Bullying at School/Work

[SRSAutistic]

In high school (secondary school), I was bullied. Please reply to this thread.

1. Have you ever been bullied at school or work?

2. Why did you get bullied?

3. How did you get bullied?

 

[AutisticMilly]

1. Have you ever been bullied at school or work?
Yes, I was bullied in elementary and middle school.

2. Why did you get bullied?
It wasn’t hard to hide that I was a little different and had some interests that might have been considered a little out there and obsessive. In short, I didn’t fit in, and people noticed.

3. How did you get bullied?
People spread rumors about me, mocked my appearance and interests, and left me out of their friend groups.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I wasn't really bullied. Rather I was just marginalized. I never knew what was going on socially and was rarely invited to anything. Sometimes I expressed interest in events or get togethers but was really never included. The trajectory of my life never included any real friendship. When I did have some friends later, I felt used because while I shared knowledge and details with them, including trips to important fossil collecting locations, when it came to reciprocate for some pretty important event, I was shut out.

 

[Alaric593]

Not really. There were a few instances in 6th grade where a fellow student was taunting and throwing things at me and I asked him to stop, he didn't so I beat him up.

I was usually the one stopping bullies with aggression and was generally liked by people of all "groups" for that. It earned me many suspensions and expulsion along with threats of going on my permanent record. I chuckled at the memory when I opened my acceptance from Duke.

I was expelled for putting a stop to sexual harassment and borderline sexual assault. A kid kept lifting up the skirt of a girl I knew. She went to the administrators, they did nothing. So I did when she told me about it. Worth every scowl from lazy and irresponsible adults.

 

[Luca]

1.
I have been bullied in every social situation imaginable. And it was/is very extreme.
It still happens sometimes

2.
Definitely because of my personality and interests. This seems to be the biggest “trigger” for bullies

But also because of my ethnic background and political views (I’m very outspoken about what I believe in, if it wasn’t obvious, and I’m a minority living in a conservative rural area.) I have struggled with gender issues (which I have less of as an adult. I am a straight female but not entirely gender conforming.) And people (especially men) don’t accept the fact that I’m asexual (not interested in or okay with sex.)

I don’t really drink alcohol and I’m opposed to trying recreational drugs (I have no issue with other people doing it, within reason, who am I to judge, but it’s just not me), and I have zero interest in pop culture or celebrities, or video games or movies, and I therefore don’t understand referential humor. So I get made fun of or ostracized by young adult peer groups a lot.

I don’t find a lot of acceptance from people my age either (late 20s to early-mid 30s) because I’m not really age appropriate in a lot of ways and although I do have a career and live on my own in my own home and I’m very goal-oriented, I don’t have a strong interest in discussing business or finances unless it’s relevant (I’m also as dumb as a person can be when it comes to cryptocurrency), and I’m not a very serious person and tend to be super creative and hyper-emotional. I’m also completely uninterested in relationship stuff, gossip, or assessing attractiveness of men and celebrities. I do enjoy going to nightclubs on occasion and going out to eat, but going to bars or sporting events or the gym or the country club is not my thing.
And if people find out that I have autism and PTSD, I get picked on for that or at the very least it weirds them out.

I’m obviously not conventionally attractive and I’m extremely short, so I receive a lot of nasty or degrading comments about my appearance, mostly from other women, but sometimes men, and teenagers.
So yeah… there are lots of reasons people target me
The list goes on and on but some things are too personal to mention here

3.
I have been bullied and abused physically, emotionally, psychologically, and sexually. And received death threats and was encouraged to commit suicide.
It has taken a serious toll on my mental health, self-esteem, interpersonal relationships, and ability to trust people.

I’m finding now that more and more people are starting to like and accept me, now that
I’m getting more comfortable and confident in myself. Meeting other autistic people, and both autistic and NT people with similar interests has really helped too. Wanted to end this on a positive note.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I’m finding now that more and more people are starting to like and accept me, now that
I’m getting more comfortable and confident in myself.

Good going. I hope you have no lingering trauma from what you went through especially the physical aggression. It is bad enough to be considered "the other" and that's when the abusers sense any weakness and exploit it. They will take any vulnerability as permission to attack, and sometimes the dynamic is such that others go along to avoid being a target themselves. Their intent is to make you feel so helpless that you cannot defend yourself.

