Bullying - Asssertiveness vs. Aggression - Good vs Evil

[Shiroi Tora]

I've enjoyed bullies all my life....they are my favorite prey B) . I've fought all my life...and won. Bullies rely on intimidation. I've always surprised the hell out of bullies. I am quiet by nature, and had been perceived as, sometimes, a target. I've bloodied many a nose, and twisted many a head.

Don't get me wrong, I am not aggressive. I am, however, assertive. By the way, many of my fights were in defense of others. I simply cannot stand bullies, especially when they pick on the innocent and kind hearted. Under no circumstance did I allow any special education student to be bullied. Neither should any one else.


War is not evil....it is the evil person's actions that sometimes makes war necessary. A war of assertion is good standing up to evil.

Violence is not wrong...it is sometimes necessary to stop aggression. It is unjustified violence that is evil.

Aggression is raiding your neighbor's yard.

Assertiveness is protecting one's yard...or your weaker neighbor's yard...from aggression.

It is not enough to be good...goodness requires bravery and strength. To turn your back...to pretend to not see an unjustified act is to enable evil.
One must speak out...take action against evil acts. To do less is cowardice...it is to throw your brothers to the lions.

Predators rely on the group not acting in unison. Sheep are herded by the lone aggressive dog...attacked by wolves...don't be the sheep...be the Shepherd...watch out for your brothers and sisters...the wolves will stay at bay....the more Shepherds...the stronger the group. Evil relies on cowardice to operate...in the face of opposition...they seek weaker prey.


They say that the majority of people are good.
That means evil is allowed to exist because otherwise good people do, and say, nothing.

A man defines himself through his actions in the face of duty,
and, in his inactions in the face of temptation - day by day - moment by moment.
An inescapable truth and obligation that is the threshold of simply being male to that of being a man.
Shiroi Tora original - but naturally realized by all men.

Ah yes - I am quite the legend in my own mind!


Now before anyone thinks I am a sexist....no...this also applies to women...though their duties may be different...their obligation to them is no less.

It is not what is said by a person..so much as what is done. Their actions speak far more truly of their intent than what is expressed verbally.

A man must not only stand for good...he must prepare his body and mind for the inevitable battle against the aggressive...so he may protect his family, friends and the good and innocent...with assertiveness. It is simply good against evil.

 

[tree]

OP's essay has had hundreds of views since it was written.
It has prompted no responses in the past six years.

It seems to me that there could be discussion here, if there
were any ideas regarding how an individual could withstand
personal bullying.

I have found it is so much easier to think & respond to attacks
on the behalf of another person than to stand in the physical
presence of someone shouting cruel absurd remarks at me.
That situation prompts me to leave the vicinity. For someone
else, I stay. For myself, I want to leave.

 

[garnetflower13]

Yes, this would provide good fodder for discussion. I wonder why it was shied away from? I was bullied in school and in the workplace, so I am well acquainted with this topic as I am sure others are too. I had the chance to take a class on assertiveness training and it was a real help to me. I have no trouble asserting myself if the situation is not way out of control already. I have had a boss frothing at the mouth while she told me off, but my mixed blessing as an Aspie only allowed me to process this way after the fact. I have also been in situations where others were bullying a co-worker and I was being pressured to join them. It was awful. I always defended my younger siblings when I was younger but if someone is really being mean and aggressive, I too will just leave.

 

[Judge]

I have had a boss frothing at the mouth while she told me off, but my mixed blessing as an Aspie only allowed me to process this way after the fact.

Good point. Probably explains why I didn't lose my job considering that sounds just like the last underwriting manager I had.

I couldn't process her aggression and anger in real time...it just caused me to shutdown if anything. Too bad though, that gives them a false sense of superiority. It does amount to another form of bullying. But in a chain of command about all one can do is quit.

Oh yeah...that's exactly what I eventually did. Worked for me!

 

[garnetflower13]

Good point. Probably explains why I didn't lose my job considering that sounds just like the last underwriting manager I had.

I couldn't process her aggression and anger in real time...it just caused me to shutdown if anything. Too bad though, that gives them a false sense of superiority. It does amount to another form of bullying. But in a chain of command about all one can do is quit.

Oh yeah...that's exactly what I eventually did. Worked for me!

I also had a supervisor tell me that she couldn't read my face. I wish I knew then what I know now! She sounded frustrated then told me that I was being let go. Even more irrationally, she said, "And I liked you!"

 

[Judge]

Even more irrationally, she said, "And I liked you!"

I didn't have that experience. My then underwriting manager would simply become exasperated and scream at me behind closed doors, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

 

[garnetflower13]

I didn't have that experience. My then underwriting manager would simply become exasperated and scream at me behind closed doors, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

Sorry, that made me laugh. Of course being screamed at isn't pleasant, though. I usually just shut down if someone screams at me!

 

[Judge]

Sorry, that made me laugh. Of course being screamed at isn't pleasant, though. I usually just shut down if someone screams at me!

