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Broke my sobriety

Raggamuffin

Raggamuffin

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
1401 days without alcohol. Used to drink like a fish for a long time.

Tonight I had half a pint of Guiness in a pub with nostalgic childhood memories. Sat by the river smoking my pipe, chatting with a random guy I approached as soon as I walked outside. Lovely guy from Birmingham, who was intrigued as his dad used to smoke a pipe.

Figured it was all good - no buzz, not tipsy, and didn't drink to get drunk. No harm no fowl?

And now - a silent migraine has struck. I haven't had a migraine since I quit drinking - and yet drinking was what caused my migraines to begin, and quitting alcohol ended my migraines.

But then tonight - the aura. Which eventually dispated and descended into violent waves of nausea and dizziness. And in the background, a distant headache rumbles like a far away storm. I think my body has sent me a clear message to remain on course and never to romanticise alcohol being viable in my life any more.

I used to get several migraines a month, and the pain was like a tooth abcess of the brain. I don't ever want to go back to that.

So let's not ey? Besides, let's be honest - drunk people are 50 shades of intolerable.

Ed
 
Hey Ed,

I was drinking last couple of days to try to deaden some pain. In the long run, it really doesn‘t work. You already know that.

Congratulations on your perceptive insights. Hold them to you.
 
I am back in my gym mode. Beer helped thru very painful times, but it is only a crutch. Those feelings are still there. I just lately realized l have been still grieving over a part-time relationship. It's taken me 2 years to see l still was heartbroken. Now that l have acknowledged it, l feel a little better. As humans, we can only carry so much pain and trauma.
 
Ed,
From what I’ve learned, sobriety is not perfection. If you want it, you do it and you make it happen over the long term. Some of us will need to be sober for the rest of our lives, and that is a long time to try to be perfect. A slip up doesn’t have to be the end of sobriety, and it is certainly no reason for judgments.

I think you like sobriety and I think you want sobriety, and so I will wish that you get back to good and stable and sure on your path without the drink.
 
I've broken my sobriety so many times that it's more like my sobriety breaks my addiction every once in a while.
 
Well, it turned into a full blown migraine and kept me up half the night.

And now the postdrome - days of feeling hungover with a splitting headache and dizziness.

Ed
 
Fino said:
I've broken my sobriety so many times that it's more like my sobriety breaks my addiction every once in a while.
Click to expand...
Big mood.

But for real... I hope you're doing ok. I truly hope you keep going with your sobriety because for the life of me I cannot figure out how to stop using and it sucks it legitimately feels like I'm going to die this way so if anything do it for me because I can't figure it out lol.

I'm like Fino, I've been trying to get clean since 2016 (like going to meetings and rehab and whatnot) and I've never had a stretch longer than 6 months clean and that was just once... The rest of the stretches are like 2 weeks to a month and then my soul starts getting chipped away with cravings (Aka I get overwhelmed from masking and then I implode and use)
 
Don't explain, don't feel guilty. If it isn't this then it's pills, or co-dependency. Just work thru those rough times. I don't judge you. And probably 95% peeps here don't judge you either. How about acceptance. How about YOU accepting yourself? Your beautiful art work wouldn't be possible unless you had turmoil.
 
I quit alcohol for reasons of self defence - it was hurting me in so many ways.

Since then, when I occasionally drink a couple beers (2), or A glass of wine, I get sick. Not just physically (although there is that), but also much of the depression symptoms return - for about three days.

I'm not anti drugs. MJ is legal where I live, and I use that - but I am extremely unfond of alcohol and generally only drink socially obligated beer. I generally carry an empty can so I can pretend I don't need a refill yet.
 
Falls are pretty natural. I would say accept that they happen and not over dwell on on failure which can lead to a sense of futility. Instead try and harness the strong feelings it creates into renewed determination. A life of sobriety with a short stumble here and there is still a victory in human terms. Even the best general can expect to lose a few battles.
 
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