I honestly am glad you are finding accepting people and hope at some point you can relinquish the burden of your past. I know how hard that can be.

I think some of the guys I encountered saw that I was particularly lonely and so, playing on my vulnerability, would regale me with their sexual exploits knowing that hearing such would have me feel broken and worthless. If that was their intent I learned the lesson too well and for a while nothing could convince me of my worth. I do not want to contemplate what would happen should I ever meet one of those guys again. I am just happy that I learned my worth.

Stay strong, Luca.

 

[Rodafina]

No, never bullied - I was totally focused on remaining invisible wherever I went through school. The problem with this strategy for surviving those years of school is that I never stood up to the bullies. You can’t be invisible and be a good ally to people being bullied at the same time and back then, I made the wrong choice.

EDIT: To those of you sharing your bullying stories here, I just wanted to say that I think I stayed invisible because I was hiding behind folks like yourself, you were protecting folks like myself in a way. In a lot of ways.

 

[Alaric593]

1.
I have been bullied in every social situation imaginable. And it was/is very extreme.
It still happens sometimes

2.
Definitely because of my personality and interests. This seems to be the biggest “trigger” for bullies

But also because of my ethnic background and political views (I’m very outspoken about what I believe in, if it wasn’t obvious, and I’m a minority living in a conservative rural area.) I have struggled with gender issues (which I have less of as an adult. I am a straight female but not entirely gender conforming.) And people (especially men) don’t accept the fact that I’m asexual (not interested in or okay with sex.)

I don’t really drink alcohol and I’m opposed to trying recreational drugs (I have no issue with other people doing it, within reason, who am I to judge, but it’s just not me), and I have zero interest in pop culture or celebrities, or video games or movies, and I therefore don’t understand referential humor. So I get made fun of or ostracized by young adult peer groups a lot.

I don’t find a lot of acceptance from people my age either (late 20s to early-mid 30s) because I’m not really age appropriate in a lot of ways and although I do have a career and live on my own in my own home and I’m very goal-oriented, I don’t have a strong interest in discussing business or finances unless it’s relevant (I’m also as dumb as a person can be when it comes to cryptocurrency), and I’m not a very serious person and tend to be super creative and hyper-emotional. I’m also completely uninterested in relationship stuff, gossip, or assessing attractiveness of men and celebrities. I do enjoy going to nightclubs on occasion and going out to eat, but going to bars or sporting events or the gym or the country club is not my thing.
And if people find out that I have autism and PTSD, I get picked on for that or at the very least it weirds them out.

I’m obviously not conventionally attractive and I’m extremely short, so I receive a lot of nasty or degrading comments about my appearance, mostly from other women, but sometimes men, and teenagers.
So yeah… there are lots of reasons people target me
The list goes on and on but some things are too personal to mention here

3.
I have been bullied and abused physically, emotionally, psychologically, and sexually. And received death threats and was encouraged to commit suicide.
It has taken a serious toll on my mental health, self-esteem, interpersonal relationships, and ability to trust people.

I’m finding now that more and more people are starting to like and accept me, now that
I’m getting more comfortable and confident in myself. Meeting other autistic people, and both autistic and NT people with similar interests has really helped too. Wanted to end this on a positive note.

I don't know much about asexuality. I've assumed it was more likely than not hormonal imbalance but the literature I read says that often people think they're asexual because of a hormonal imbalance but that if hormone replacement balanced it out of the person, they weren't asexual. That in the cases, less than 1%, hormone replacement doesn't alter it the lack of attraction and there isn't much evidence that sexual trauma is the cause, those are asexuals.

Now I wonder what the evolutionary purpose of it is for the species because there is one or it wouldn't be here. The question dovetails off of a conversation my wife and I were having on the way to my father's home as to the possible evolutionary purpose of Aspergers in the species.

We didn't get to finish our discussion but were on the possibility given the traits, that it could be that those with it both push the boundaries of their "tribe" driving movement outside of the norms which creates new ways to allow for tribe survival as well as pulls back unwaveringly to those boundaries of the Sacred. Both creating a push and pull dichotomy between the individuals with it and majority who don't have it.

Your unwavering goal focus not being distracted by such things when applied would fit that dichotomy as well.