This was someone who actually begged me not to quit. I stayed on another six months, but then I relished the moment I gave her two weeks notice.

 

[garnetflower13]

This was someone who actually begged me not to quit. I stayed on another six months, but then I relished the moment I gave her two weeks notice.

I never had anyone beg me not to quit!

 

[watersprite]

Glad you revived the thread tree. Food for thought, and I was already thinking 'along these lines,' so it was serendipity too.

 

[Mia]

Often had the tendency to freeze on the spot when I was being bullied or teased, or made fun of in my younger days. Had several bosses over the years who shouted and seemed to have adult temper tantrums. Like family who were unable to stop ranting and raving, they became apologetic or ashamed afterwards, or completely forgot they had just alienated everyone in the immediate area. These loud and shouting ranters are usually harmless, once their rant is over they seem satisfied or even depleted afterwards. Rarely do they escalate to violent behavior, unless someone shouts back at them.

It's the stealth abusers that truncate their wrath that you need to watch out for. People who verbally attack in private when no one else is about in a low menacing voice. They are the most frightening, they know what they are doing is unacceptable.
So they hide it, since no one else heard them, you can't get anyone to believe that they said what they actually said. I find this way to be the most damaging of all. And the most difficult to deal with, stealthy bullies who hide what they do to people.

My way of dealing with bullies has been to turn and walk away. Not giving them any satisfaction of a response. Although I will stay and stand up for people who are being bullied, especially people I care about and even people I don't know, if I feel that they are being wrongly treated. This has led to altercations in the past, yet, it seems the right thing to do.

 

[Judge]

It's the stealth abusers that truncate their wrath that you need to watch out for. People who verbally attack in private when no one else is about in a low menacing voice. They are the most frightening, they know what they are doing is unacceptable.
So they hide it, since no one else heard them, you can't get anyone to believe that they said what they actually said. I find this way to be the most damaging of all. And the most difficult to deal with, stealthy bullies who hide what they do to people.

Good point. Working for an insurance company for many years, most of my bosses were inherently aware of the liability for bullying an employee in public. So they tended to always do it behind closed doors, with a feeble claim that it was for our own protection, when in reality it was anything but this.

Not to mention an even uglier fact. The reticence of a corporate insurer to terminate anyone at the management level because of the inevitable legal costs. That it was cheaper to leave the employee be and simply pay off his accusers out of court.

 

[I am Matt]

I will stand up to anyone who is physically aggressive with me. Thankfully anyone who has ever challenged me physically has always backed down as soon as I let them know I'm just waiting for them to throw the first punch. I remember one guy had a little crowd watching as he kept going on about how he was gonna **** me up and for a while I didn't say anything while he went on and on I guess looking tough for the people watching. Then when I finally yelled "**** ME UP THEN" all of a sudden he said I was lucky and he walked away and never spoke to me again.

 

[ChurchTheArtist]

I like the OP on this one though, I was skeptical at first since it opened with "they are my favorite prey."

I agree with much of the post and am similar in fashion though most of my fights were in my youth.
I offer a different perspective however, as a grown adult in the work force.

I've dealt and seen bullying all my life and often found that if you can just knock the other kid down once real good, things turn out in the end. However in my late 20's things aren't as straightforward and our battlefields start to shift. A couple of years ago, my most recent bully was actually my boss. He was the ideal image of adult bullies. He was big, strong, rich, influential, crafty and so full of crap that everyone couldn't see his nature. I won't bore with details but I found myself being threatened in many ways by this guy and I promise you any direct attempt to stand up for myself physically would have gotten me sued, jailed or killed whether it was the right thing to do or not.

Sometimes evil prevails anyway because it's more set-up than the good guy. That's basically the definition of politics.

I offer the rebuttal that there are times when running from the bully is far more prudent than stopping them. If you half to stand up to them, it has to be smart. I did stand up to this guy when he wouldn't give my paycheck and we had an all out posture contest so bad it involved police. The only reason why I won was because I was smart and lucky and I kept from fighting.

I hate bullies real bad but sometimes they can't be stopped because the adult world isn't as simple as putting the bad guy on his butt in the dirt. We have too many power-systems that protect greedy, lying, evil people to allow these bullies to be fought. I don't "do nothing" either but fighting isn't always what you think it is.

 

[Cali Cat]

It's so much easier to take a bully down with physical force. It's a pity that society now frowns on it. Now, you have to waste mental energy putting bullies in their place verbally.

While I very much enjoy intellectual sparring, an unarmed opponent offers little reward for my efforts.

Honestly, I'd much rather just slam his/her head into the concrete a few times and be done with it.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I agree that it's okay to get violent if it's in self-defense. I've done it before - it works better for me because bullies don't LISTEN (people forget that when advising me to "tell them to stop") - but of course then I'm the one who gets in trouble for it, while the aggressor is let go.

People always assume I'm acting out for no reason, but the truth is I WILL NOT hurt anyone who doesn't HURT ME FIRST.

Also, the common belief that physical abuse is worse than mental or emotional abuse needs to DIE.