastily.

The e-mail was directly to me with no CC. Can't speak to the possibility of a BCC.

If I got promoted, I'd fall over sideways in shock.

I have been ... made aware by other organizations about opportunity waiting for me, but I really like it here and the people I interact with globally (I am in Berlin typing this). I make a difference, and I know it. My work has global impact. I have seen it, and it is gratifying.

I'm not union; I am in technology and make a very nice salary (though my last merit increase was in -- seriously -- 1997). I really do good work, at times wizardry to NTs (I'll say it straight, since it's just us), I am not aggressive, and seek understanding and accord. I am well-liked outside my direct management chain, but the boss has a very different style and he isn't liking or appreciating mine. His boss is a rigid thinker. Unsurprisingly, I can do things that my boss and others with higher positions cannot. That is definitely not popular. The big boss 2 levels above my boss seems to be a fan, and seeks me out when we are in the same place, to talk about ideas. I like him. But that "solution" would be fatal.

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them.

I suspect we can all relate.

 

[Meistersinger]

One other action you might want to consider: does your manager have anyone he reports to directly? If so, send a complaint, with all your documentation to that manager, as well as h.r. If you still don't get satisfaction, go further up the chain of command. Repeat this if you still don't get satisfaction until you get to the CEO of the company. If you still can't get satisfaction from the CEO, then it's time to talk to an attorney versed in labor, as well as disability law, and ask for advice, after showing him or her all your documentation, including responses from that manager's superiors.

 

[Manuheleku]

With respect it's not the 1970's any more, if you have a problem at work you can't just "file a grievance with your Union".

However, if you resign because the Boss is doing your head in, effectively they've won because you jumped before they pushed, so you're a bit stuck either way IMO.

Yes you can. Several years ago me and several other people were being harassed my one of our managers. We went to the union and filed several grievances and things got shaken up big time. The offending manager was also moved to another plant. Another case was when they hired outside contractors to do some electrical work in the plant which is cool as long as they don't touch our machines. I caught them in the panel of one of our dryers because the chief engineer asked them to replace emergency stops on several of our machines which is our job, this is taking away work from us with the hopes of getting rid of our people. I reported it to the union, it went to arbitration and I won and got a payment of about $2000 to compensate. I could list many other situations where the union had to get involved and won. Our chief engineers are also union, one of our past chiefs would have lost his job if not for our union. This isn't even mentioning all the other benefits that go along with being a union employee.

 

[ZebraAutismo]

Do you have a union represntive? Maybe you could talk t them.

 

[Maelstrom]

I have had a pretty successful career so far. But I am stuck with a current situation.

Got a new boss a couple years ago. Things have never been great. I make more than he does -- or so he tells me -- and we have never clicked. He talks smack about me to other employees in the company.

He recently sent an e-mail in which he suggested plainly that I lied to him on a matter that is trivially verifiable. (Basically, did I take some required training.) He's not stupid, so he knows he could have just called the training group in our company and asked. He's not lazy, so it's not that he couldn't generate an e-mail. No, this seems like a completely unprofessional pissy snark thing. A cheap shot due to some unvoiced frustration. And from my boss, which is entirely dangerous.

The thing is, I take my integrity seriously. If I don't have a receipt for a business expense, I eat the cost rather than start any perception of shenanigans. I am BOILING MAD and am fighting emotions of punching his teeth down his throat. (Won't happen, I telecommute from far away, and he's younger and bigger than I am; I am not suicidal regarding my life or my employment. But those feelings are surging.) His approach is complete crap, disrespectful, and just shows poor skills on his part.

But I am jammed in terms of how to deal with it. Ignore the e-mail, confront him, go to the Human Resources department and complain (career limiting, I suspect, for ME), what? I could use some thoughts on this one from anyone who has seen this play out.

You make more than the Boss?
He is worried you may end up his Boss...record everything you can he is trying to take you out!
if you can legally do it get audio, or video even... and maybe quietly get signed statements from any fellow workers you can trust...that he is targeting you unfairly!
He is going to try to get you fired!