I haven't developed the thoughts well enough nor researched it to claim I believe that.

You don't have to discuss it if you don't want. Just putting my thoughts down on it.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I receive a lot of nasty or degrading comments about my appearance, mostly from other women, but sometimes men, and teenagers.

That's horrible! What type of ignorant clown would comment about somebody's physical appearance? I am tired of the garden variety cruelty spread by such lowlifes. I wish there was karma because they have some serious lessons to learn. Beauty may only be skin deep, but ugly goes to the bone, and those people are ugly.

 

[Misery]

1. Bullied at school. All the time.

2. Multiple reasons. Looking back on it, I think the one that typically got them to see me as a potential target was my appearance. "Male at birth" yet I have a naturally feminine/androgynous aspect to my appearance, and, well.... yeah. You do the math on that one. And also, my general behavior. Or, lack thereof... I tend to be extremely passive. Much to my nonstop amusement, that passive aspect was also the quickest way to get those idiots to pipe down. Basically, "dont give them what they want". And of course the whole autism thing, though I didnt know about that part at the time.

3. Verbally. Nobody ever got physical, not at that school.

 

[Aspychata]

I have been bullied at jobs because l don't date much. And l don't believe in dating customers or bosses. In fact l lost my last job because l wouldn't sleep with the married board member who made it clear he was attracted to me. He also was the one that promoted me to bartender. In my cashier job, the manager hijacked my phone and asked if l wanted to go to the gym with him. He also planted flower boxes outside the store window where l looked. But he was polite. So l guess that wasn't bully type behavior. At this point, l am nervous to work. Many times men have told me if l wanted my job l needed to show it, so l always quit. So it's sexual abuse bullies. At the retirement home l worked at, l was bullied by a low life employee, a married employee, a married man who visited his mom, and one retirement man. Glad l left. This is ridiculous. It's tough for woman out there.

 

[Alaric593]

My daughter was getting bullied the last half of this school year something terrible by two particular girls who then used aggression to solidify their position in the whole to ostracize her from the amorphous clique. No boys bully her. Many stepped up to play with her.

It happened for two reasons as far as I was able to discern.

1) My daughter challenged the main girl's dominance in the hierarchy because she's her father's daughter and doesn't stay silent when power is used for ill right in front of her.
2) My daughter is objectively beautiful to the point I get anxiety about thinking of the ridiculous amount of boys and men who will be throwing themselves at her. They already do trip all over themselves to impress her which was a source of contention with the two girls. From that day it was game on against my daughter and because she wouldn't stay passive and back down it just got worse. I've come to see girls can be far more more cutthroat in competition than boys.

Her teacher, principal, superintendent and I went around many times about their ineffectual Authority over the children. We pulled her out to a parochial private school.

My daughter did learn a lesson she won't soon forget though.

The behavioral challenge to the girl at the top came by my daughter standing up for a girl against the behavior that was turned on her. The girl she was defending was told by the girl bullying her to get up and leave my daughter to play with them, she did.

My daughter cried for weeks because she just couldn't understand why the girl she defended would then ostracize her with the girl she was defending her from.

I explained that the outcome is outside of her control and what matters and what made me happy about who she is, is that she did it at all. Because as she could see, many, just kowtow to social pressure without hesitation. She did not which was the right thing to do even if the other girl didn't understand it; that I couldn't be more proud of who she's becoming.

I also showed her this picture and asked her to tell me the difference between the guy in the circle and the others. She saw it. I told her that was what her behavior is a reflection of, moral courage, and when she's older, I will explain why it was so important despite it ultimately costing that man his life.

 

[Luca]

I don't know much about asexuality. I've assumed it was more likely than not hormonal imbalance but the literature I read says that often people think they're asexual because of a hormonal imbalance but that if hormone replacement balanced it out of the person, they weren't asexual. That in the cases, less than 1%, hormone replacement doesn't alter it the lack of attraction and there isn't much evidence that sexual trauma is the cause, those are asexuals.

Now I wonder what the evolutionary purpose of it is for the species because there is one or it wouldn't be here. The question dovetails off of a conversation my wife and I were having on the way to my father's home as to the possible evolutionary purpose of Aspergers in the species.

