Calling out an exchanged glance

[Kitsuna]

Yesterday, I was in social situation with new people, two of whom exchanged a glance in front of me at the end of the event that read as mocking.

At the time, I inwardly shriveled a bit because I recognized I had fumbled the conversation for a second. I wasn’t completely sure how to respond to something one of them said at first. The person who shot the glance said something I wasn’t sure if it was a joking exaggeration or they were serious, so all I managed was ,”oh wow”. I also read the exchanged look negatively because the girl also came off a little as having a snarky personality I don’t often mesh with, even though I try. But now, I’m annoyed they did this, because it seems rude, no matter how I handled myself.

What is a possible way to calmly, non-defensively call out negative exchanged glances like this?

—-

Or if I make a gaffe, should I accept that it’s going to sometimes cause a negative reaction and move on?

(I feel too serious and aggressive on second thoughts. I have a history of being a pushover, and I’m tired of this, and I’m just going through many things lately.)

 

[Tom]

I definitely can relate. It's happened on and off thru out life. My approach has been to more or less ignore it, blow it off. They don't get me and that's not unusual. Though it can hurt and I will be more wary around them in future. When the people are actual friends, it still can happen but then I approach it differently, generally trying to make a self depreciating joke out of it, like 'Yeah, OK I'm awkward'. The difference with friends is that they have gotten to know me and accept me more or less. I think a key element is self confidence, knowing where you stand in the bigger picture skill wise, or knowledge wise or just one's feeling of self worth. You might doubt me, but I don't.

 

[MildredHubble]

Maybe it's just that I'm getting old, but I no longer let this sort of thing occupy my thoughts. I went away over the weekend to go to a social event with my girlfriend. I fumbled a couple of conversations. I view conversations now as a kinda dance that I don't know the steps for. I can't dance either. Sooner or later I'm going to misstep. Unless I know someone very well, my conversation isn't going to be fluent.

One thing I found mildly annoying was when someone kept talking over me mid sentence and I could tell they were making a real point of doing so. Rather than get into a battle like I might have felt I needed to in the past, I instead just thought to myself "Oh, you are taking over me again? Well that's just great because I'm not really interested in using my energy to hold a conversation anyway. What a weight off my mind."

Some people just enjoy finding ways of excluding people by making some sort of invitation to join in with something then quickly alternating to behaving like you joined in without being invited. They try to twist things into making others look needy to make themselves look more socially successful.

I think it comes down to this. You notice the undermining looks that are exchanged, you know what's going on. Don't rise to it. Just become like a grey rock. Do you really want to talk with these people anyway? You don't need to be unfriendly, but neither do you need to expend your energy to make them feel comfortable. It's a two way street.

When people behave in an exclusionary way towards me I just think to myself how much more I'd prefer to be home with my cat and how much of a better person he is than them

 

[Cryptid]

I never concern myself with exchanged glances between other people.

 

[Rodafina]

Yesterday, I was in social situation with new people, two of whom exchanged a glance in front of me at the end of the event that read as mocking.

What is a possible way to calmly, non-defensively call out negative exchanged glances like this?

Unfortunately, there is always the chance that you read the glance wrong.

In similar situations, I've learned that I've been wrong on many occasions and there was no mockery at play - it was just my insecurity misinforming me.

I guess, like @Tom said, the whole scenario and what you do about it depends on your relationship with the people.

I am prone to gaffes and faux pas in abundance, but I find it helpful to speak about it with someone else who understands (like an autistic friend) rather than confront person that seemed to mock me.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I never concern myself with exchanged glances between other people.

Ditto. I'm almost guaranteed to incorrectly guess what it's about, and I know some people are just jerks, so it's water off a duck's back.

 

[Kitsuna]

I thought about this a little more, and I realized what’s been mentioned: even if the glance is malicious, and I’m dealing with someone I already was on my guard about, then reacting would likely play straight into their hand.

And major point taken that reacting to something non-verbal like this is a gamble. Especially if I’m prone to overthinking.

I didn’t really want to deal with these people by that point, but the group was small enough that I had no choice. I’m just not going to continue with meeting up with them to spare myself. I didn’t enjoy the gathering much in general.

I tried to get it roll off my back originally, but my thoughts ended up snowballing.