I'm glad you have found self acceptance and balance in your life. I have a much better life than I think I was originally on a trajectory for, mainly thank to my wife and her stubborn refusal to give up on me. However, any amount of achievement in my life has been in spite of being on the spectrum, not because of it. My special interests have caused me to make many bad financial decisions and my poor social skills have lost me better paying positions at jobs even though I excelled at the actual work. Mostly though my marriage is where it causes me the most pain,how hard it for me to give my wife the emotional support an average person does not have trouble with. I believe there are a lot of people here who would jump at the chance for just a little relief.
Obviously I was not clear. I never intended to imply that I have found "
balance" in my life, nor "self acceptance". Life is not all peachy now any more than it ever was. I still do not like myself very much, but my recent revelations have made me feel less blame for how I am and a few parts (very few), I even find a bit admirable... At least that is an improvement.
I will try again... though I'm less confident now in actually getting my point across, but I'll give it a try anyway.
It has taken me almost 70 years to figure this out. It doesn't make my life any easier, but the realization of how I am constructed provides a few bits of closure.
My point: I now realize that my life; physically, neurologically, mentally, personality - the entire construct that makes me me is a
House of Cards. Actually, I believe the entire universe is a House of Cards. (Removing any card, at best changes the entire assembly (me, the universe or anything in between), at worst, crashes the whole thing.) The person I am right now is composed of all my life experiences. Yes, it would be very nice to have a good life without the constant trauma, but all those trauma's are a part of my construction. All the trauma has shaped me for good or bad. But, I can't get rid of it or un-experience it because it is a part of my being. If I were to take a drug or some procedure to remove or even reduce any of the traumas, difficulties and unpleasant experiences, then that would be removing a part of me. Sounds inviting to remove those parts, until I think about the other parts that would also go away with them because of the interconnections.
For example: I have a major PTSD that is nightmare level terror that is triggered and sometimes just pops into my mind. The horror is way beyond anything Stephen King could ever imagine. Yes, it would be wonderful to get rid of that. But then, I consider what is connected to that PTSD - what the PTSD is made of. The PTSD started in my early, single digit years upon witnessing my best friend brutally murdered right before my eyes. The construct of that PTSD is empathy and love I had for my friend. Knowing what that murder must have been like for them is beyond my capacity. If my empathy and love for them were removed, the PTSD would be removed. I do not see any way the PTSD could be removed without taking my empathy and love with it. Regardless how horrible the PTSD is, loosing my empathy and love would be worse.
That's just one example. So, yes, life is hard - really hard, but the hard experiences is a part of what has made me. The trauma's are forces that build resolve and strength.
Looking throughout human history, people who have made incredible accomplishments are all people who endured incredible difficulties. Actually, not just humans.