We didn't get to finish our discussion but were on the possibility given the traits, that it could be that those with it both push the boundaries of their "tribe" driving movement outside of the norms which creates new ways to allow for tribe survival as well as pulls back unwaveringly to those boundaries of the Sacred. Both creating a push and pull dichotomy between the individuals with it and majority who don't have it.

Your unwavering goal focus not being distracted by such things when applied would fit that dichotomy as well.

I haven't developed the thoughts well enough nor researched it to claim I believe that.

You don't have to discuss it if you don't want. Just putting my thoughts down on it.

Well. You opened a can of worms lol. But I have been meaning to talk about this on here anyway!

I honestly don't think that anything hormonal or sexual is the case (speaking for myself here, not others, since I think I have only ever met two other people who were asexual, in my entire life, and everyone's individual experience is unique) or sexual trauma either.

I don't want to discuss any of this in great detail, but I HAVE had sex before, and there was a point in my life where I tried "exploring" sex (independent of anything assault/trauma related) and I just didn't care for it. Like, not interested, not really engaged, and didn't find it fun or pleasurable. I just simply don't enjoy it.

I'm not bothered by people talking about sex or making sexual jokes or anything. I find dirty jokes hilarious, actually, for the most part.
Some asexuals are really bothered or put off by discussing sex or intimacy, even in a joking manner, but I have no issue with people talking about it around me.

I don't find anyone or anything sexually appealing, only aesthetically appealing, and I don't care for intimacy, if that makes sense. I'm not crazy about kissing or holding hands or anything either, but I DO like cuddling and hugging (with trusted people, not strangers/hookups.)
But I'm not a relationship person, at all, which kind of goes back to the "goal driven" thing. I have never been in a relationship, nor have I ever tried to seek one out. It just isn't a priority for me and I don't think it ever will be...
My dogs are my main priority, they come before everything else, and they come before me as well. I feel unconditional love and pride and empathy for my dogs, and for all dogs. My other priorities are things like home ownership, having a career that I enjoy but still making reliable income (I have mentioned a lot that I own a business), being involved in hobbies and special interests and hanging out with people who enjoy the same things, being active in the outdoors (I am outdoors almost all the time and people joke with me that I only come home to sleep lol) being creative whether it's art, music, photography and video, etc, and making my friends and family happy and doing nice things for people and animals. I enjoy doing things that benefit the community I live in too (even though some people have been less than kind and welcoming to me.)

When I was a child and a teenager, I had fantasies about getting married or having a boyfriend, but I think all little girls have fantasies like that and they clearly didn't mean that much to me since they were never acted on.
I had recently been talking to a guy for a while, but I ended up feeling kind of "meh" about him and decided I liked him more as a friend. He wasn't too happy about that so we are not talking any longer. :/

Even though I don't develop romantic or sexual feelings for people, I do develop strong emotional connections with people. I feel extreme empathy for those that I care about and can become very protective of them. So I'm not like emotionally closed off or antisocial or anything like that, by any means. And I know that not wanting a relationship can come across as being self-serving or strongly prioritizing myself over others, or being cold and unfeeling, but neither of those are the case for me.
If I have a friend or a family member that I care deeply about I will do everything in my power to express love and empathy for that person. I can definitely come across as standoffish or not affectionate, since I am very distrustful of most people, but underneath that is not the case. And "distrustful" doesn't mean "hateful." I'm not happy with how people are as a whole and I think a lot of them are kind of bad, but that doesn't mean I don't feel empathy for human beings, and I don't reserve actual hatred for them either (although it might appear that way sometimes since I have strong emotional reactions to people being mean or doing things that I perceive as morally wrong.) Hope that makes sense.

Well, I didn't mean to just unload years of therapy into a couple of paragraphs lol but there ya go. And I think I'm not only asexual but probably aromantic too. Although I experience empathy and platonic love and family love very strongly (often to my detriment since I sometimes have trouble letting go when I am being taken advantage of or manipulated, since I care about the person.)
Hope that explained it in a way that kind of made sense. And sorry if that went off the rails or was weird.

 

[Alaric593]

Well. You opened a can of worms lol. But I have been meaning to talk about this on here anyway!

I honestly don't think that anything hormonal or sexual is the case (speaking for myself here, not others, since I think I have only ever met two other people who were asexual, in my entire life, and everyone's individual experience is unique) or sexual trauma either.

I don't want to discuss any of this in great detail, but I HAVE had sex before, and there was a point in my life where I tried "exploring" sex (independent of anything assault/trauma related) and I just didn't care for it. Like, not interested, not really engaged, and didn't find it fun or pleasurable. I just simply don't enjoy it.

I'm not bothered by people talking about sex or making sexual jokes or anything. I find dirty jokes hilarious, actually, for the most part.
Some asexuals are really bothered or put off by discussing sex or intimacy, even in a joking manner, but I have no issue with people talking about it around me.

I don't find anyone or anything sexually appealing, only aesthetically appealing, and I don't care for intimacy, if that makes sense. I'm not crazy about kissing or holding hands or anything either, but I DO like cuddling and hugging (with trusted people, not strangers/hookups.)
But I'm not a relationship person, at all, which kind of goes back to the "goal driven" thing. I have never been in a relationship, nor have I ever tried to seek one out. It just isn't a priority for me and I don't think it ever will be...
My dogs are my main priority, they come before everything else, and they come before me as well. I feel unconditional love and pride and empathy for my dogs, and for all dogs. My other priorities are things like home ownership, having a career that I enjoy but still making reliable income (I have mentioned a lot that I own a business), being involved in hobbies and special interests and hanging out with people who enjoy the same things, being active in the outdoors (I am outdoors almost all the time and people joke with me that I only come home to sleep lol) being creative whether it's art, music, photography and video, etc, and making my friends and family happy and doing nice things for people and animals. I enjoy doing things that benefit the community I live in too (even though some people have been less than kind and welcoming to me.)

When I was a child and a teenager, I had fantasies about getting married or having a boyfriend, but I think all little girls have fantasies like that and they clearly didn't mean that much to me since they were never acted on.
I had recently been talking to a guy for a while, but I ended up feeling kind of "meh" about him and decided I liked him more as a friend. He wasn't too happy about that so we are not talking any longer. :/

Even though I don't develop romantic or sexual feelings for people, I do develop strong emotional connections with people. I feel extreme empathy for those that I care about and can become very protective of them. So I'm not like emotionally closed off or antisocial or anything like that, by any means. And I know that not wanting a relationship can come across as being self-serving or strongly prioritizing myself over others, or being cold and unfeeling, but neither of those are the case for me.
If I have a friend or a family member that I care deeply about I will do everything in my power to express love and empathy for that person. I can definitely come across as standoffish or not affectionate, since I am very distrustful of most people, but underneath that is not the case. And "distrustful" doesn't mean "hateful." I'm not happy with how people are as a whole and I think a lot of them are kind of bad, but that doesn't mean I don't feel empathy for human beings, and I don't reserve actual hatred for them either (although it might appear that way sometimes since I have strong emotional reactions to people being mean or doing things that I perceive as morally wrong.) Hope that makes sense.

Well, I didn't mean to just unload years of therapy into a couple of paragraphs lol but there ya go. And I think I'm not only asexual but probably aromantic too. Although I experience empathy and platonic love and family love very strongly (often to my detriment since I sometimes have trouble letting go when I am being taken advantage of or manipulated, since I care about the person.)
Hope that explained it in a way that kind of made sense. And sorry if that went off the rails or was weird.

I followed your thought process. I can somewhat understand the lack of interest just in a different way. I am in no way asexual. I have a high drive. If I were in a coma I'd still be thinking about it.

This is one area that gave me pause that the traits that manifested when I stopped masking with substance was Aspergers because so much of what I read was from women saying their husband had 0 interest in it.

But where I can understand it is when I am coupled, I am coupled. Other women simply cannot manifest as anything in me but platonic and I'm highly judgmental of infidelity in others because I don't understand the lack of control or why they just don't leave if they're not compatible.

Because on the flipside, when my love is gone, it's gone and I don't waste theirs or my time and I end it immediately. It has never come back and never had the desire to attempt restarting. This was what was causing me so much stress in thinking I didn't know if I would die for my wife anymore which is how I understand love and is what brought me to the forum desperately trying to reframe my thinking that I couldn't get control of at the time. I hadn't ever felt the grey area before. That I could remember it was cut and dry, on then off like a light switch in previous relationships.

But I was also not sober regularly for many years so maybe I just couldn't discern it clearly like this time also.

 

[risk]

A fair bit at school that was mostly a product frankly of bordem and mob mentality. I also engaged in such activities myself so not proud of it.

 

[Misery]

Well. You opened a can of worms lol. But I have been meaning to talk about this on here anyway!

I honestly don't think that anything hormonal or sexual is the case (speaking for myself here, not others, since I think I have only ever met two other people who were asexual, in my entire life, and everyone's individual experience is unique) or sexual trauma either.

I don't want to discuss any of this in great detail, but I HAVE had sex before, and there was a point in my life where I tried "exploring" sex (independent of anything assault/trauma related) and I just didn't care for it. Like, not interested, not really engaged, and didn't find it fun or pleasurable. I just simply don't enjoy it.

I'm not bothered by people talking about sex or making sexual jokes or anything. I find dirty jokes hilarious, actually, for the most part.
Some asexuals are really bothered or put off by discussing sex or intimacy, even in a joking manner, but I have no issue with people talking about it around me.

For what it's worth, I can 100% sympathize with what you've said in your post here. I dont really experience sexual desire myself, and am outright incapable of understanding romance (may as well be running Windows software on a Mac with that one).

Franky the idea of either is actually repulsive to me. Just... bleh. Though I dont get irritated at anyone for talking about it around me, so there's that at least (it's not like what they do or plan on doing involves me in any way, after all). Not that this really happens as I am not around anyone most of the time.

I recently heard the term "aro-ace" to describe someone who is both asexual and aromantic, so... that's convenient, I guess.


I do recognize though that there's a huge difference between "romance" and "friendship", that sort of thing. The first one I cant comprehend. The second though... I can be really clingy and it's easy for others to take advantage of me. So... there's that, I guess.

I dont know where else I was going with this. I just got up.

 

[ZebraAutismo]

I was bullıed at prımary and secoundry school. Prımary school was name callıng due to me beıng ‘weırd’. Secoundry school had several phases. Name callıng and mıck takıng, makıng thıngs bang to see how ıd react. I had kıds who’d repeatedly throw thıngs at me. Mımıckıng of stıms was a bıg one. I once had a group of gırls surround me and verbally bully me. The worst was sexual bullyıng. Very ınnaproıte comments and accusatıons to the poınt I had to pull out of that class.

 

[Storm Hess]

In high school (secondary school), I was bullied. Please reply to this thread.

1. Have you ever been bullied at school or work?

2. Why did you get bullied?

3. How did you get bullied?

At school...at work, not so much.

People thought I was an easy target...socially awkward, quiet and unassuming...minded my own business. I had to learn how to fight due to the bullying.

I was pushed, threatened, punched...so I learned how to fight and faught back. I refused to be a victim.

 

[Judge]

Interesting to look back and recall how virtually anyone truly "bullying" others at work ended up getting terminated for all sorts of reasons. Not a good place to vent your anger where many people don't get mad, but they do get even.

- "What goes around, comes around".

 

[Progster]

I got called names and taunted in primary school, a group of kids would surround me and chant 'why?' to me. They made a sport out of winding me up and watching me melt down. Then I moved schools and joined a class with a teacher who wasn't averse to hitting the kids - this was back in the 70s. One day I refused to do something she wanted me to do, and so hit me, so I hit her back. Unsurprisingly, that got me into a lot of trouble. All the other kids were afraid of this teacher and were amazed that I had hit her, and they pretty much left me alone after that.

A particular teacher made me do pushups in middle school because I asked to be called by a different name instead of my real name, which I didn't like. Another time, a girl started a fight with me for no apparent reason, so I fought back and ripped her cardigan, and we both got into trouble. Another kid who got on the same bus as me started to call me names, so I called him a name back - I called him bogbrush, because he had spiky hair and that was exactly what it looked like.

At work, another member of staff started making snide, and often insulting remarks about me. She once wrote made an unpleasant remark in an email to me, so I got her on her own and asked her why she wrote it. She denied having written it. I didn't last long there - they were cliquey, didn't like me and ganged up on me behind my back, and so at the end of the year I got told that my contract wasn't to be renewed.